Showing posts with label stepmom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stepmom. Show all posts

Monday, February 13, 2012

Left my beer by the side of the road...


I worked in the audio/video department in my church and this particular Sunday I was responsible for putting the lyrics of the worship songs on the big screen.  While listening to the music of the next song to be sung…I thought I recognized it.  But the worship leader sung something that sounded like….Left my BEER by the side of the road… WHAT???  Although, I guess it would be an ok thing to do-leaving beer that is…just didn’t sound like it was shaping up to the kind of song that we would normally sing in church.  I brought up another screen and begin searching on the internet for a song with those lyrics so if I could type them in as we went.  Nothing came up…not even close.  As the leader kept singing…the screen stayed blank…I had no idea where he was going…and then he got to the chorus of the song….”All I need is you…All I need is you Lord..”

Now this part I knew…but I had no idea that there was more to this song than the chorus which was all that we used to sing.  Secondly, I still couldn’t figure out how “beer” fit into the whole scheme of things.  Later I learned that the verse starts…”left my FEAR by the side of the road…”  OOOkay…making sense now.  Scary for me…not having the lyrics up and thinking our worship leader had lost his mind…BUT it was two GREAT lessons in listening.

  1. I MISHEARD what was said.  I know what it sounded like…but that was not what he said.  How many times has our spouse, our kids, our siblings, our parents, our boss said something that WE misinterpreted?  Especially with modern technology…an email or text can be taken all out of context if someone leaves their caps lock on by mistake. By now you should know the rule…REPEAT what you thought you heard and get clarity.  If I had just asked the question..more than likely somebody in the studio had heard the song before and could have told me what it was.  In a conversation, what you may have thought was offensive, may just be frustration that has nothing to do with you.  ASK and REPEAT.

  1. I didn’t know that there was MORE to the song than what I had previously heard before.  Anytime you are in a conversation…know that 8 times out of 10 there is more to it than what you are hearing.  Search for the root, dig for motive, keep asking why in new and creative ways. I didn’t know that the chorus had a verse that connected it. Don’t think that a bad day at work for your spouse isn’t connected to his response to you. Don’t view your kids moping as just them being moody…connect the dots.

So the next time you hear about beer on the side of the road…don’t panic….it’s probably just the verse to a chorus that ends up turning out ok.



Monday, January 30, 2012

Once Upon a Time...that face...that feeling..


The King and His Daughter Snow...
Last night I watched a show called Once Upon a Time and as the title indicates…it’s about fairytales..sort of.  Yesterday’s episode showed a scene that looked painfully familiar.  As I watched it unfold, that icky feeling you get in the pit of your stomach where you see a train getting ready to hit the brick wall, and you know you’re gonna get hit with the residue, but you stand there and watch anyway….and then you bleed and vomit…yeah it was THAT feeling.

 Scene: In a flash back.. a King in a formal setting at the palace..big dinner event, all of the people in the land are there.  He has remarried Queen Regina (who is now known as the villain of the show) and yet Regina sits alone at a table in the background. Snow White takes centered stage in the throne area with her father, the King as he gushes over her and tells her and everyone present how wonderful she is and how beautiful she is and how much she reminds her of her mother as she was the fairest in all the land…the camera pans to his new wife Regina, sitting out of the scene... and in that one quick moment when I saw her face, I knew that that actress deserved an Oscar.WHY??  I KNOW that face. I’ve made that face. I know "that" feeling.

Queen Regina
 Contrary to popular belief or misconception, it’s not the feeling of jealousy....look at it...its heartbreak...its a yearning for more.  The stepmother (as the Evil Queen evolves to be) is not “wicked” in this scene as she is labeled later.  This feeling is that daunting consistent realization that he may have married you…but you are not “her” and no matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how many hoops you jump through, no matter how awesome you really truly are..you will probably never hear your husband say that you are “indeed the greatest thing that has ever happened to me…the fairest in all the land..” if you will.  If he does, it will be in a private moment, with no one around, or with a disclaimer, or with him constantly looking over his shoulder to make sure that no one heard him, or without some “explaining” to do later…neither of which compare with an abandoned declaration, security and assurance that every wife wants settled in her heart. If a wife tells you differently, she's probably lying.  The Bible says that our desire is to our husbands, that's in biblical order to crave that. To not have that in totality and not become bitter, vindictive or cold and STILL trust God in your marriage takes an overwhelming amount of grace. 

