Wait this isn't blood...

A few weeks ago the medical facility I work in had an “active shooter drill”.  It’s a scenario that is carefully planned and mapped out including local authorities, swat teams, employees heavily made up to play the role of casualties and victims.  We also hired an actor to play the role of the shooter so no one, not even the employees participating would know who he was.

Working in administration I got to see the whole thing play out, gun shots, blood splattered on the walls, people screaming, hospital security barking out instructions, the gunman terrorizing the employees and threatening them…SWAT team swooping in rifles drawn...EMT’s trying to get to the victims…and the cameras were rolling…remember it was just a drill.  

Once the “gunman” was apprehended and the drill was over we did a debriefing with the employees involved.  Sitting around the board room table were employees who were actually crying, hyperventilating, visually upset, holding their makeshift wounds, wiping syrupy blood from their faces and completely undone by what they experienced.

It took almost a half hour to calm everyone down, shake some of them into reality and remind them that the blood gushing from their heads was not real.  They had gotten so involved in the action..that they forgot it was just a drill.  Going in, each of them knew that the gunman would be apprehended, no one would be hurt.  But actually living out the active shooter script caused most of them to almost forget that was just a test. They filed one by one in the bathroom to wash off the remnants of a war not fought and eventually went back to their offices.

As believers, we sometimes forget that the little battles in our marriages, our parenting, our jobs, our families, our churches all belong to the Lord.  In the end, it has already been pre-declared that we win.  So to allow the battle to overtake you, no matter how real it may seem is to forget who is sitting on throne. Now sometimes the pain is excruciating and the blood IS real, but it is in those times that we have to remember that we are trained for battle. We did the drill. We know how to fight and with what. The bible teaches that the weapons of warfare are not carnal but spiritual. There is nothing coming that you don’t have the grace to deal with. Don’t live in fear, but in faith that you are fully prepared and your God is well able to always deliver. The blood is just syrup…now wipe your face and go back to work.

If Eve had watched Independence Day…we may not be in this mess…

In my first book "A Princess Cut Diamond", I shared a truth that still rings in my head today.  The devil is not trying to make you uncomfortable…he is trying to KILL you...blow you, and your family off the map.  Eve thought the enemy was her friend…that he was just trying to show her who she could become if she bent the directives of God.  Eve fell for it, why?  Because she didn’t know the undergirding strategy of the devil and he didn’t tell her.

Had Eve watched Independence Day (yeah the one with Bill Pullman and Will Smith), she may had had a clue.

When the aliens’ arrive on planet earth, of course there is panic and gunfire.  At this point fear is ruling on both sides. When the dust settles…The people of earth, (America in particular being the “sweethearts” that we are) want to believe the best about the alien race.  We want to learn about them, learn from them, hang out with them..making the stupid, naïve assumption that they came in peace. In the course of the initial fight, one of the aliens is knocked out cold and captured.

President Whitmore goes to see the captured alien and that’s where the grits hit the fan… This is the scene where the movie takes a hard left. It’s the moment when true intentions are revealed.  The President asks the aliens do they come in peace..it responds “no peace”.  President Whitmore goes on to talk about what we can learn from each other blah blah blah..the alien is not having it.  Finally, the President  asks, “what do you want us to do?”  The alien responds…DIE, DIE.  Needless to say, that alien never makes it out of the lab alive. The President now knows that the goal is annihilation of mankind. Peace isn’t an option…he tells the armed forces “Nuke em’.  When people show you their true intentions...or when you finally figure out that someone is all about them, or that this relationship is toxic, or this habit is debilitating..you need to make a presidential kinda decision. Get your armed forces (the Word of God) and make a command on the promises of God. When you truly know what is on the line; your stance needs to change from passive to aggressive and defensive.

Living a passive lifestyle, waiting on the enemy to hit you is silly and it will destroy your home...while you playin'. Be on the defense with prayer, exercise, confession, sowing time into your family, eating healthy, correction, being fiscally responsible, work life balance…areas where the enemy would love to rip you a part and give you the impression that if you bend the directives of God, you can have it all.  Let today truly be your Independence Day from everything or everyone that is sucking the life out of you, but putting nothing back.  Declare your Independence from immature behaviors, irresponsibility, and lack of vision.  Declare it LOUD in the words of President Whitmore...

 Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and "I "will once again be fighting for "my" freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. "I" am fighting for "my" right to live [an abundant life]. To exist. And SINCE "I"  will win today, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day "this family" declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night!" We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day! 

Don’t get it twisted…ever. As far as the enemy is concerned… No peace…lets NUKE EM’...

Who asks questions like THAT??

Almost six years ago in Dunkin Donuts parking lot with a beautiful Princess Cut Diamond and White Gold Ring, His Highness asked me a hard question….”Will you Marry Me”…??  It’s obvious I said yes, and after knowing him almost 10 years..this week marks our 5^th Anniversary.  Hard and or sensitive questions are status quo for us now.  It’s a part of who we are as a couple, why?  Because we care enough to cause a little hurt in feelings, for a greater healing in spirit.

So this year’s hard question from me to him was…..

“What about this marriage so far has disappointed you?”

