Who asks questions like THAT??

Almost six years ago in Dunkin Donuts parking lot with a beautiful Princess Cut Diamond and White Gold Ring, His Highness asked me a hard question….”Will you Marry Me”…??  It’s obvious I said yes, and after knowing him almost 10 years..this week marks our 5^th Anniversary.  Hard and or sensitive questions are status quo for us now.  It’s a part of who we are as a couple, why?  Because we care enough to cause a little hurt in feelings, for a greater healing in spirit.

So this year’s hard question from me to him was…..

“What about this marriage so far has disappointed you?”

Who asks questions like that?  ME that’s who.  Why?  Because more than I want to have the silly immature illusion that I am a perfect, seamless, wonderful, amazing, faultless, virtuous wife…I want to always operate in truth, even if the truth sucks. 

The bible says that houses and wealth you get from your folks…but a prudent wife is from the Lord.

I love the very first part of the definition of prudent…“having good sense”.  A wife with good sense can asks the hard questions knowing that an atmosphere of phoniness is the breeding ground for failure. I know it’s hard to believe people…but “everything ain’t been wonderful”.  You have to know and operate in truth so that you can do what is necessary in your character to build an environment in your marriage conducive for your spouse to grow and be nurtured in.  

Its sad to see marriages that look “wonderful” on the outside, but when you peel back some layers..wives are afraid of damaging their spouses esteem so they won’t tell him that their temperament, ego or pride is causing a great divide in the house.  Husbands won’t tell their wives, afraid of offending them, that it embarrasses him when she isn’t dressed appropriately or acts loud and brash in public. It isn’t easy, but I will always ask the hard questions and make sure that I keep my ego and pride in check so when my husband has to ask me a hard question, there is grace available to think, not be offended or worry to cause offense and to answer in truth.

Marriages and families (blended or otherwise) cannot grow effectively without having these crucial conversations. If you haven’t had a conversation like this and you have been married over a year..you have some catching up to do.  Don’t let your marriage go on for 7, 10, 20 years without knowing what the little foxes are that have the potential to spoil your vine. Care enough…love enough.. to ask the hard questions.

Put your big girl panties on and make grown folks decisions

During a conversation with a former co-worker of mine “Simone”, she said something that stuck with me all that week.  She said, Camille…I’m 40 something years old.. it was time to make some “grown-up” decisions.  She was sharing some of the things she was facing and how everyone was looking out for themselves and trying to diminish her voice in the process.  Eventually, when the rubber met the road Simone had to plant her feet, be confident in her value and do what was best for her regardless of what everyone else wanted.  Her grown up decision ended up paying in spades.  She got a new position, title change, wage increase, no additional stressors, doing exactly what she was already doing, without having to move out of her office and without settling for an escape to another position that would have been like going from the frying pan into the fryer. PRICELESS.

Flash forward to a conversation with my sister in law, Crystal.  She was telling me how she encouraged a young lady who had to deal with a death of a loved one.  The young lady “Leanne” had never really faced anything like this without having someone with her to lean on and being in her mid 20’s, hadn’t had too many instances where she had life altering moments.  Crys told her flatly…This right here is what women are made of…dealing with stuff like this is what separates the girls from the women…time to put your big girl panties on and deal with it.  Leanne did well…texting Crystal through the process telling her that her big girl panties were on and she was doing ok.  There was a point however that a message from her said that the “panties were out the window” and she had no idea where they were.  But in the end…Leanne made it through her life lesson and her capacity for dealing with “hard things” grew exponentially that day.

Being in a blended family or in life period, you can get so lost in the shuffle of making everyone happy that you make decisions that are for the good of everyone but YOU. Or you can find yourself faced with something hard and you want to ignore it, fall apart, whine or divvy the issue to someone else to deal with…I used to do that too and then I turned 11 and thought it was time to change. (Ok, more like 31…but eventually it happened)

The bible records Paul saying..When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things (NLT).  Some of us have decisions in our lives that need to be made-YESTERDAY. There are people that are sucking life from you that you need to cut off.  There are things happening in your home that you need to regulate and call to order. You have career decisions that need to be made and changes that need to occur.  There may be development in your character that needs to be addressed. You may be in a season of slothfulness…lazy and undisciplined.  Its time…past time to confront some things head on. Everyone can’t wear big girl panties…you have to be ready for the responsibility that comes with it.  There may be days like Leanne that you throw them out the window.  Have your private tantrum if you must, but eventually, slip the panties back on and continue to make daily decisions that move you toward the grown up you are called to be.