The UN-you

When you see this error message pop up in either e-mail correspondence or when trying to log onto a system...it usually means something you did prior to this step causes the computer to question whether you are a "real person" or not. The system will then require you to put in a code or password to prove that you are not a machine...or spam.

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Everyone once in awhile you need to do a inner system check to see if you are a "real person" or not. Seriously. When people see you...what do they see...the nice you, the polite you, the ameniable you...? Have you been playing the role of "you" for so long that the mask is glued to your face and you don't know the real "you" anymore. You have forgotten what you like, what you dreamed, what you have been designed to do, what you dislike, what you really feel... Its been a whirlwind...years.. months...days.. that you have spent faking a smile, faking a acquaintence, faking a lifestyle, faking a level of committment. You are so used to lying you know longer notice that you eat pickles, just because "the cool" kids did and you wanted to look cool. You pay no attention to the fact that when you get dressed 50 people run through you mind that you want to impress with your new suit or handbag. You only go to that church because your greatgrandad help build the cornerstone. You go along to get along..Fake.

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You have become a shell of who you are supposed to be and if you don't delve deep soon, understand the code and authenticate yourself...you wont be able to go any further. What does this have to do with blended families and 2nd marriages...TONS! With all the sticky and intricate dynamics of a stepfamily you walk on eggshells and tow fine lines hourly. You are constantly being careful not offend or cross sacred lines, sensitivities or boundaries. So you adjust, you change, you flip, you flop, you hold this back...you become the Un-you. Fake.

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You don't want to be compared or viewed anything like the ex-her or the ex-him-nothing wrong with that, uh NOBODY does or should....But the other extreme is that you will go out of your way to be nothing like anyone else your spouse has ever been with. That too is fake.

Enough to drive a person crazy! What's the remedy?

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Cling to your faith in Chirst and keep your conscience clear, for some people have deliberately violated their conscience and as a result their faith has been shipwrecked 1st Timothy 1:19. NLT

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KEEPING YOUR CONSCIENCE CLEAR has a direct effect of your faith. Daily...hourly if you have to...ask yourself one of the deepest questions in the world...WHY? Why am I doing this, why am I saying this, why am I going here, why am I speaking to her, why am I ignoring them, why dont I feel comfortable... You may lie to others, but tell yourself the truth. Relearn you and become genuine, authentic...real. Its time to un-do the un-you.

The Excitement is Mounting...

This weekend, we go on our annual trek to Cedar Point in Sandusky OH. The kids are besides themselves with excitement. Now the buzz is "what are we going to wear? Who's going to ride what? What are you taking on the bus? It's actually fun to watch them. You would think we were going on a 10 day Mediterranean Cruise. But that's what so neat about it. It doesn't take very much to make them happy. It also doesn't take much for them to have a good time. Anyone who was at our wedding reception could vouch for that. They still talk about it even a year later... All of them together at a dinner table will keep you laughing for hours. Really, they actually have a superhero contest as in; they make hypothetical pairings and very loudly debate over who would win between ex. Wolverine and the HULK. I think last we checked Magneto (X-Men) was the overall winner.

So anyway its off to Cedar Point . My husband's family (sister, nieces) is coming and so is my family(parents, siblings etc..). The kids have friends from school, the neighborhood and church coming. The memories we create on the bus ride alone will be things we cherish for years.

As a "Superfamily" (Our new politically correct term for stepfamily or blended, both of which in my opinion are not quite accurate), its important to build new memories TOGETHER. Both families come with their own sets of memories from their past family life. However, everyone involved is in a new family now and the importance of building a new past together (as I call it) cannot be taken for granted.

Do you, or your family have a bus load of painful memories? Start building your new past today. Make new memories, start new traditions. Get out of what you used to do with her and what he always did with you and look at what's best for this NEW family. What are their talents and abilities? Where can we go or what can we do as a family that will spark conversations and leave lasting impressions? For us it's Cedar Point, for you it may be a camping or fishing trip, a annual barbeque or a family scrapbook.

Its not likely that either former separate family will forget things they use to do or places they used to go. But now we have balance and all of the past memories don't have to be ones that include a tinge of pain or yearning over of a spouse, relationship or a parent that is no longer there. Now, even though we separately remember the old past, we can also laugh together at the thought of a match up between Iron Man and Cyclops.