Who asks questions like that?  ME that’s who.  Why?  Because more than I want to have the silly immature illusion that I am a perfect, seamless, wonderful, amazing, faultless, virtuous wife…I want to always operate in truth, even if the truth sucks. 

The bible says that houses and wealth you get from your folks…but a prudent wife is from the Lord.

I love the very first part of the definition of prudent…“having good sense”.  A wife with good sense can asks the hard questions knowing that an atmosphere of phoniness is the breeding ground for failure. I know it’s hard to believe people…but “everything ain’t been wonderful”.  You have to know and operate in truth so that you can do what is necessary in your character to build an environment in your marriage conducive for your spouse to grow and be nurtured in.  

Its sad to see marriages that look “wonderful” on the outside, but when you peel back some layers..wives are afraid of damaging their spouses esteem so they won’t tell him that their temperament, ego or pride is causing a great divide in the house.  Husbands won’t tell their wives, afraid of offending them, that it embarrasses him when she isn’t dressed appropriately or acts loud and brash in public. It isn’t easy, but I will always ask the hard questions and make sure that I keep my ego and pride in check so when my husband has to ask me a hard question, there is grace available to think, not be offended or worry to cause offense and to answer in truth.

Marriages and families (blended or otherwise) cannot grow effectively without having these crucial conversations. If you haven’t had a conversation like this and you have been married over a year..you have some catching up to do.  Don’t let your marriage go on for 7, 10, 20 years without knowing what the little foxes are that have the potential to spoil your vine. Care enough…love enough.. to ask the hard questions.

Shut up and while you're at it- don't hit anyone in the neck with a bat!

“Son, Never miss an opportunity to Shut Up”….-JR Ewing, Dallas..

That is a classic line if I ever heard one.

Just Perfect! I was all set to write a post on instructing others on the biblical principal …Studying to be quiet. I brought up the word document to begin to type and then I get a phone call..and guess what I had to do. SHUT UP. No, I don’t mean simmer down, choose my words carefully or speak sparingly. I mean I had to SHUT UP and fast. Had I not, it would have been some smoke in the city and I would probably have spoken out of disappointment and anger and not have been reasonable. I am so glad that God authenticated the gravity of his Word just that quickly. It further confirms that I continue to share out of experience and NOT from what I heard or that I am mimicking from others.

What does this have to do with step families?? Nothing in this case, but EVERYTHING in general. I've said it before, people have a misconception that everyone gets thrown into a blender, you hit a button and out comes this wonderful blended family smoothie. Uh No. That’s not everyone’s story. More often than not, people although they love each other to a degree, are vying for attention, pushing to be the priority, to feel important, to make sure nothing is being “taken” from them…sometimes at the expense or disregard of others. With all that drama going on….sometimes (not all the time) its best to not miss the opportunity to shut up....pray, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord.  Don't get off center...and don't hit anyone in the neck with a bat (whatever, THAT's just good advice).

I Thessalonians 4:11 scripture says in the Message Bible “to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands.. Grandma said it all the time”baby...mind your own self business..”

I am so glad Dallas is back on..*I see you laughing, skip yall* laugh if you want to..but I learn something everytime I see it. Something about it..just makes me look for the layers..for the lesson…for the revelation and this past week..it was simple..in the words of the Rock..Know your role…and shut your mouth. Shhhhhhhh.




*pic courtesy of TNT

I CAN handle the truth, keep your pom-poms

My boys used to play football and I am not one of those parents that coddled them after games and kissed their scrapes. I always probed them to see what they learned by their action whether good or bad. Once my son and I discussed a game that they lost and he told me that the coach yelled at them for over an hour.  I know some parents would have called that coach and read him the riot act. Thankfully, I know THAT is a big mistake….so I thought about it and then asked him…well what do you think about that? He shocked me…he said…Ma, Coach was right. He said some of us were so busy chanting with the cheerleaders and pumping up the crowd that we didn’t listen to him and were confused on plays. Then he took a piece of paper and began drawing plays and showing me what they should have done versus what they did. I had no clue what he was talking about at this point but he was so excited to know WHAT to do and what didn’t work.  At 13 years old, he knew how to take, process and understand criticism without OFFENSE. That lesson was priceless.

I told my son that cheerleaders are not there for YOU.  They are there for the crowd….God love em, I was one- but they are NOT in the game. Their job is to stand on the sidelines and keep other people on the sidelines engaged in your game. Coaches may not be as pretty and they have no pon poms, nor will they tell you how cute you are after the game, but they are the ones with the wisdom.  While everyone is cheering, and yelling and chanting…coaches are watching, writing, instructing, developing, noticing and sometimes praying that you do what he knows you can do. That’s why after a winning game or season..no matter what players thank COACHES (after their mama, that is:) not cheerleaders. It’s the coaches that are truly in the trenches designing victory.