Needless to say that the character.. "Regina" is a tad short on grace and ends up in all kind of foolishness all because she did not know what to do and had noone to turn to when her husband screwed up his priorities, disregarded her and her needs. The King is caught between a rock and a hard place, with a deceased wife he wants to always honor and the child he had with her...but its at the expense of the new wife he claims he loves…what would YOU do? There are no two "best". One is and one isn't, it requires a choice.

 Second wives, especially those married to a former widower NEED grace.  There are some things that you are going to have to settle in your heart for yourself and be ok with. Don't fall into the trap of bitterness.  God will and can fill in the blanks, I guarantee it! It is NOT easy; I don’t think it would have been given to me if it were easy. God entrusts me with the hard stuff. Some days are harder than others and sometimes you want to cry and retreat, find another way to be happy rather than explain yourself, once again.  But I know a God who is available to us.  He is a GREAT companion.  He is a very present help in the time of trouble.  Call him, he has NO problem declaring his love for you and shouting out to the world through his blessings…that, that one is MINE…I love her completely, there is no one like her and no one can take ever take her place, her design is unique and she is the best to do what Ihave called her to do….She is fearfully and wonderfully made…she is and will always be my number 1.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Tribulation worketh patience…and both are annoying

The Superfamily is finally back into our house, but it’s still far from being our home. We still have boxes everywhere! We are going through the process of going through each box to determine what goes and what stays. I view this as a fresh start, a new beginning…a chance to rid ourselves of the old and look forward to the new. Ideally, this would be a good exceptthe process is painstaking. If this was just my home, over 80% of these boxes would not have made it back in the door from the restoration people. Why? If you haven’t seen it, worn it or use it in 2 years you don’t need it, chances are you are merely accumulating it with the fear that no more is coming. Fear is a horrible, inconsistent motivator. I've seen for years what the poverty mentality does to people and it’s sad. Remember, It doesn’t matter whether you have “money” or not, the mentality of being poor is worse than actually being poor. Message to others:  Learn to let things...GO.


That’s a difficult principle to teach especially in a blended family. Every piece of paper, all 4,954 photos, every other stitch of clothing reminds someone on one side or the other of what their life USED to be. In order for us to get to where I believe God is calling us, that can no longer be the focus or driving force behind every decision. A memory maybe…the focus…no. Whereas I have worked hard over the years to get to the place that the most important memories I have aren’t captured in a book or something material…they are captured in my heart and in my spirit…I learn daily that everyone hasn’t gotten there yet nor do they view it at the same level of importance.

So in the interim, I live in clutter and there MUST be extra grace being applied from God for me to deal with it, because people that know me “for real for real” know that this stuff (mine, his, hers, there's EVERYBODY's) would have been on the curb weeks ago and my house would have been cleaned, organized and decorated for Thanksgiving. What is this teaching me…patience? Well, Tribulation worketh patience…and BOTH are annoying. But I will need patience to become the multipreneur that I am working to be. I will need patience to edit my 2nd and 3rd book simultaneously. I will need patience to work on this TV pilot project. I will need patience to continue to go to work everyday and seek out new and  different things to learn. I will need patience to sow wisdom into my lil’ heirs. I will need patience with myself to forgive me when I screw up and when I don’t have enough patience with others. There is hope...in the very next verse that I reference above..patience brings experience (or character) and experience reaps hope! Character and hope are excellent fruit of learning how to wait...so I believe I'll just teach by example, sit still and wait right here....bouncing my leg up & down and tapping my fingers feverishly :).

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Why am I given so much to do!!

About a week ago I had lunch with an acquaintance of mine..for no other reason but to get re-acquainted. There was no pretense or agenda…just two women getting together at Meriweather’s (A GREAT place to eat by the way) to eat, laugh, talk and eat some more. For that reason, expectations were low. I didn’t expect to come away with any thought provoking revelations..just eat & have a good time with her. However, revelatory knowledge is available everywhere if you look for it.


