Blog Break-GET MOTIVATED

Yes, we are still covering the background for the Superfamily coat of arms this month, but I needed to share this after stumbling across some notes.

Going through my notebooks for 2011 I came across my notes from the “Get Motivated” Seminar I attended.  I don’t remember sharing them on my blog. I believe I initially thought…they were more business related versus family oriented.  But in reviewing them, some of the principles that govern stable businesses are relevant for families as well.  There is no corporation more strategic, valuable and intricate than a family.  The added dimension of the complexities of a blended family rival that of merging two major conglomerates!

 So review these nuggets with your family AND your business in mind.  I hope something is recorded in them that will help you build and develop your strategic plan for 2012!

1. During the time of change and disruption, seek and you will find opportunity.
2. Take on the tough assignments.
3. Be easy to manage, stay humble, meek and learn how to accept bad news.
4. It may take several attempts to achieve success.
5. Build your personal value and know what value add you bring to the table. [In nana's words you gotta be more than breath and britches]
6. People from the the 2^nd top country in this world wishes they were here with your opportunity.
7. Even if you win the rat race, you are still a rat. Keep the main thing, the main thing.
8. Work diligently to restore relationships.  The crime problem is directly related to the father-son problem.  This is why in the Jewish culture you find less of their young men in jail.  Fathers in their culture, verbally bless their children often.
9. “Why” is often more important than “how”.  Understand motive and any “how” will do.
10. What are you willing to do EVERY single day of your life?
11. Keep it simple.  Meet the customers’ need, make a profit. Business 101. 
12. If you finish last in medical school…you are still called doctor.  So don’t be discriminate and think just degreed individuals are the brightest bulb in the pack.  In 2010 93.9% of all billionaires in world never even finished college and if they did it wasnt until after they were wealthy.  Wisdom is the principal thing, you can learn from anyone.
13. W.I.N. “What’s Important Now”??
14. First we will be the best, and then we will be first.
15. Failure=succeeding at the wrong thing.

Lastly…raise your hand as high as you can (no, actually do it) …now raise it higher!  Why didn’t you do that at first??  Because we always hold “something” back.  Fear and vulnerability keeps us from always giving our best.  Conquer fear, be strong and courageous.  The worst that can happen is that you stay where you are...but what if you actually achieve...all...or maybe even 2 of the things that you are dreaming of.  Ok, put your hand down…and make your plans 2012! Its NOT too late to get motivated.

Four Christmases

There is a movie out now called "Four Christmases". The premise of the movie is that there is a couple that has parents that are divorced and they collectively are a part of four "step" families. The goal was to always be "busy" during the holidays so they wouldn't have to wade through trying to see everyone, every holiday. This year, the vacation getaway plans get canceled and they have to make an effort to be everything to everybody that's important to them. I haven't seen the movie but we can relate. Being in a Superfamily, we actively deal with at least 3-4 families every holiday not including our own household. First of all, there is my family. That includes mama and em', daddy, my sisters, brothers, in laws, nieces and nephews. Then there is John's family, he has a brother, two sisters, nieces, nephews and in laws. Then there is John's kids family (his former wife's relatives) which include their grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins. Then John's oldest son has his own family which includes his children and wife.

So you figure it out...who do you go see first? Who do you say no too? What happens when it is your turn to host on "your side" of the family but your spouse's sister turn on the other side. Or a scenario could be-your kids are pulling you to see their mother's family which of course cannot include your current spouse and her side of the family. So, to take them means leaving them and their children behind and spending time with your former family, when you really have a new set of in-laws that you need to get to know. UGH, all you really want is to get back into bed with your husband or wife, eat a TV dinner and some popcorn and forget everyone else. Its enough to bring you to heap of frustrated tears, if you allow it. You stretch yourself so thin and in the end without fail someone is left disappointed-usually you. Trust us, real "stepfamily" life is a far cry from the what was displayed on the Brady Bunch. There is no Alice to help clean up messes and NOTHING gets solved in 22 minutes plus commercials.

For example, Thanksgiving this year was over my brother's house (on my side of the family). John's side did not have any concrete plans. He decided to go to his son's house to take his children to visit and visit with my family later. To which I said NO. Really, I did. I said that because I don't want him running all over the place trying to make everyone happy. I said if you are going to be with your son, just be there and I will see you later. Me and my kids would be fine, we would miss the other side of the Superfamily but we would still have a great time with mama and em' and catch them back at the house. Unfortunately for John, his plans did not go as orchestrated and he ended up over his son's house for the entire holiday. He felt bad about not being with me (as well he should have, because I am the bomb:-). But I was fine, I missed sharing a new memory with him, but we had an absolute blast, much too much food and hated to leave. My family was already are talking about the next time we will all get together. Everyone that was suppose to be there was there. That's how God does things.