I learned a valuable lesson yesterday..well actually it just confirmed something I already knew.  There is a MAJOR difference between cheerleaders and coaches. I spoke with someone yesterday about some angst I was experiencing and some career moves that I was looking to take within my current position. Thankfully she didn’t coddle my wounds or tell me how awesome I was…she came at me with both barrels. I loved it! 1.  She was right  2. I trusted her opinion  3.  She trusted me enough to know that I was mature enough to handle it without offense and 4.  She didn’t use any cutesy techniques to tell me.  She just laid it out.  All the way home I turned over what she said and got myself together, I prayed and now I know WHAT to do.  Had she wasted my time with compliments, I might feel mushy and loved…but I wouldn’t be challenged or helped. I’ll take the latter. I want to grow. Don’t sandwich truth between two pon poms and a cartwheel. Also, get you some people in your circle that can get in your business and coach you to the next level. If you need cheerleaders, encourage yourself. But to raise a stepfamily or run a multimillion dollar corporation…you are going to need people with a clipboard, a whistle and megaphone. 

A clipboard, a whistle and megaphone??  We will talk about that in our next post…

I don't mind your mistakes, Just fight for me...

You ignored me

 

You gave me away

You sold me

I fell off a cliff

We got beat up…

The time that this son has spent with his estranged father hasn’t quite been an enriching experience.  Yet, when Max (the 11 year old son) is asked from his father (Charlie) “what does he want from him”…Max says simply….I want you to fight for me.

As the story went, the father did end up fighting for the son both emotionally and physically. The father’s act of bravery brought tears to his son eyes and Max was finally able to see him in a positive light, as a man that he could be proud of.

Our litany of screw ups as parents may not be as severe as Max’s father’s was, however, if we look back over our years of parenting we can certainly come across a laundry list of things that we wish we could re-do.  But out of all of the things we failed at…what our children really want from us are the simple things. They know we have other things on our plates, but they want us to value them and fight for time and memory making events with them.

I know you wanted to be able to take them on a cruise, but a fishing trip at the local river would be ok with them.  You are thinking bigger, better, more, more, more…they are thinking…YOU.  They just want you.  They want your time, your attention, your ears, your laughter, your encouragement, your motivation, your ideas, YOU.

Pray consistently for wisdom so you know how much time to give, when to prioritize, what’s really important and what can wait. I have seen a trip to the gas station singing in the car with my daughter turn into just the connection time we needed. I know you are busy..I understand, my schedule is massive.  But I FIND time and create time to spend with those that matter to me.  Fight for your family and the ties that bind it together…it’s not merely sacrifice-view it as an investment that yields eternal rewards.   

The Superfamily Visits The Holocaust Museum

I have an unyielding respect for the Jewish culture..outside of fact that they are God's beloved..their tenacity, work ethic, sense of family and business is unmatched by any other race of people.  We visited the www.HolocaustCenter.org.; which is America's 1st freestanding Holocaust Museum. Just in the opening timeline mural and section where the Jewish culture began (with Abraham) was enough to keep you enthralled. I still had more questions and things I wanted to read more about. I learned so much and was reminded of some things too...such as not using the term "ghetto" so loosely, now that I remember where it really came from. The whole tour and our guide was AMAZING. The kids that went with us were just as engaged...when we walked out...we had no idea we had just spent 4 hours there..

They burned thousands of books of the Jewish culture..There are thousands of books that we haven't seen and authors we haven't heard of because of this. It is said that a people that will burn books will eventually burn people...and that is EXACTLY what happened.

Depiction of a family sitting down for regular sabbath dinner...when they get a knock on the door saying they have 2 hours to be prepared to leave for the concentration camps.  They know that meant a place of no return.  They would be told that they were going to be showered..which was how Nazi's tricked Jews into getting into these large tanks...they were told that they would be showered...but instead they were gassed and killed.

The Mezuzah was a piece of parchment with scripture that was kept in a fancy case like this and put over the doorpost to fulfill the command in Deuteronomy.

This is known as the portrait of evil..this annoyed me to no end..this picture is HUGE..Its from floor to ceiling...probably the biggest thing in the museum.  His evil demonic presence is still sensed.  His decision to hate the Jews to this day cannot be explained except that he may have blamed them for losing the war.

This was a DETROIT paper that buried the story of 2 million being put to death on the 3rd or 4th page of the paper on top pf a jewelry ad..DISRESPECT at its highest level...it was like they were NOBODY...2 MILLION (just in THAT particular story) people and nobody said a WORD.

My Favorite section...I could have spent all day here looking at the Torah shown above...also note the "pointer"...Jews did not touch the Holy Scriptures...they felt that that even the words were Holy.  It took over a year for ONE of these to be written...they were done by HAND.  They also had a replica of the ark of the covenant and Shofars..just an awe inspiring exhibit.

Symbols of evil (once a Japanese tantric and Buddhist symbol)...the flag and its symbol is known universally now as a the sign of hatred, prejudice and death!

The DEARBORN (Michigan) paper writes an article discussing the Jewish Question.. It is defined as " a neutral expression for the negative attitude toward the apparent and persistent singularity of the Jews as a people against the background of the rising political nationalisms" .  It was sort of a Code Word.  To this "Problem"...a solution was created...dubbed "The Final Solution"-the systematic extermination of the Jewish people-known to us as The HOLOCAUST.

Their people today call themselves SURVIVORS...not victims.  Its that survivors mentality that has served the Jewish people well...a large percentage own businesses, are educated, family oriented, and are religiously grounded. They have not only survived...they have THRIVED...