Not even sure how we got on the subject, but we begin talking about the parable of the talents from the account in bible & my lunch guest brought out something I knew…but needed to be reminded of. In the parable the master gave three servants “talents”. The 1st got 5, the 2nd received 2 and the 3rd got 1. When the master returned to see how the servants had fared with the talents the first two both doubled their talents so the 1st had 10 and the 2nd now had 4. The 3rd servant was afraid to do anything or try anything daring or new and he decided to bury his talent and presented the master with the 1 talent that he initially gave him. Now I know this story. I have heard it since I was a little girl but it was the next part that I had always overlooked. The master then dogged out the servant with the one and gave it to the servant who had doubled 5 into 10. Why is that interesting?? Well, why didn’t he give it to the one who had doubled 2 into four since he had less than the 1st servant? Why didn’t he give the servant another chance? Then my guest said something that opened my eyes to why I have the schedule, giftings, talents, abilities, dreams, desires, assignments, tasks and jobs that I have.
God has entrusted me with more, because I have handled more and doubled it. I am not afraid to try something new or do something different than anyone else. Even with the responsibilities I already have, I am always seeking how to maximize moments and take things to the next level. So writing a book, winning a beauty pageant, raising five children, working full time, remarrying and now managing a superfamily is good, actually it’s darn good. But now God has seen the fruit of those areas and now there is more to do. So add writing more books and creating conferences and workshops, developing a business, volunteering at the Junior League, stepping up responsibilities at work, traveling, exposing my children to more, different & better, planning weddings and events, developing legacy opportunities for my grandchildren and acting in Community Theater are the next layer. So the next time I ask …Lord why me? I will check myself HARD. I have it to do, because I have been faithful over a few things (not always….but eventually). I have it to do because I can handle it (even through frustration, I get it done). I have it to do because I am not afraid and Lord instead of always asking YOU for double….my goal is to bring YOU back double.

Monday, March 14, 2011

What are you putting into your child's MEGAMIND...



What instructions are you giving to your children? Who are you telling them that they are or can become? You may not think your input is important, but it is. The recent family hit movie “MegaMind” does a great job of displaying this theory. In the very beginning the Main character “MegaMind” is being sent by his parents to earth to save him from his exploding planet. When his parents place him in his space tube, they begin to tell him his awesome destiny when the hatch closes prematurely and MegaMind doesn’t hear the whole thing. Fast Forward, he ends up being raised by prisoners, shunned by school mates and determines within himself that he is supposed to be a super villain.

Eventually he learns that he doesn’t “have” to be evil. He learned that he can make different choices. But not before demolishing most of the city, taking over city hall and destroying the citizens way of life.

How many paths of destruction will your child have to stumble down…and how many messes will he or she make before you tell them and convince them of who they are and what they can do? Don’t let the "hatch" close (lines of communication) without letting them know what they are wired to do. This means you have to know your child. You need to know their strengths, their weaknesses and the way that they learn and respond.

In stepfamilies, this is extremely important because in most cases you have at least two parents that are missing from the everyday lives of any children involved that were brought into the marriage. Your job as their parent is to make sure that you don’t abandon this dynamic of your role in your child’s life. You cannot focus so much on blending everything together that you disregard the unique gifts of your children that God charged you with explicitly to nurture and cultivate. You are equipped with a unique perspicacity for your child….regardless of how old they are. Use your gift and sow words of wisdom, power and direction into them as often as you can. Tell them the have the Mind of Christ...which is a MEGAmind indeed!

Monday, February 28, 2011

"YOU Again"


While enjoying a nice afternoon in the nail salon, my daughter and I watched a movie called You Again. It starred Sigourney Weaver, Jamie Lee Curtis as two former high school rivals who daughters also became high school rivals. They meet back up when Jamie Lee Curtis’ son decides to marry Sigourney’s daughter, who again is the rival of his sister.

Wild antics occur when past feelings, hurts, fights and emotions seep to the surface between all four of the old rivals. So much so, that the wedding rehearsal is destroyed and the wedding is called off. Although not quite as planned, cooler heads prevail and *spoiler alert* the wedding goes on. It was near the end of the movie that caught my attention. At the very end..one of the grandmothers, played by Betty White runs into another older woman at the reception and they look at each other with disdain and shout “You Again”. In an “a-ha flashback moment” It is insinuated that this feud started long before the daughters and mothers. It started with the grandmothers and the cycle has been revisited in every generation since.

The movie just served as a reminder to me that negative cycles will reappear in your relationships, your children and their relationships, your job etc.. if you don’t change and modify behavior toward the positive. It is on my worklist to never have face another negative cycle and mumble in submission ugh.. not “You Again”. It is imperative that stupidity I dealt with, faced and fell under...ends with me.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Reposition Yourself...



The GPS on my phone is pretty helpful. You know the drill, you punch in where you want to go, and the smooth voice tells you which way to get there. They tell you every turn, calculate traffic, distance, barriers and upcoming freeways. All goes well until you do something that the “voice’ did not tell you to do.

You know how it is…we see a familiar street and say…Oh, I can go this way…or traffic looks heavy and you decide to turn off on an exit instead of being patient and waiting. Then the GPS goes into overdrive..it begins to yell at you “You are off course”, Incorrect turn, Incorrect turn. At first it tries to tell you to make a few turns to get you back on the road you were on. However, after you get so far out, you will hear nothing while it “thinks” of what to do with you next. Then after it loads back up you hear recalculating route…meaning the GPS sees that you are WAY off track and is now trying to find the best route based on where you are and where you still say you are going.