But if it were in the reverse, Honestly, I would probably have felt just like John. Feeling.... just like my super cape had a hole in it and I fell instead of "flew". He and I worked through what he was feeling and I reiterated why I did all I could to relieve any expectations or pressures in that area. I never want him to feel like that again. However, we are complex and everyday we face new awkward complexities. Sacrifice and disappointment are inevitable, but how you deal with it can make the difference. We're learning.........

Our holiday advice for stepfamilies:

1. PLAN ahead. Do not wait until the week of, or day of and think that you can manage a complex family situation-it won't work. Communicate your plan ahead of time and listen to (and consider) your spouse's suggestion about your plans.


2. Learn to say NO. Sometimes to your kids, sometimes to your family, sometimes to your job, church, neighborhood or club. You cannot do everything, get over it and let other people know they need to get over it too.


3. Understand and accept that this is your life now. It will only get more complex from here. Wait until our children begin to marry and have children of their own. They will have to visit other family members as well as us, mama and em' etc.. Accept where you are so you can plan effectively for where you are headed.


4. Enjoy where you are, wherever you are. I would have possibly ruined Thanksgiving for me, my family and my kids if all I did was worry about if John was coming or if I constantly called him, bugged him, wondering where he was or if they were going to make it. Instead, I put my phone in my purse, ate two plates, made punch, ate dessert with my nephew, played a hilarious charade game with the whole family and let the chips fall where they may. I assume that John and his family had a good time together as well.


5. Protect yourself. If one and/or both of you has crazy or insensitive family members that you don't want to be around (and everybody has them :-), set up a signal or a time limit ahead of time as to how long they can stay or how long you will be there. Also, never ruin or sacrifice your holiday by being someplace more than 30 minutes where you are likely to be dishonored, ignored or inundated with an abundance of memories, paraphenalia or consistant reminders of your spouse's former married life. Unless you have the tenacity of a bull and you know your spouse will protect your heart from people who don't understand or don't know any better, its a set up for heartbreak. Don't do it. Stop by if you must, keep the car running, be polite, wave from the door, send a pie, but don't subject yourself to any foolishness both of you and your family deserve better.


6. Don't give ultimatums. Why not? Because its stupid, as ultimatums usually are. I tried a psuedo ultimatum with John unwittingly once and I lost. I will never, ever do that again. Don't try and force someone else to make a decision. You present the issue and share with them the decision that you have to make that's best for you and drop it. In this case-no demands, you are going to have to spread the love around and share her/him, so suck it up. They had family when you met them and they will have family when you leave. So, instead of being jealous, mean , standoffish or possessive, be grateful that they have family that love them and that they have the heart capacity to love others and still have a special love for you and your kids. Send them on their way and have a great time yourself.


7. Carve out time with just the two of you during the season to reflect on the year and dream for next year. Last year John and I did a breakfast on Christmas Eve at a restuarant and it was great to slow down from the hustle and bustle and enjoy him. Try it...

President-Elect Barack Obama & Family

Like it...Love it or hate it...here in the US we have a new president and First Family. Our family is not necessarily democratic or republican. Actually, I split my ticket all over the place for candidates that I thought displayed godly values, experience, education and good ideas (and yes, I researched almost all of them very extensively). But I wanted the opportunity to share with our blogging audience why we made the choice we did and why we are confident that God is still in control and that His will was done.

Our family (under our roof) supported The President Elect and the democratic ticket for 2 basic reasons although there are many:

He and his wife are all about each other & family-and so are we. Its evident that they love each other and that the well being of their children is vital to them. You have never heard stories or have any reason to believe that there has been any unfaithfulness, which is important to us and speaks way, way, WAY deeper as to the integrity of a man/woman than where they stand 'on stage politically" on a homosexuality marriage issue . The other side had, well let's just say had "struggles" with proving that they really walked in THAT level of personal integrity. The P.Elect values Michelle, her opinions, her ideas. Her comfort above all else matters to him. As he said in the beginning, if she had said no to this campaign, it was no. As busy as they are and although they could hire many others do it for them; they attend parent teacher conference, they pick up and/or drop off at school..they help with homework, they attend recitals. As a man, he is obviously very involved with his daughters and cares about simple things such as talking to them every night. As a couple, they go out on dinner dates. They have activities that they enjoy together and apart, as we know for President Elect it's "basketball". For Michelle its the California Pizza Kitchen with the girls every Saturday. Grandma is involved. Malia & Sasha appear very grounded. They've done a great job with managing their lives and making them a part of this process while still protecting them .