The Superfamily will continue to pray for the peace of Israel..as commanded by scripture...there is a blessing in blessing an incredible people of God.

Blog Break-GET MOTIVATED

Yes, we are still covering the background for the Superfamily coat of arms this month, but I needed to share this after stumbling across some notes.

Going through my notebooks for 2011 I came across my notes from the “Get Motivated” Seminar I attended.  I don’t remember sharing them on my blog. I believe I initially thought…they were more business related versus family oriented.  But in reviewing them, some of the principles that govern stable businesses are relevant for families as well.  There is no corporation more strategic, valuable and intricate than a family.  The added dimension of the complexities of a blended family rival that of merging two major conglomerates!

 So review these nuggets with your family AND your business in mind.  I hope something is recorded in them that will help you build and develop your strategic plan for 2012!

1. During the time of change and disruption, seek and you will find opportunity.
2. Take on the tough assignments.
3. Be easy to manage, stay humble, meek and learn how to accept bad news.
4. It may take several attempts to achieve success.
5. Build your personal value and know what value add you bring to the table. [In nana's words you gotta be more than breath and britches]
6. People from the the 2^nd top country in this world wishes they were here with your opportunity.
7. Even if you win the rat race, you are still a rat. Keep the main thing, the main thing.
8. Work diligently to restore relationships.  The crime problem is directly related to the father-son problem.  This is why in the Jewish culture you find less of their young men in jail.  Fathers in their culture, verbally bless their children often.
9. “Why” is often more important than “how”.  Understand motive and any “how” will do.
10. What are you willing to do EVERY single day of your life?
11. Keep it simple.  Meet the customers’ need, make a profit. Business 101. 
12. If you finish last in medical school…you are still called doctor.  So don’t be discriminate and think just degreed individuals are the brightest bulb in the pack.  In 2010 93.9% of all billionaires in world never even finished college and if they did it wasnt until after they were wealthy.  Wisdom is the principal thing, you can learn from anyone.
13. W.I.N. “What’s Important Now”??
14. First we will be the best, and then we will be first.
15. Failure=succeeding at the wrong thing.

Lastly…raise your hand as high as you can (no, actually do it) …now raise it higher!  Why didn’t you do that at first??  Because we always hold “something” back.  Fear and vulnerability keeps us from always giving our best.  Conquer fear, be strong and courageous.  The worst that can happen is that you stay where you are...but what if you actually achieve...all...or maybe even 2 of the things that you are dreaming of.  Ok, put your hand down…and make your plans 2012! Its NOT too late to get motivated.

Sweet "13"

13???  This throws some people off...not sure why- its simple, Superfamily started with 13 people. Myself and my husband, his six kids and my five kids..which equals 13.  We have in-laws and grandchildren now that are added as a part of the family, however the Superfamily core started with the 2 plus 11. We became a family unit on June 30^th 2007 and whereas my husband and I symbolized our union with a covenant agreement the family symbolized our union by taking communion together.  Its like the 12 tribes of Israel…that number “12” never changes even though the descendents of Israel are now too numerous to number.  Israelites just let you know…I’m of the tribe of Judah.  So I guess our Great grandchildren will say that they are of the tribe of Jerica… Jason??  You get the point. 

What’s interesting is that although the 12 tribes were looked at as a unit called “The Children of Israel” (for us its the Superfamily), each tribe had its own distinction based on the giftings and talents of the founding member of that tribe.  For example, the most well-known two are the tribes of Levi and the tribe of Judah.  The Levitical tribe is where the priests came from and the Tribe of Judah is known for the “praisers”.  If you were of the tribe of Levi…your expectations were that you would have an empowerment to carry the office of priest.  You lived it, you were preparing for it.  The tribe of Judah was the same.  If you were a child that was a descendant of Judah, it was expected that you knew how to usher in the presence of God with spiritual songs and praise. But EVERY tribe had the blessing of Abraham.

Each of our children carry a uniqueness that is defined by the calling and gifting of myself, my husband and what God has called them to do individually. However, there are some empowerments, anointings and blessings that we are speaking over them and into them that they are to spread down into their “tribe”.

Think about it:  What are you telling your children that they are and what they can do? What are you speaking in their spirit and having them say out of their mouths? What blessing are you preparing as a legacy for them and your heirs?? Don't just rattle off something..fast/pray about it and turn it over for awhile and then when God gives the green light on your proclaimation..start ta' speaking!

Authentic Assessment of EPIC FAILS

During this time of reflection we get caught up in the laundry list of everything that was absolutely wonderful about the year…eh..nice, feel goodish..cool for a "swell your chest up" look what I did moment, but without balance its' ineffective at real personal growth. 2012 is a year of divine order so pat yourself on the back if you must, but balance it with truth about what really didn’t go well, so you can be ready.

Me? I have had MAJOR EPIC FAILS this year.  Things, projects, people that I wasted time energy and resources on that should have been handled differently.  Other things that I should have devoted more time to that I threw by the wayside. I could have done more, way more.  For instance…..