Usually that route is longer and more complex than if you had stayed on the initial path to begin with. You will still get where you are going but it will take longer and probably be a little more frustrating than if you had just stayed on the path.
I have spent the end of last year and the beginning of 2011 getting back on the right route. Sometimes you can get so caught up with the projects, dreams, responsibilities and visions of other people that all of a sudden you look up and everything you are supposed to be doing is taking a back seat, Not gonna work.
In a family our size its easy to get lost in my husband's projects, fitness, rehearsal schedules, responsibilities or my daughters camp activties, school/homework, hanging with the Grandkids, housework, work and projects for my employer, and Junior League & Church is another life of its own. But in the hustle and bustle of all of that am I excused from what I am supposed to be doing? Nope. God fully expects me to use what I have to get it done. I am equipped with what I need to do it..and if I choose to do 50 million other things too...thats on me, but I still have a responsibility to my assignment.
So my GPS was off a little...but I'm back on track.. my husband, the Superfamily and the assignments that I have been given from God are my priority. Everything else is secondary and hopefully I will make fewer "incorrect turns" in 2011.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Why so downcast Camille?


To those of you that follow me on Twitter ( @ Queencdj) you know I “hit a bump” right at the beginning of the New Year. In just a two minute conversation with one of my kids, the enemy tried to get me off kilter right off the bat. Disappointment, discouragement, anger, hurt, fear, regret in myself and others streamed in and out of my head like a rushing river. I prayed about it. I went to church and tried to stay focused while going through the motions. But off and on all day, all evening my thoughts and fear betrayed me. I was afraid for some reason that God was going to leave me to face this alone. As if he was sitting on his throne saying “just deal with it, chick” Stupid I know, but that’s what I felt.

Then something interesting happened. I sat in my car before coming into work today and prayed for my job, my boss, the president of the company, my co-workers and staff members. Without thinking about it, I was suddenly not thinking about me anymore and prayed about our year at the office and thanked God for last year. I prayed for wisdom, creativity and favor for our CEO and those that worked with him.

After that, I went on into the office as I normally would battling back and forth in my mind as to what needed to be done and being resolute that I would not let my mind dwell too long on the negative things that are going on. Still felt a little down though, I was disheartened that a year starting with so much promise seemed to be getting off to a rocky start. I checked my email and there was...

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.” Psalm 43:5


That scripture was placed there by God ahead of time to be there to minister to me when I needed it. He hasn’t left me or forsaken me. The issues are still there, the problem is still looming, but GOD is there too. So for my first official blog of 2010 I proclaim that I can do ALL things though Christ which strengthens me. I can't say I feel like jumping up and down like the woman in this picture. But I am putting it there anyway as a reminder that one day my joy will be restored and I will smile again real soon.

I believe that by praying for others and taking the focus off of "me me me" for just those few minutes allowed my heart to soften enough to feel the presence of God in the midst of my issues. I thank him for giving me the mind to pray about others and the Word he sent to remind me that “this too shall pass…”

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Don't call Sprint to fix your water heater!

Yesterday, I had the honor to serve (and, yes it was an honor) sexually/physically abused and neglected children and their familes at a Christmas festival through the Junior League. It was so humbling to hear some of the stories of the children and to discover some of the tragedy that they have encountered already at their young age. You watched them playing the carnival games and eating pizza and opening gifts and you wonder who in the world could have beat a defenseless child senseless? It was enough to bring tears to your eyes and gratefulness in your heart for what you have may been spared.

A few years back I studied "abuse' in a different sense. Anything you misuse or use against or contrary to its purpose is considered abuse. Dr. Myles Munroe who is a Phd is in Religious studies I believe, defines abuse by disconnecting the words to reveal the root "AB"normal "USE". Most abuse occurs when you are ignorant of or ignoring the purpose for which something was created. If you don't know what a child is for...you will abuse him/her, if you don't know the reason your spouse is in your life, you will abuse him/her. If you are ignorant as to why your family was created, blended or otherwise thrown together ...not knowing its purpose will cause misuse and soon abuse.


You will abnormally use your family to give your life the semblance of normalcy. You will abnormally use your family to strike business deals or get favor. You will abnormally use your family as an excuse not to do something you are otherwise obligated to do. You will abnormally use your family as a battleground for your shortcomings and a punching bag due to your failings. That is not its purpose. I tell my girls in seminars and sessions and even in my book, one of Dr. Monroe's most meaningful quotes. "If you want to know the purpose of a thing, you must ask the person who created it". Only they have the authority to determine why it was made and what it should be used for.

