In a recent sitcom, Linda was grilling Audrey about going
over the top in one of her relationships. She dogged her for always being there,
sort of waiting on her boyfriend, “Trevor” hand and foot, cooking when he what
he wants, when he wants, laundry etc…in short WAY too much. Audrey responds to
one of Linda’s many questions by saying” But he has a broken leg” and Linda’s classic
response “I know, I see all 3 of his crutches, 1…2 and YOU.
I often say “my circle is so small it’s a line”. That’s
funny, but its truth. But the folks in my line…I can count on. It can be 3 AM
or 3PM, I can call from jail or Jerusalem if I need them, they are ride or
die. Yet I can’t tell you the last time
I talked on the phone with them for over 10 minutes. However, that is also why
I value them. I know if they do call -
there is a problem or something is happening good or bad that I need to know… I
know we don’t just “shoot the breeze”. So that means it’s important or serious
and I come to a full stop. Sometimes, I
become one of the crutches holding them up until the pain has passed. Sometimes
they are the crutch for me. That is the ONLY role of a crutch and it’s
TEMPORARY. I then resume my place in the background of their life, like a
safety net. Now, if you saw someone still walking on crutches a year or two after
a simple sprained ankle, you would know that something went WAY wrong in the
healing process or they are afraid of falling again.
Some of us treat our “friends” or relationships in general
as if they are in a full body cast. We
act as if the relationship is helpless to stand on its own unless you are there
feeding it constantly with activity, favors, and compliments. Seriously, take a lesson from God.
God called Abraham his friend, yet in a span of about 30
years from Genesis chapter 12 until chapter 22, God is recorded as speaking only 7 times to him.
If your friend only called you maybe once every 5 years or so…YOU would not
call them friend, but they may be. That's not to say that relationships won't need work on occasion or that you won't need to take the initiative to reestablish a VALUABLE friendship sometimes.
Yet, relationships are more than activities. Its’ found in
connection. It’s in a look, a knowing glance that says, “I hear what you are
saying, but I know what you are feeling”. It’s in being able to freely say to a friend that
they are acting like an idiot, fight about it and then go to Wendy’s for a
frosty.
Needy people will need people all the time. You will rarely see them stand on their own
two feet without “crutches”. You will
rarely see them alone. As soon as one
relationship ends, they are with another guy, friend or buddy filling an
emotional vacancy that is a sure sign of a deeper issue. I’ve got five dollars
that says you don’t have that kind of time. Quit taking the term friendship so lightly. You owe it to you and your true inner
circle, to do some assessing (I call it circle editing) and see who stays, who
goes or gets a brand new title: acquaintance.