I did a theater production this year..it was almost a 2 month run, it was good! But there were many auditions I turned down, and I shouldn’t have. I turned down teaching a girls group class because I thought I should be doing something else.  I shouldn’t have-FAIL. (Lesson: things that I enjoy and can do now that my children are older, should not be sacrificed out of fear, guilt for people that don’t notice or things that don’t matter..My God given gifts will no longer be unemployed)

 This year I had to admit that a project that I gave much energy into has yielded very poor results and I kept pouring more energy into it-FAIL (Lesson: Make honest assessments earlier in the game.  When something reveals itself as a dead end..you should believe it.  There are other doors, and God’s promise is that he will open up a window.  Look for opportunities everywhere and outside of the box that others put you in.  Quit wasting time spinning in circles with intimidation-look for confidence and sow into it.)

Yes, I took my daughter to Chicago and to see Wicked as promised….but what about all the weekend trips to the mall, movies and lunch at our favorite place that have been canceled..not so good. Or her last band performance of the year that I missed to race across town to help someone who really didn’t need my help after all. EPIC FAIL-ooooThis one still burns me up...I digress (Lesson: Family first period.  This was me and my husband’s consistent confession since 2007 and we’re going back to it.  Everything and everyone else, simply secondary.)

Nope, this isn’t as fun as ooo I got a new car or a new job this year! But whatever.. my car is good..but it won’t get me to the next level.  Its only by being honest with me, God and everyone around me that I can truly grow.  I can do this all night…gotta a list of about 16 so far.   I care enough about my kingdom assignments (ministry, books, teaching, training), my husband, my kids and my friends to do this so I can be a better ME. Take time this weekend and make a true assessment. Ask your friends…no, not the ego strokers- I mean the straight up ones that know you, that you trust and that trust you..that will say frankly..”you suck at this, this and this and you need to do better. Listen, really listen, pray and work on a strategy to change.  Let’s put 2012 in divine order starting with YOU.

Strategy...plan....list ...HOW??  Stay tuned for the Superfamily's final blog post of the year on tomorrow along with an exciting announcement!!

Its' all gotta go....

As most of you know (if you follow me on FB or Twitter)The Superfamily just recent had a fire in our home. No one was hurt and nothing of any real value was damaged (no major structural damage etc..). However, even after the fire dept aired the house out with “superfan”, the house still smelled of burned plastic and smoke. Although the fire was contained to the basement, its effects permeated to every lower level bedroom as well as up to my bedroom on the main floor to the kitchen, living room, dining room and bathroom. In short, the whole house was contaminated because of a small fire in a contained location.

The insurance company has set us in a several hotel suites and the family is doing ok, terribly inconvenienced but ok. But the house is another story. The professional restoration people has practically wiped my home out. They have taken everything from the pictures that were on the wall to every VCR tape we had in the house. All the furniture, tables, chairs, beds, dressers, clothes, shoes, washer, dryer, pots, pans, vases…EVERYTHING was packed in a box to be cleaned offsite and brought back after renovation.

I had a tough time with this. It seemed a bit overboard and it was inconveniencing me even further. I had to go buy pans & pots to cook with at the hotel for goodness sake. It seemed to me that as long as the basement was cleaned, the rest of the house should be fine. But the professionals knew better. They knew that after the reconstruction, the painting, the cleaning of carpet, washing on walls and every crevice of the basement was not enough to ensure that my home would smell appropriately and not continue to push smut though the air from one room to the next…. They HAD to take out everything that was touched by smoke, take it away and clean it. In so many words they told me, its all gotta go. At one point I went and sat in my living room and cried. I spent four years designing the walls and finding the perfect B & W photos, finally picking out furniture and making a pretty big house a warm home. To see it all in shambles, dirty, smelly and boxed away was overwhelming. To know my family had to scramble to find a few day’s worth of clothes and my husband lost rest and time having to handle the business of this was more than I could take. Angry wasn’t the word. I should be studying for a play, finishing my book and helping to plan a wedding, not hauling clothes and food in my car to 4 different hotel rooms. However, the professionals also told me that when they return the items, they will look like new and the smell of smoke will not be on them anywhere. Hmmm...that's an upside...

Somebody out there has some things in their heart that were ruined by poor relationships, a torrid past or bad decision making. My advice to you…its all gotta go. Give it all to God and allow him to make it all brand new. You will be inconvenienced for awhile, but when He begins to restore you to your rightful place…you will be like new again. So sit in the living room and cry, like I did if you must…but please know DON’T’ keep the damage hidden from the Lord. Expose your hurts, your disappointments and your desires to Him and let him restore to you the joy of your salvation. But first…its all gotta go.

Gardening in the house

His Highness and I are stepping up our gardening this year.  We started a small garden last year and successfully grew green peppers, banana peppers and the like.  This year we are branching out and planting other fruits and veggies such as greens, watermelons, crowder peas, lettuce and tomatoes.  

Our ground (zone 5) is hard and cold right now.  Our growing season is short comparatively.  Knowing this, it is wise to start your seeds in a planter..grow them inside to prepare them for outside.  You are limited by space in the house of course, but by starting small, you gain an advantage to have a bigger harvest than what you would have if you had waited until the ground was ready.

Step parenting or parenting in general is a major lesson of seed….time….and harvest.  If you wait until your children are “ready” to hear instruction from you or accept your advice or guidance, you have lost prime time in making a difference.  With stepchildren this is even more vital because in some cases, depending on the situation, or due to resentment or family structure you may not be revered as an authoritative voice in their life. BUT that does not preclude you from the lessons you can teach from afar, by example…seedlings.