You wouldn't call Sprint to ask them to fix your water heater. Sprint did not create the item with the issue. They aren't responsible for what happens to to your heater. They did not put together the service plan or give you instructions for a water heater. You need to get in touch with the water heater manufactuer in order to figure out what to do with the broken pipes. Sound silly and simplistic when we are talking about water heaters and cell phone companies. But it seems to get complex when we start talking about our lives or the lives of our spouse, children, stepfamilies. Its no different. Thankfully, a cell phone company didn't put our marriage toegther, or our family together. We got a "God said" from the beginning-If we hadn't we'd be in REAL trouble now. We kept God involved in EVERY decision regarding this marriage and covenanted before Him in His sanctuary before His man of God our vows to one another.


So, now that it looks "stank" in some areas...I don't bend off of that premise. God created this. If your family is suffering abuse..."abnormal use" in ANY area...go back to the one that put that family together-prayerfully it was GOD. If you did it, through manipulation, deceit, sin, error, inpatience or stupidity, repent, ask for forgiveness and then ask for direction. Get a clear direction as to its purpose and its vision. What should your family be doing or not doing? Where should your family be going or not going? Are you away from home too much? Are you home too much and not doing anything of substance with your free time? Is there balance, clear direction...purpose?

 
Again, remember if you don't know the purpose of a thing...just like the battered children at the festival..you will abuse it and the scars will last a lifetime. Don't call Sprint (or anything or anybody else), FIRST ask God for wisdom...he gives it freely and prepare to start your new year with a clearer path for your life than ever before.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Wicked Witch of the West


My Husband and I are going to see the musical "Wicked" . First of all, I LOVE musicals and I always like to know the story before the performance so I can follow along better. I do the same with ballets and operas. Besides its involvement of witchcraft, The Wizard of OZ is one of the most profound fairytales of all times. The lessons learned in each layer of the storyline is enough to digest for years. Everytime I watch it, there is a new lesson to be learned. No man could have planned that. Kingdom messages can be learned almost ANYWHERE. So, anyway in my research of the story "Wicked" which is a "prequel" to the Frank Baum story, I was astonished to note the change in my deameanor toward the original characters once I understood their motives. (There is a point to this just bear with me)...


For example; The infamous "ruby red slippers" were given to Dorothy by Glinda in the Wizard of Oz..but what you find in the "pre" story is that they weren't even hers to give. They belonged to Elphaba (the wicked witch of the west). She created those slippers for her wheelchair bound, paralyzed sister, Nessa (the one who ended up dead-under the house), so she could walk. Glinda was sorta behind the cyclone and giving them to Dorothy was really just to keep Elphaba distracted and chasing after Dorothy for the shoes (the last memento of her sister), when it was really Glinda that was responsible for her sister's death. Whew....so after figuring that out and reading a ton of other things...you find that those people perceived to be mean weren't really..they were responding out of hurt to a misjustice and were actually "right' and those who appear to be just or 'right" may not have necessarily been.


So lesson learned: Don't judge based on what you see on the surface. Someone may appear to have it all together. They may seem as if all their ducks are in a row and everything that comes out of their mouth is truth. Ummmmm not necessarily so...the ruby slippers they are trying to pawn off on you may not even be theirs to give. The reverse is also true. Just because someone comes off as mean, defensive or arbitrary does not mean that they are hopelessly bitter. If you dig deeper into their story you will find that they got dealt a bad hand and may not know how to overcome it.


Sidebar: I know if I was stuck with green skin and somebody stole my man and my sister's million dollar ruby encrusted shoes it would be on and poppin'!! Earrings off and vaseline out...and you would too...admit it.


You will handle people differently, if you care enough to dig a little deeper. You may also find that people you may have looked up to have some severe issues too and could have left a long line of hurt people behind them. Every "Glinda" with a white dress, a smile and a seemingly magic wand to make all your dreams come true is not necessarily good. And every green witch on a broom ain't all bad...give her back her shoes (or whatever is missing in their life, usually its Jesus in some form) and you may find yourself a new friend with wayyyyyyyyyyy more power, confidence and character than the undercover fake good person could have ever conjured up.
How does this apply to stepfamilies?? I'm glad you asked. There is this terrible stereotype for stepmoms known as the "evil stepmother".... Stepdads also have a simular "mean" assumption made about them. Stepchildren are often viewed as spoiled, rude, mean, inconsiderate and selfish. But the same thing applies to them...all of them...moms, dads, step moms, step dads, the step kids, the non custodial parents...everybody...the acting out- is out of loss. Loss of a dream marriage, loss of a spouse, loss of a parent, loss of a family, loss of a stable environment, loss of security...just plain ole' loss. Don't forget that big wild cyclone that happened, happened in all of your lives in some way. That storm took out and destroyed something or someone you loved and cared about. Be patient, pray and dig deeper. You may eventually find real love behind all that "green".

