Keep The Main Thing...the main thing: Lessons in prioritizing

This actually happened a few years back, but in reading it in my book again, I thought to share it again here...

My sister and I were talking and sharing our woes about over committing ourselves and trying to fulfill the expectations of others yet, our to-do list got longer. We shared about how we found ourselves making poor choices so we wouldn’t let down “important” people that counted on us, but noticeably at the expense of the people that truly mattered. 

For example, I had spent a week before an awesome trip to Cancun taking my daughter back and forth to auditions and call-backs for movie. She didn’t land the lead role, but she did get a great supporting role and taping was an all day marathon session scheduled for the day after I returned. I was responsible for her costume, hair, makeup, and transportation. I was so incredibly exhausted on the day of taping, I actually thought of what excuse I could come up with to not take her. I know…BAD MOMMY! I agree it was horrible, after the fact I couldn’t believe that I even thought it. 

Why? Because I know that if other issues came up that may have had nothing to do with family, for example if it were for the church, or my job, I would have dragged my tired self wherever it needed to be to help with the crisis for people who actually may not have noticed, appreciated or cared about the sacrifice. I made the right choice. I put the time into my daughter and I am so glad I didn't miss the opportunity to see her shine. I was utterly wiped out, but her energy and appreciation rejuvenated me and yet made me ashamed.


Since when has the smile of a child taken a back seat to the half-hearted kudos of a boss? When did it become ok to spend all afternoon in church, because it’s “church”, even though your wife really needs you at home. Why does the phone call of a manager or leader evoke an immediate response when your spouses’s call rings at an annoyance to you? Where is the same diligence that you spend grandstanding and campaigning for the dreams of other people when it comes time to move forward in what you should be doing for yourself and your family? 

In the last quarter of this year... RE PRIORITIZE..Its time to make the main thing...the main thing.

Flying a little lower

Our SuperCape is ripped. We have been together almost three years now. We had some bumps and bruises when we first started but mostly they were from people outside of our home and we eventually sailed through it. But in just the 1st 6 months of this year the flaws, cracks and crevices have begun to come out of hiding and if you aren’t careful, when this happens (and it happens to almost EVERY stepfamily from what I studied) you can easily be overwhelmed.

We’ve got school issues, suspensions, bad grades and the like. We’ve got promiscuity issues and as a result new babies came, are here and are coming. We’ve got self esteem issues and we see desperation for attention in extremely unfruitful ways. There are diligence problems and anger issues and truth is you name it…we have dealt with it…are dealing it…or perhaps will deal it.

Mind you…that’s just the kids stuff..I haven’t shared with you my own struggles and things that John may be facing or working through. This blog entry would be too long.

Now it hasn’t all been rain..we have had some sunshine this year as well. We have had a college graduation and the announcement of two weddings. We got some awesome new furniture after three years of looking . We were proud parents/stepparent of two national band competition winners. One has managed a successful run in a student play. We have had two kids with major repair surgeries and both came out ok, with no alarm or issues.

Somehow, through it all we do not feel beleaguered or under siege. We just recognize that our Superfamily cape has rips and rips are ok...KEEP FLYING..just fly a little lower until you get the pieces back together.. We strongly believe that what we are facing is not just for us, but for other families who may be ashamed to admit to problems that they are facing and not know what to do. There has to be someone who has ridden a storm in order for others to see them and have hope. Willing or not, God chose us to ride ahead of others that are coming and stand on the rock like a lighthouse so others know that they can make it to the other side. A picture of a lighthouse is on our family mission statement and now more than ever God is calling us to be true to what we confessed our purpose to be!

Juggling

I am always working on 3-4 things at a time. For example, I am reading two books, writing 3 books, publishing our family newsletter and working on material for this blog. I think that I have a new superfamily post ready, but in the meantime I would love for you to read an excerpt of a book that I am fiddlin' with. It is a life management type book and it covers prioritizing, refocusing and cutting off dependence and loyalty to things and people not crucial to your destiny. Let me know what you think. Be kind :-), its a rough draft........

“I am campaigning for myself for awhile…” This statement captured my attention and diverted my thought process for the days and weeks that followed.

It had begun as typical office fodder and spirited discussions among co-workers on our economy, the mortgage crises, gas prices and finally politics. It was not uncommon for one, if not all of us to be a part of the political process in some form or fashion. It could be petitions, attending meetings, researching candidates, reviewing news reports, or sending donations. All of us were advocates of not allowing things to just happen. We believed in being a part of the process to help bring about the outcome you desire. So, when Ilinda said that she “wasn’t really going to be involved in the presidential election”. The nature of this group wasn’t to just say “oh, ok". We prodded; we probed and questioned ourselves into an impromptu lecture on the importance of involvement and having your voice heard in the political process.

After we climbed off of our “social responsibility” soap box’, Ilinda softly explained that there were things she needed to do to work on her career that needed her attention. She reminded us that she has two young boys and a husband that needed her time. She stated that she was working on “her” life strategy now, not just helping to fulfill somebody else’s. She was not being selfish or standoffish. She even mentioned sending a donation to the candidate of her choice thus letting her money work as a voice for her. But her more valuable resources, her time, her energy, her thoughts and her presence had to be focused differently. She was her own campaign manager, strategist and PR consistently operating in the position of CEO of Ilinda, Inc”.

My sister and I were talking and sharing our woes about over committing ourselves and trying to fulfill the expectations of others while our to-do list got longer. We shared about how we found ourselves making poor choices so we wouldn’t let down “important” people that counted on us, but noticeably at the expense of the people that truly mattered. For example, I had spent a week before a trip to Cancun taking my daughter back and forth to auditions and call-backs for movie. She didn’t land the lead role, but she did get a great supporting role and taping was an all day marathon session scheduled for the day after I returned. I was responsible for her costume, hair, makeup, and transportation. I was so incredibly exhausted on the day of taping, I actually thought of what excuse I could come up with to not take her. I know…BAD MOMMY! I agree it was horrible, after the fact I couldn’t believe that I even thought it. Why? Because I know that if other issues came up that may have had nothing to do with family, for example my church, or my job, I would have dragged my tired self wherever it needed to be to help with the crisis for people who actually may not have noticed, appreciated or cared about the sacrifice. I made the right choice. I put the time into my daughter and I am so glad I didn’t miss the opportunity to see her shine. I was utterly wiped out, but her energy and appreciation rejuvenated me and yet made me ashamed.

Since when has the smile of a child taken a back seat to the half hearted kudos of a boss? When did it become ok to spend all afternoon in church, because it’s “church”, even though your wife needs you at home. Why does the phone call of a manager or leader evoke an immediate response when your husband’s call rings at an annoyance to you? Why do you know your company’s missions statement or your church’s vision, or your neighborhood block club goals and yet you have no idea what the mission, vision or goals are for your own life? Where is the same diligence that you spend grandstanding and campaigning for the dreams of other people when it comes time to move forward in what you should be doing for yourself and your family? Let’s face it, for some of us if our lives were a business we would be bankrupt. Or even a more chilling thought, if you were running for the office of “You”, you would lose.