There are things I do, or don’t do that “teach” all time.  The way I serve my husband, decorate my home, organize my day, plan in advance, what I wear, how I speak, my mistakes, my triumphs..  It may be “small” in that I am not sitting down having a one on one consultation on the do’s and do not’s…but my little actions can speak louder than words.  One day when the “ground is ready” my wisdom, insight, or perspective may be better received and a harvest greater than what would have been realized if my little seedlings had not been planted along the way. Seed...TIME....and Harvest..

Get The Rebound...

The 1989-1990 Detroit Pistons was my most favored sports team of all time. Partly because there were no “stars”. Noone really shined more than anyone else…it was The Detroit Pistons against Larry Byrd and the Celtics, or Magic Johnson and the Lakers…they Pistons were always billed as a team (much like the Superfamily :). The reason I believe that their back to back championship seasons were so successful was due to wisdom of their coach Chuck Daly who put every Pistons in the right role for the right time.

Just recently NBA retired Dennis Rodman was in back in Detroit to retire his jersey number 10. Dennis was a rebound rustler. His job was to get the rebound…Dennis rarely drove the ball down court, or took three point shots. Again, His job was to get the rebound. He was named Defensive Player of year and helped the Pistons get two championship rings by doing what he was designed to do and staying in his lane. Other Pistons may have gotten better stats in points or free throws but that “1” in the win column would not have happened had it not been for Dennis’ role. He was designed to play defense. His job was to get the rebound.

In Stepfamilies, the lines of roles and responsibilities can get blurry. You get a lot of unsolicited, although perhaps well-meaning advice from people who have no clue as to the intricacies of the dynamics you face on a day to day basis. Trying to navigate what others think, and what your role actually is in every separate new relationship in the family is draining, demanding and emotionally strenuous. You cross a line here and get slapped back. You don’t do “enough” here and get criticized behind your back. Its enough to make you want to retreat and mind your own self-business (as grandma would say). I know, because I’ve done it and its an emergency tactic to have to get refocused and hear clearly from God.

Like Dennis, You need to hear from the "coach" to know what you are supposed to do. You may think its shooting, blocking, or dribbling..but you could just be assigned to getting the “rebounds”. ..just picking up pieces…here and there..getting in where you fit in.. Its not as glamorous, but your family will not get one in the win column without your skill set and tenacity. They may not even respect it, but eventually…even if it years later…”your jersey” will rise to the rafters and many will rise and call you blessed.  Be diligent about learning your role and then stay in that lane.  THAT is the only place where there is grace to prosper.  If you veer or get into the roles that others should be doing, you will be operating on your own..and alone is NO place to be if you are running a Superfamily.

What are you putting into your child's MEGAMIND...

What instructions are you giving to your children? Who are you telling them that they are or can become? You may not think your input is important, but it is. The recent family hit movie “MegaMind” does a great job of displaying this theory. In the very beginning the Main character “MegaMind” is being sent by his parents to earth to save him from his exploding planet. When his parents place him in his space tube, they begin to tell him his awesome destiny when the hatch closes prematurely and MegaMind doesn’t hear the whole thing. Fast Forward, he ends up being raised by prisoners, shunned by school mates and determines within himself that he is supposed to be a super villain.

Eventually he learns that he doesn’t “have” to be evil. He learned that he can make different choices. But not before demolishing most of the city, taking over city hall and destroying the citizens way of life.

How many paths of destruction will your child have to stumble down…and how many messes will he or she make before you tell them and convince them of who they are and what they can do? Don’t let the "hatch" close (lines of communication) without letting them know what they are wired to do. This means you have to know your child. You need to know their strengths, their weaknesses and the way that they learn and respond.

In stepfamilies, this is extremely important because in most cases you have at least two parents that are missing from the everyday lives of any children involved that were brought into the marriage. Your job as their parent is to make sure that you don’t abandon this dynamic of your role in your child’s life. You cannot focus so much on blending everything together that you disregard the unique gifts of your children that God charged you with explicitly to nurture and cultivate. You are equipped with a unique perspicacity for your child….regardless of how old they are. Use your gift and sow words of wisdom, power and direction into them as often as you can. Tell them the have the Mind of Christ...which is a MEGAmind indeed!

"YOU Again"

While enjoying a nice afternoon in the nail salon, my daughter and I watched a movie called You Again. It starred Sigourney Weaver, Jamie Lee Curtis as two former high school rivals who daughters also became high school rivals. They meet back up when Jamie Lee Curtis’ son decides to marry Sigourney’s daughter, who again is the rival of his sister.

Wild antics occur when past feelings, hurts, fights and emotions seep to the surface between all four of the old rivals. So much so, that the wedding rehearsal is destroyed and the wedding is called off. Although not quite as planned, cooler heads prevail and *spoiler alert* the wedding goes on. It was near the end of the movie that caught my attention. At the very end..one of the grandmothers, played by Betty White runs into another older woman at the reception and they look at each other with disdain and shout “You Again”. In an “a-ha flashback moment” It is insinuated that this feud started long before the daughters and mothers. It started with the grandmothers and the cycle has been revisited in every generation since.