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Paper Plate Tamborines.....


You can’t take it personal. You want to, but you can’t. Its feels personal, but it isn’t. Sometimes as a step parent you get the fall out from a child resenting the fact that you are there. Or the behaviors may just be residuals of the fact that they miss their parent or the way their life used to be. So sometimes you get the rolling of the eyes, the stomping off, the ignoring or disregard for what you have put in place. Some of this happens in regular nuclear families, but with the stress of the blended family already tense, this kind of issue gets amplified, sometimes unjustly, sometimes not. But you can’t take it personal. You want to, but you can’t.

We have learned to deal with this by keeping the main thing; the main thing. Personally, I just remember I do what I do because I love my husband; I made a covenant to him before God and witnesses to be his helpmeet. It has nothing to do with the kids, how they feel about me or how I feel about them. So no matter what it “feels” like, we are obligated to keep our word to God that we would help each other raise these children in the fear of God. Oh sure, there are days that the children think we’re great. There are times we may feel a love for them the same as we would our biological child. We know however that our job and responsibility to them, nor their respect and honor to us isn’t conditional on whether we “feeeeel” we do or not.

I’m reminded of story that made me reflect on a macaroni tambourine that my daughter made me out of paper plates, macaroni and crayons. She had streamers flowing from it and as a 2nd grader, she probably worked on it all day. I took it to work (I worked at a doctor’s office at the time) and had it displayed on my desk for years. When I got ready to switch jobs, a co-worker who was helping me pack was about to toss it out when I stopped her. She was like” It’s not like it’s a real tambourine, you can’t use it girl”. I told her I may not be able to do a thing with it, but I value my daughter and she made it for me, so it goes in the box.

When you look at how you treat people or things (children, siblings, spouses, co-workers, neighbors, the earth etc..) it can’t always be contingent on what your perceived value of the person or the relationship is. Sometimes the value isn’t just in them, “the creation”…its in the Creator. How you treat the creation can reflect how you really feel about the Creator. So, all of God’s little creations running around our home will be honored as His masterpieces. Thank God He used pencil so as He gives us wisdom we can adjust, erase and show up a little better every day.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Growing, Going, Gone....


Jayna turned 22 this week and will be headed back to Arizona and in less than a month Jay will be gone to Oklahoma for college. It seems like these kids should only be 14 and 11 ish but no...they are growing, going and before we know it, gone.

When I met my husband's kids 5-6 years ago they were only about a year away from the time their mom had suddenly passed. My husband was still grieving in a sense, and so were they. I have watched the kids grow and mature incredibly since that time. They are coming into their own now and are finally for the most part, no longer victims of something that happened to them but awesome victors of the life God has ordained. They are no longer defined just as the "kids who mom died". They are now part of a much bigger calling-The Superfamily". They will not forget their mom of course, but they will realize in time that there is more to them than what was loss. That was simply a precious seed for a bigger harvest and the world will begin to see what that former pain was able to produce. It has not been easy for them nor for those of us on the outside who had to learn how to patiently walk through this process with them. They are remarkable and I have enjoyed getting to know them and learning to love them but they are growing...soon they will be going...and then gone.

My side of the crew seems to have grown up with me. By 19 years old, I was already a mom and married. They too have been through alot. They have both their parents, but they have also suffered loss. The divorce and custody issues, The loss of stability, the loss of homes, cars, finances, changing schools continuously, loss of friends, The loss of most of their possessions in a fire, the loss of the availability of their mom. But they are no longer lumped into a box as " divorced children, single mom statistic". They've become much bigger and better than what people may have thought they would be. They are the other side of the bigger calling-"The Superfamily". They have made some mistakes, and some screwy adolescent choices, but they have this uncanny tenacity to survive and overcome. They work hard and play harder. When they laugh, its infectious, they are incredible. Before I married again, there was no one I wanted to be with more than them. But they too are growing, going...and soon will be gone.