He has a plan. I am a planner and we respect people that think things out enough to map out a road to get there and are able to articulate it. Planning for the unknown takes guts. I personally respect gutsy people. P Elect has been planning long before he announced his candidacy. Not only is that smart, but its a sign of someone who prepares and takes life serious enough to position themselves to achieve, not just think that you can "arrive". We heard alot from the other side about what the democratic ticket wasn't doing. They mentioned what experience they didn't have or who they were associated with years ago. But you didn't hear any consistant plans being discussed about what they would do and how they would get it done. Our thought is, even if your plan doesn't work, at least have the best one you can come up with the information that you have at the time. The bible says to commit YOUR plan to the Lord and He will bring it to pass. Which tells us that a person with a plan and a godly committment can certainly get alot more done.

So basically for us it was rather simple...who are you? and what are you going to do?...we determined which one lined up as giving the more accurate and truthful picture of what they were all about-not perfect by any means but at least transparent so we know to a degree what we're getting. We prayed, trusted God and made a decision. Although we don't have any more decisions to make about this- we still have to pray, even moreso now and trust God. It is God who puts up or brings down. It is God who promotes and moves those He wishes into power. He is God by the way and regardless He is still in control.

Our hope is for those who were really concerned about abortion and homesexuality marriage issue (especially believers) will do something about it instead of just whining about the travesty that it is. Those are basically spiritual issues and our weapons should not just be in the innate carnality of a democratic process. You wanna fight abortion?? Battle in prayer and fasting against the spirit of promiscuity, disregard and low self esteem that is at the root of it. Minister effectively to young women who have this decision to make. Make YOURSELF an option to them. You want to end homosexuality, try fighting the war spiritually against the spirit of perversion that is at the root of it. Live a sexually pure life yourself and set the example. Get with those ladies and gentlemen that struggle in that area and love them with the love of the Lord. I know that requires real work, but if you're serious -you are empowered to make a difference. As has just been proven in this election, Change starts with YOU.

From The Superfamily to the New First Family:

The LORD bless you, and keep you: The LORD make his face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you: The LORD lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.

Like them that dream...

This week is an important, pivotal week for our family. Our church is culminating "dream season" on this Sunday with a special service and offering. The offering will be used to fulfill the necessities of the dreams of the church as a whole. More importantly each family/individual was asked to consider working on their own dreams. What is it that you are dreaming about doing, achieving, completing, starting, changing???

One of the things the Superfamily is "dreaming" about doing, is being the subject of our own reality TV show. So.....Sunday after church we sat at dinner and 'dreamed" aloud what it would be like. It was hilarious!! They were coming up with episodes such as "Tune in next week...Jayna Returns! (She's lives away for college, but was home this weekend for cedar point). They were thinking of the conversations that people who watched the show would have..."Like girl, did you see the Superfamily last night? It was so good, I think the Jerica's are about to snap!" They were imagining their fan clubs, their websites, their new my space pages, who would be the most popular, would they have to act like they were in a disagreement to keep the show interesting. They talked about being followed with cameras to work, to school, to church, to the mall and around the house. They dreamed up tours, interviews, wardrobes, everything you could think of. They laughed, they created, they dreamed.....

While they were talking about it, my husband and I sort of well...watched. Laughed and watched. They were so excited. You almost thought that whatever they said was a possibility. They were so vivid, detailed and complete in thought. They went from one "what if" scenario to another just to be sure all the bases were covered. We didn't walk away from the table new TV stars, but we had a hope that maybe one day, at the right time it could come to pass. Right now, its a dream, but after we talked about it, laughed about it, came up with ideas and angles, for it to become a manifested reality doesn't seem too far off.

I shared that to say that some of us have stopped dreaming. My husband and I didn't even "dream" about the things we wanted to accomplish, we just took pleasure in watching the kids excitement. They had no problem going over and above anything they had ever imagined. But my husband and I, and you too...have something that you have dreamed of doing, dreamed of having, dreamed of accomplishing but are afraid to talk about it or even think about it. The kids had no fear, nothing was too outlandish, far fetched or unbelievable. Learn from them, I know I did. Dream it up...write it out...laugh about it, hope about it, broadcast it, take small steps to see it come to pass. The sky is not the limit, the sky and beyond is the destination!

I have a picture of them from that "dream session"...I'll post it soon.