The movie just served as a reminder to me that negative cycles will reappear in your relationships, your children and their relationships, your job etc.. if you don’t change and modify behavior toward the positive. It is on my worklist to never have face another negative cycle and mumble in submission ugh.. not “You Again”. It is imperative that stupidity I dealt with, faced and fell under...ends with me.

Reposition Yourself...

The GPS on my phone is pretty helpful. You know the drill, you punch in where you want to go, and the smooth voice tells you which way to get there. They tell you every turn, calculate traffic, distance, barriers and upcoming freeways. All goes well until you do something that the “voice’ did not tell you to do.

You know how it is…we see a familiar street and say…Oh, I can go this way…or traffic looks heavy and you decide to turn off on an exit instead of being patient and waiting. Then the GPS goes into overdrive..it begins to yell at you “You are off course”, Incorrect turn, Incorrect turn. At first it tries to tell you to make a few turns to get you back on the road you were on. However, after you get so far out, you will hear nothing while it “thinks” of what to do with you next. Then after it loads back up you hear recalculating route…meaning the GPS sees that you are WAY off track and is now trying to find the best route based on where you are and where you still say you are going.

Usually that route is longer and more complex than if you had stayed on the initial path to begin with. You will still get where you are going but it will take longer and probably be a little more frustrating than if you had just stayed on the path.

I have spent the end of last year and the beginning of 2011 getting back on the right route. Sometimes you can get so caught up with the projects, dreams, responsibilities and visions of other people that all of a sudden you look up and everything you are supposed to be doing is taking a back seat, Not gonna work.

In a family our size its easy to get lost in my husband's projects, fitness, rehearsal schedules, responsibilities or my daughters camp activties, school/homework, hanging with the Grandkids, housework, work and projects for my employer, and Junior League & Church is another life of its own. But in the hustle and bustle of all of that am I excused from what I am supposed to be doing? Nope. God fully expects me to use what I have to get it done. I am equipped with what I need to do it..and if I choose to do 50 million other things too...thats on me, but I still have a responsibility to my assignment.

So my GPS was off a little...but I'm back on track.. my husband, the Superfamily and the assignments that I have been given from God are my priority. Everything else is secondary and hopefully I will make fewer "incorrect turns" in 2011.

The UN-you

When you see this error message pop up in either e-mail correspondence or when trying to log onto a system...it usually means something you did prior to this step causes the computer to question whether you are a "real person" or not. The system will then require you to put in a code or password to prove that you are not a machine...or spam.

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Everyone once in awhile you need to do a inner system check to see if you are a "real person" or not. Seriously. When people see you...what do they see...the nice you, the polite you, the ameniable you...? Have you been playing the role of "you" for so long that the mask is glued to your face and you don't know the real "you" anymore. You have forgotten what you like, what you dreamed, what you have been designed to do, what you dislike, what you really feel... Its been a whirlwind...years.. months...days.. that you have spent faking a smile, faking a acquaintence, faking a lifestyle, faking a level of committment. You are so used to lying you know longer notice that you eat pickles, just because "the cool" kids did and you wanted to look cool. You pay no attention to the fact that when you get dressed 50 people run through you mind that you want to impress with your new suit or handbag. You only go to that church because your greatgrandad help build the cornerstone. You go along to get along..Fake.

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You have become a shell of who you are supposed to be and if you don't delve deep soon, understand the code and authenticate yourself...you wont be able to go any further. What does this have to do with blended families and 2nd marriages...TONS! With all the sticky and intricate dynamics of a stepfamily you walk on eggshells and tow fine lines hourly. You are constantly being careful not offend or cross sacred lines, sensitivities or boundaries. So you adjust, you change, you flip, you flop, you hold this back...you become the Un-you. Fake.

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You don't want to be compared or viewed anything like the ex-her or the ex-him-nothing wrong with that, uh NOBODY does or should....But the other extreme is that you will go out of your way to be nothing like anyone else your spouse has ever been with. That too is fake.

Enough to drive a person crazy! What's the remedy?

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Cling to your faith in Chirst and keep your conscience clear, for some people have deliberately violated their conscience and as a result their faith has been shipwrecked 1st Timothy 1:19. NLT

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KEEPING YOUR CONSCIENCE CLEAR has a direct effect of your faith. Daily...hourly if you have to...ask yourself one of the deepest questions in the world...WHY? Why am I doing this, why am I saying this, why am I going here, why am I speaking to her, why am I ignoring them, why dont I feel comfortable... You may lie to others, but tell yourself the truth. Relearn you and become genuine, authentic...real. Its time to un-do the un-you.

Its half time...time to huddle up!

Our point of reference for "half time" drifts to a sports game...and halfway through the game all play stops, the team comes off the field and goes into the locker room. Most players change clothes, shoes, take a quick shower. Some may grab something to drink or eat to keep their energy up. But after all of the initial commotion stops..its time for the coach to speak. The coach goes over what went well, what went wrong and what the strategy the team will use to work toward victory.