It seems like I am running out of time. Did I give them everything I could? Do the girls know what type of undergarments to wear under fitted clothing? Will the boys remember to prefer a young ladies right a way when coming in a door? Will they all remember to clean the tub out after a shower? Will Jay learn how to get through an airport by himself? Will they eat balanced meals when I'm not around? Do they know the importance of putting God first? Will they fight fair? Will they put scripture memory verses and prayer requests on whiteboards for their kids? Will they put bleach in white clothes only? When traveling, will they take extra underwear? Will they know not to even consider dating/courting anyone you know off the top you should not marry. ...the list goes on and on and on...

I guess in all fairness, I get the same amount of time as everyone else-24 hours in a day. I am just appreciating the fact that I need to use what's left more wisely. But hey, there is light at the end of the tunnel... when I "hopefully" become a new grandmother years and years down the road...I'll get more time with them (I mean they HAVE to bring them over right?) and I'll also get a new set of "superkids" to teach to clean the tub out after a shower.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Merging Coke and Pepsi


Contrary to what most would like to believe compromise is not easy, nor is it simple. If it could be just as easy as getting cheese on one side of the pizza, we'd be in business. But sometimes, its all gotta be cheese and you're gonna need to like it and agree with it. The concept may be pretty cut and dry…give a little, bend a little, prefer the other person, blah, blah, blah.. BUT to actually put those things into action on a daily basis is not easy, its work. It’s hard, diligent, consistent work. If someone tells you and believes in all honesty that compromise is simple or easy, 8 ½ times out of 10 they are not a part of a stepfamily.

Those of us who are, understand fully that compromise is taken to new levels when you are in the process of merging two families. It’s like making Coca-Cola and Pespi one company. GASP at the thought? Well think about it…if you are merging two companies, you no longer need two presidents or Human Resources departments. Two marketing teams and two separate mailrooms aren’t necessary. The former processes of two systems cannot function efficiently as one company . As a matter of fact, using two systems in one "company" will bring about chaos and disorder. Either we are going to do things the way Pepsi did them or the way Coke did them or COMPROMISE. To do things totally the way that Coke did them would be dishonorable to Pepsi and their way of doing things. To do everything like Pepsi wants, would mean that you overlook the system that Coke has used successfully. If you are trying to develop a new soda, you can’t function and produce the same way you did as Coke or Pepsi.

Let’s say, Coke overruled, overlooked and disregarded all of Pepsi’s formula and systems. The new company, although it is now two companies merged together, would be nothing but Coke again. Pepsi and what it stood for would be lost in the shuffle and instead of the world getting an exciting new soda, we get just Coke again. Not that Coke is bad, but when you are expecting something new…you don’t just want a Coke. The same is true in families.

So in a stepfamily, you don’t need two people responsible for organizing something. You don’t need two ways of doing the dishes, mowing the lawn, handling the groceries or getting the cars serviced. Something has got to give. You hear phrases like “But we always do this, this way”, or “My family always does this on Christmas” and you aren’t sure how to navigate over the rocky waters of giving a little, getting a little. Its ‘one thing if it were just you and your spouse-most marriages face that just starting out. But then you add your children, and her children and your children’s mother’s family and your husband’s ex-wife’s family, you have the potential for a lot of disappointment. We even have the added situation where one of the previous spouses' is deceased. You can't even critique or hear a unbiased account about the way a former person handled processes to evaluate what would be best now, without stepping on a landmine of defenses and protection of the old adage "speaking ill of the dead". Compromise is so sticky and it bites...hard. But there is hope...if you can master three keys (none of which are very popular) it may help you manage compromise and keep the main thing, the main thing.

Compromise by Merriam's definition means to settle a dispute or disagreement by mutually accepting less than what was originally wanted or to accept a position because of the understanding that what was initially wanted is unattainable.

To settle. That’s the 1st key. You want the issue settled. What do you have to give to make that happen? Sometimes it’s just a little, like “your” side of the bed. Sometimes it’s a whole lot, like spending Christmas with your spouse’s family instead of your own. Sometimes you just have to stop talking. Yup, that means shut up. its harsh, and its meant to be. Not always, but sometimes you'll need to just zip it. Even if you know you're right. What the most important thing? Peace in your household or being able to put your pots and pans in the cabinet on the bottom right versus the upper left? Making your spouse happy and complete or having to prove to be right about everything.
Accepting is the 2nd key. It’s being able to just let go of some ideologies about what you thought married life would be like. You just suck up the fact that hey, what I initially thought I wanted is unattainable, at least right now. I envisioned and desired those things without enough relevant information. The compromise would be to settle and adjust. To stop putting your lofty expectations and dreams on the backs of other people. Have a little grace for the way things are, versus what you want them to be. Give a little, and maybe get a little. Strive for contentment at all costs. It’s more valuable than getting your way.
Understanding is the last key. It doesn't mean you will never see improvement or see things adjust again to what may make you happier. You might, and you have peace in the meantime. But you get other benefits, your children are watching. They will see what you give of yourself and your way of thinking in order to bring joy or contentment to your spouse. They will understand and prayerfully model later what it really means to love.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Monday, July 14, 2008

The Excitement is Mounting...


