Left my beer by the side of the road...

I worked in the audio/video department in my church and this particular Sunday I was responsible for putting the lyrics of the worship songs on the big screen.  While listening to the music of the next song to be sung…I thought I recognized it.  But the worship leader sung something that sounded like….Left my BEER by the side of the road… WHAT???  Although, I guess it would be an ok thing to do-leaving beer that is…just didn’t sound like it was shaping up to the kind of song that we would normally sing in church.  I brought up another screen and begin searching on the internet for a song with those lyrics so if I could type them in as we went.  Nothing came up…not even close.  As the leader kept singing…the screen stayed blank…I had no idea where he was going…and then he got to the chorus of the song….”All I need is you…All I need is you Lord..”

Now this part I knew…but I had no idea that there was more to this song than the chorus which was all that we used to sing.  Secondly, I still couldn’t figure out how “beer” fit into the whole scheme of things.  Later I learned that the verse starts…”left my FEAR by the side of the road…”  OOOkay…making sense now.  Scary for me…not having the lyrics up and thinking our worship leader had lost his mind…BUT it was two GREAT lessons in listening.

1. I MISHEARD what was said.  I know what it sounded like…but that was not what he said.  How many times has our spouse, our kids, our siblings, our parents, our boss said something that WE misinterpreted?  Especially with modern technology…an email or text can be taken all out of context if someone leaves their caps lock on by mistake. By now you should know the rule…REPEAT what you thought you heard and get clarity.  If I had just asked the question..more than likely somebody in the studio had heard the song before and could have told me what it was.  In a conversation, what you may have thought was offensive, may just be frustration that has nothing to do with you.  ASK and REPEAT.

2. I didn’t know that there was MORE to the song than what I had previously heard before.  Anytime you are in a conversation…know that 8 times out of 10 there is more to it than what you are hearing.  Search for the root, dig for motive, keep asking why in new and creative ways. I didn’t know that the chorus had a verse that connected it. Don’t think that a bad day at work for your spouse isn’t connected to his response to you. Don’t view your kids moping as just them being moody…connect the dots.

So the next time you hear about beer on the side of the road…don’t panic….it’s probably just the verse to a chorus that ends up turning out ok.

Flying a little lower

Our SuperCape is ripped. We have been together almost three years now. We had some bumps and bruises when we first started but mostly they were from people outside of our home and we eventually sailed through it. But in just the 1st 6 months of this year the flaws, cracks and crevices have begun to come out of hiding and if you aren’t careful, when this happens (and it happens to almost EVERY stepfamily from what I studied) you can easily be overwhelmed.

We’ve got school issues, suspensions, bad grades and the like. We’ve got promiscuity issues and as a result new babies came, are here and are coming. We’ve got self esteem issues and we see desperation for attention in extremely unfruitful ways. There are diligence problems and anger issues and truth is you name it…we have dealt with it…are dealing it…or perhaps will deal it.

Mind you…that’s just the kids stuff..I haven’t shared with you my own struggles and things that John may be facing or working through. This blog entry would be too long.

Now it hasn’t all been rain..we have had some sunshine this year as well. We have had a college graduation and the announcement of two weddings. We got some awesome new furniture after three years of looking . We were proud parents/stepparent of two national band competition winners. One has managed a successful run in a student play. We have had two kids with major repair surgeries and both came out ok, with no alarm or issues.

Somehow, through it all we do not feel beleaguered or under siege. We just recognize that our Superfamily cape has rips and rips are ok...KEEP FLYING..just fly a little lower until you get the pieces back together.. We strongly believe that what we are facing is not just for us, but for other families who may be ashamed to admit to problems that they are facing and not know what to do. There has to be someone who has ridden a storm in order for others to see them and have hope. Willing or not, God chose us to ride ahead of others that are coming and stand on the rock like a lighthouse so others know that they can make it to the other side. A picture of a lighthouse is on our family mission statement and now more than ever God is calling us to be true to what we confessed our purpose to be!

Scars from a Big Wheel

My husband and I have the best goddaughter in the world. Yup, I'm braggin' on her because she is the most considerate, hardworking and humble young lady that I have met in a long time. Even when she found herself in error-she listened, humbled herself, learned and moved on. She is the mother of an adorable, incredibly smart two year old and when I see them together I think about when I was a single mom and how much further along she is than I was. I can't think about it too long before tears will well up in my eyes. I am so grateful that she learned early that making consistently stupid, out of the will of God mistakes doesn't delete the first mistake. It just amplifies it and sows seed and cycles of rebellion and discord in your life. I didn't quite catch on as fast as she did and I paid dearly. But now...she doesn't have to pay....as much.



I told the kids when they were younger that "I got this scar on my knee by running my big wheel into a tree. Now kids, you run YOUR big wheels in to the tree and see what happens." They were like..."NO....I will hurt myself"..I said "how do you know that?" My daughter said, "cause look at YOUR knee." They GOT it! You don't have to make the same mistakes to see if those errors will cause havoc. You can look at the damage and scars of my knee and know that running a Big Wheel into a tree is probably not a great idea. Look at the battle scars of someone else that has gone through what you are facing, ask and learn. Early on, our goddaughter (after some urging from my husband) did that...and she is now, with some great decisions and grace, living a supernaturally blessed life.



I get to share and teach her "mommy" stuff. You know, like how to balance life and single motherhood and how to take care of yourself. I also share simple mother wisdoms that teach her priority, character and sacrifice like-"never go out the house with your child looking dirty, raggedy and uncared for while you are dressed to the nines". Or how as a mom and an example now, your persona, attire and your conversation has to mature. I didn't know she even really valued those things I told her until once when she was bringing the baby over, she called me ahead of time while driving in the car to tell me why she didn't have time to comb the baby's hair..(she was excused... :-). Mind you, she has a great mom and sisters. I am usually just another confirming voice.


My husband gets to share with her practical things like making the right job choices and how to invest and manage your 401k. She was having issues with adjusting to being a manager and getting the respect she needed to perform properly and he helped her wade through it. They talk about what she will major in her master's program and how she can use it later. She is getting ready to buy her first home and he has been sharing with her about what to look for and where. He shares parenting things with her from a dads perspective and he also brings down the hammer of correction when he sees her being too leinient with the baby, getting run down and tired or not spending time for herself.


The key to all of this is...she respects what we know..she shares, she asks and she listens. We got a card from her yesterday that was so heartfelt. It was just a gift from God in timing. An awesome woman had just shared with me that she felt led to tell me that we would have more children (maybe not natural) to lead and teach. I believe, Our goddaughter is one of those people.


As parents, (bio, step, grand, godparents, or spiritual parents) our jobs include teaching, training, discipling and encouragement. When we look at their lives we want to be able to see glimpses that "they listened", "they heard", "they got it", "they are better", "they are wiser". There is a season (for some) that your kids think you know absolutely nothing, don't panic-its just folly-or as I say in modern english terms "short term mild brain damage"...it will pass. But as opportunities re-present themselves-give it to them again with both barrels. You will have to be transparent to a degree. You may have to open up a bit and show them the past hurts. Share, teach, show, disciple, and share some more...Show them your scars from the big wheels of life. It may help them to avoid that gigantic tree up ahead.