Its July and a little more than half of the year has past. Summertime is finally here and the sunshine, cool breezes and holidays bring about looser schedules..lazy afternoons, and vacations. Nothing is wrong with any of that except that by the time you get your footing again the kids are back in school, its mid September and in three months the year will be over and very few of your 2010 goals have been met.

Every mid year I have learned to huddle up. I come off the field (take a few days off work..or plan a long weekend)..change clothes (no suits, pantyhose or pumps) nourish myself and then prepare to listen to the coach...for me that's God.

I go over my year plans/goals and update myself as to where I am with completing them. I see what I have done well...what I have done not so well and adjust where necessary. I make tasks sheets to give direction as to what I need to accomplish and then determine if there is more I can take on or if there is something I need to let go.

This process rejuvenates a sports team and it does wonders for an individual as well. I also use this time to review my daughters schedule and goals..and plan time off for my husband and I.

Don't let the rest of this year just happen to you. Its half time...and its time huddle up...take stock and plan out the rest of your year...Live on purpose.

Flying a little lower

Our SuperCape is ripped. We have been together almost three years now. We had some bumps and bruises when we first started but mostly they were from people outside of our home and we eventually sailed through it. But in just the 1st 6 months of this year the flaws, cracks and crevices have begun to come out of hiding and if you aren’t careful, when this happens (and it happens to almost EVERY stepfamily from what I studied) you can easily be overwhelmed.

We’ve got school issues, suspensions, bad grades and the like. We’ve got promiscuity issues and as a result new babies came, are here and are coming. We’ve got self esteem issues and we see desperation for attention in extremely unfruitful ways. There are diligence problems and anger issues and truth is you name it…we have dealt with it…are dealing it…or perhaps will deal it.

Mind you…that’s just the kids stuff..I haven’t shared with you my own struggles and things that John may be facing or working through. This blog entry would be too long.

Now it hasn’t all been rain..we have had some sunshine this year as well. We have had a college graduation and the announcement of two weddings. We got some awesome new furniture after three years of looking . We were proud parents/stepparent of two national band competition winners. One has managed a successful run in a student play. We have had two kids with major repair surgeries and both came out ok, with no alarm or issues.

Somehow, through it all we do not feel beleaguered or under siege. We just recognize that our Superfamily cape has rips and rips are ok...KEEP FLYING..just fly a little lower until you get the pieces back together.. We strongly believe that what we are facing is not just for us, but for other families who may be ashamed to admit to problems that they are facing and not know what to do. There has to be someone who has ridden a storm in order for others to see them and have hope. Willing or not, God chose us to ride ahead of others that are coming and stand on the rock like a lighthouse so others know that they can make it to the other side. A picture of a lighthouse is on our family mission statement and now more than ever God is calling us to be true to what we confessed our purpose to be!

Resolution 2010: To eat Healthier, on a Budget?

From what we gather in most grocery markets the price of eating clean, organic or otherwise health comes with a hefty price tag. With the convenience of fast food coupled with busy lifestyles & limited budgets, those of us in charge of the family meal find ourselves in quite the quandary. Don’t forget to throw in our desire to feed our family a more healthy and nutritious diet.

I have studied purchasing organics through information I researched from dozens of top nutritionists, Slow food advisors, physicians that I work with, Whole foods tours & seminars, and practical, hands on experience. What I have discovered is that with a little work you can feed your family at least 75%-80% healthier by June in 2010 and yes, on a budget. Here are my top 5 ways to eat better and save more.

1. Know the difference between all-natural and organic. In my opinion, all natural is a complete farce. As long as the ingredient came from planet earth it can be considered “natural”. DON’T believe the hype. “Organic” however is regulated heavily by the USDA. To be labeled “organic” the food item was grown or raised in a completely chemical free environment. This means no pesticides, hormones, antibiotics or artificial ingredients are in the food. THIS IS THE WAY TO GO and a great money saver versus some “all natural” items.

2. Study the “dirty dozen” and make these items the place you start buying organic items as they will have the most impact. The dirty 12 are worst food items that carry the highest rating of pesticides. BUY THESE ITEMS ORGANIC: (listed most harmful 1st) Peaches, Apples, Bell Peppers, Celery, Nectarines, Strawberries, Cherries, Kale, Lettuce, Grapes, Carrots & Pears. You can find out more about this on www.foodnews.org

3. Consider Generics. Meijers has a Meijers Organics brand. Even Whole Foods has “365” which features organic items as well.

4. Sales and Coupons. Most shoppers have gotten away from shopping with wisdom, but if in 2010 another one of your goals is to be a better steward with finances, you may need to go back ‘to the ole time way”. Clipping coupons and stocking up on sale items has saved me up to 50%-60% on my regular grocery bill. My biggest savings has been regular price $178.54 ~total purchase price: $54.30. I will never forget that moment of triumph. Even organics go on sale.

5. MEAT: Beef is one of the biggest culprit of hormones & antibiotics and can be the most expensive organically speaking. One way to cut cost is to serve a few meals without meat (ex. veggie lasagna, add extra 2% cheese & extra sauce they won’t know the difference). Buy other organic meats like chicken, fish or lean pork. Or look for beef that is listed as antibiotic or hormone free. Although the animals may have eaten regular feed, the meat would still partially qualify with the other organic requirements.