I CAN handle the truth, keep your pom-poms

My boys used to play football and I am not one of those parents that coddled them after games and kissed their scrapes. I always probed them to see what they learned by their action whether good or bad. Once my son and I discussed a game that they lost and he told me that the coach yelled at them for over an hour.  I know some parents would have called that coach and read him the riot act. Thankfully, I know THAT is a big mistake….so I thought about it and then asked him…well what do you think about that? He shocked me…he said…Ma, Coach was right. He said some of us were so busy chanting with the cheerleaders and pumping up the crowd that we didn’t listen to him and were confused on plays. Then he took a piece of paper and began drawing plays and showing me what they should have done versus what they did. I had no clue what he was talking about at this point but he was so excited to know WHAT to do and what didn’t work.  At 13 years old, he knew how to take, process and understand criticism without OFFENSE. That lesson was priceless.

I told my son that cheerleaders are not there for YOU.  They are there for the crowd….God love em, I was one- but they are NOT in the game. Their job is to stand on the sidelines and keep other people on the sidelines engaged in your game. Coaches may not be as pretty and they have no pon poms, nor will they tell you how cute you are after the game, but they are the ones with the wisdom.  While everyone is cheering, and yelling and chanting…coaches are watching, writing, instructing, developing, noticing and sometimes praying that you do what he knows you can do. That’s why after a winning game or season..no matter what players thank COACHES (after their mama, that is:) not cheerleaders. It’s the coaches that are truly in the trenches designing victory.

I learned a valuable lesson yesterday..well actually it just confirmed something I already knew.  There is a MAJOR difference between cheerleaders and coaches. I spoke with someone yesterday about some angst I was experiencing and some career moves that I was looking to take within my current position. Thankfully she didn’t coddle my wounds or tell me how awesome I was…she came at me with both barrels. I loved it! 1.  She was right  2. I trusted her opinion  3.  She trusted me enough to know that I was mature enough to handle it without offense and 4.  She didn’t use any cutesy techniques to tell me.  She just laid it out.  All the way home I turned over what she said and got myself together, I prayed and now I know WHAT to do.  Had she wasted my time with compliments, I might feel mushy and loved…but I wouldn’t be challenged or helped. I’ll take the latter. I want to grow. Don’t sandwich truth between two pon poms and a cartwheel. Also, get you some people in your circle that can get in your business and coach you to the next level. If you need cheerleaders, encourage yourself. But to raise a stepfamily or run a multimillion dollar corporation…you are going to need people with a clipboard, a whistle and megaphone. 

A clipboard, a whistle and megaphone??  We will talk about that in our next post…

Perfected Phoniess

Your smile is plastered, but your heart is breaking. All you need to do is talk about it, or at least hear that somebody else has gone through it and made it. All you need is to not feel isolated and alone. You just hate feeling like you are the only one that has ever had a baby out of wedlock, had a sexually transmitted disease or been cheated on by a no good knucklehead. But where can you find someone that has “gone through”? Everyone around you looks so perfect. Everyone appears like all is well. Everyone is jumping, shouting, running, and dancing all over the sanctuary.

People at work seem to be oblivious to anything other than their own ambitions. Your spouse is one way at home, another way at church and still a different way when you are alone.

The masks we wear hide our grief, our shame, and our “realness”. We cover up using humor, material things, performances, or by becoming mean, tactless and standoffish. In other words, we become phony. We play the role…the starring role actually, in our own lives. People clap after each performance, but when the curtain goes down and the lights are out, the mask is removed. We look at the stranger in the mirror, wipe the tears, apply more makeup and get ready for Act II. Our routine becomes flawless. Our phoniness becomes perfected.

How do you end the performance and get on with reality? It is only in reality that destiny can be achieved. God can only bless and prosper who we really are…not who we pretend to be. Therefore, it is imperative that we re-learn how to be authentic. How do you begin.. by striving to speak the truth in love, even its it the truth about ourselves.
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An excerpt from an upcoming Book by CDJamerson

The UN-you

When you see this error message pop up in either e-mail correspondence or when trying to log onto a system...it usually means something you did prior to this step causes the computer to question whether you are a "real person" or not. The system will then require you to put in a code or password to prove that you are not a machine...or spam.

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Everyone once in awhile you need to do a inner system check to see if you are a "real person" or not. Seriously. When people see you...what do they see...the nice you, the polite you, the ameniable you...? Have you been playing the role of "you" for so long that the mask is glued to your face and you don't know the real "you" anymore. You have forgotten what you like, what you dreamed, what you have been designed to do, what you dislike, what you really feel... Its been a whirlwind...years.. months...days.. that you have spent faking a smile, faking a acquaintence, faking a lifestyle, faking a level of committment. You are so used to lying you know longer notice that you eat pickles, just because "the cool" kids did and you wanted to look cool. You pay no attention to the fact that when you get dressed 50 people run through you mind that you want to impress with your new suit or handbag. You only go to that church because your greatgrandad help build the cornerstone. You go along to get along..Fake.

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You have become a shell of who you are supposed to be and if you don't delve deep soon, understand the code and authenticate yourself...you wont be able to go any further. What does this have to do with blended families and 2nd marriages...TONS! With all the sticky and intricate dynamics of a stepfamily you walk on eggshells and tow fine lines hourly. You are constantly being careful not offend or cross sacred lines, sensitivities or boundaries. So you adjust, you change, you flip, you flop, you hold this back...you become the Un-you. Fake.

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You don't want to be compared or viewed anything like the ex-her or the ex-him-nothing wrong with that, uh NOBODY does or should....But the other extreme is that you will go out of your way to be nothing like anyone else your spouse has ever been with. That too is fake.

Enough to drive a person crazy! What's the remedy?

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Cling to your faith in Chirst and keep your conscience clear, for some people have deliberately violated their conscience and as a result their faith has been shipwrecked 1st Timothy 1:19. NLT

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KEEPING YOUR CONSCIENCE CLEAR has a direct effect of your faith. Daily...hourly if you have to...ask yourself one of the deepest questions in the world...WHY? Why am I doing this, why am I saying this, why am I going here, why am I speaking to her, why am I ignoring them, why dont I feel comfortable... You may lie to others, but tell yourself the truth. Relearn you and become genuine, authentic...real. Its time to un-do the un-you.