This weekend, we go on our annual trek to Cedar Point in Sandusky OH. The kids are besides themselves with excitement. Now the buzz is "what are we going to wear? Who's going to ride what? What are you taking on the bus? It's actually fun to watch them. You would think we were going on a 10 day Mediterranean Cruise. But that's what so neat about it. It doesn't take very much to make them happy. It also doesn't take much for them to have a good time. Anyone who was at our wedding reception could vouch for that. They still talk about it even a year later... All of them together at a dinner table will keep you laughing for hours. Really, they actually have a superhero contest as in; they make hypothetical pairings and very loudly debate over who would win between ex. Wolverine and the HULK. I think last we checked Magneto (X-Men) was the overall winner.

So anyway its off to Cedar Point . My husband's family (sister, nieces) is coming and so is my family(parents, siblings etc..). The kids have friends from school, the neighborhood and church coming. The memories we create on the bus ride alone will be things we cherish for years.

As a "Superfamily" (Our new politically correct term for stepfamily or blended, both of which in my opinion are not quite accurate), its important to build new memories TOGETHER. Both families come with their own sets of memories from their past family life. However, everyone involved is in a new family now and the importance of building a new past together (as I call it) cannot be taken for granted.

Do you, or your family have a bus load of painful memories? Start building your new past today. Make new memories, start new traditions. Get out of what you used to do with her and what he always did with you and look at what's best for this NEW family. What are their talents and abilities? Where can we go or what can we do as a family that will spark conversations and leave lasting impressions? For us it's Cedar Point, for you it may be a camping or fishing trip, a annual barbeque or a family scrapbook.

Its not likely that either former separate family will forget things they use to do or places they used to go. But now we have balance and all of the past memories don't have to be ones that include a tinge of pain or yearning over of a spouse, relationship or a parent that is no longer there. Now, even though we separately remember the old past, we can also laugh together at the thought of a match up between Iron Man and Cyclops.

Friday, June 13, 2008

What had happened was....


Usually, when someone starts a sentence off like this (my title), what's to follow isn't always what I want to hear. Besides the fact that's its horrible grammar, that statement "what had happened was..." usually indicates that this story may be fabricated or at the least exaggerated to the favor of the person telling the story. Well, that's not true in my case. I couldn't make up a story like this one on my BEST writer fiction moments. (insert announcer voice here) The story you are about to hear is true. The characters you will meet in these pages are actual people, not actors. Well, they are actors...kinda dramatic, over the top actors, if you want to know the truth. But their situations are real and so are the days of lives....(insert dramatic serial music here). But just like the lighthouse in this picture shines and gives direction in chaos, I pray that our lives give families hope. Hope that after the storm, life (and sometimes a GREAT life) moves on.

It all began back in 1996 when my divorce was finalized. Well, maybe before then, but I'll save that for the book, or the TV show. But anyway, I stood in an old court room with about 4 people in it including the judge. It was a stark contrast to the wedding I had 10 years prior. There were people everywhere, cheering me on, bearing gifts and eating that awesome honey baked ham. BAMN! The judge banged the gavel and pronounced me instead of "man and wife" something that sounded in my head like "severed". As in, cut away from your previous spouse with a rusty, ancient chainsaw. I am sure he said something politically correct like "marriage dissolved" or "legally divorced". But my heart heard severed and the jagged edges left by the sad ending to my marriage were bleeding profusely and it wasn't likely to me that I was going to survive. But with my children waiting on me to pick them up from school I had a purpose, be it ever so slight, to keep my head above water. For the next four years, I experienced some of the most horrendous hard times of my life. Battling dysfuctional relationships, watching my previous church home split apart, working two jobs, going to school, taking care of my kids and making extremely hard choices that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Truth of the matter is, old folks used to say "my soul looks back and wonders how I got over"...well I get it now... I understand why they would shake their heads in disbelief at the trials and tribulations that they overcame through the grace of God. As I type this and begin to reflect on specific days, times, issues, problems, disasters, I shake my head now and MY soul looks back and wonders...how I got over. I am glad I know the answer to that. If I hadn't lasted long enough to find out the how's and why's...this story would get pretty boring and sad right about now.