Tribulation worketh patience…and both are annoying

The Superfamily is finally back into our house, but it’s still far from being our home. We still have boxes everywhere! We are going through the process of going through each box to determine what goes and what stays. I view this as a fresh start, a new beginning…a chance to rid ourselves of the old and look forward to the new. Ideally, this would be a good exceptthe process is painstaking. If this was just my home, over 80% of these boxes would not have made it back in the door from the restoration people. Why? If you haven’t seen it, worn it or use it in 2 years you don’t need it, chances are you are merely accumulating it with the fear that no more is coming. Fear is a horrible, inconsistent motivator. I've seen for years what the poverty mentality does to people and it’s sad. Remember, It doesn’t matter whether you have “money” or not, the mentality of being poor is worse than actually being poor. Message to others:  Learn to let things...GO.


That’s a difficult principle to teach especially in a blended family. Every piece of paper, all 4,954 photos, every other stitch of clothing reminds someone on one side or the other of what their life USED to be. In order for us to get to where I believe God is calling us, that can no longer be the focus or driving force behind every decision. A memory maybe…the focus…no. Whereas I have worked hard over the years to get to the place that the most important memories I have aren’t captured in a book or something material…they are captured in my heart and in my spirit…I learn daily that everyone hasn’t gotten there yet nor do they view it at the same level of importance.

So in the interim, I live in clutter and there MUST be extra grace being applied from God for me to deal with it, because people that know me “for real for real” know that this stuff (mine, his, hers, there's EVERYBODY's) would have been on the curb weeks ago and my house would have been cleaned, organized and decorated for Thanksgiving. What is this teaching me…patience? Well, Tribulation worketh patience…and BOTH are annoying. But I will need patience to become the multipreneur that I am working to be. I will need patience to edit my 2nd and 3rd book simultaneously. I will need patience to work on this TV pilot project. I will need patience to continue to go to work everyday and seek out new and  different things to learn. I will need patience to sow wisdom into my lil’ heirs. I will need patience with myself to forgive me when I screw up and when I don’t have enough patience with others. There is hope...in the very next verse that I reference above..patience brings experience (or character) and experience reaps hope! Character and hope are excellent fruit of learning how to wait...so I believe I'll just teach by example, sit still and wait right here....bouncing my leg up & down and tapping my fingers feverishly :).

Gardening in the house

His Highness and I are stepping up our gardening this year.  We started a small garden last year and successfully grew green peppers, banana peppers and the like.  This year we are branching out and planting other fruits and veggies such as greens, watermelons, crowder peas, lettuce and tomatoes.  

Our ground (zone 5) is hard and cold right now.  Our growing season is short comparatively.  Knowing this, it is wise to start your seeds in a planter..grow them inside to prepare them for outside.  You are limited by space in the house of course, but by starting small, you gain an advantage to have a bigger harvest than what you would have if you had waited until the ground was ready.

Step parenting or parenting in general is a major lesson of seed….time….and harvest.  If you wait until your children are “ready” to hear instruction from you or accept your advice or guidance, you have lost prime time in making a difference.  With stepchildren this is even more vital because in some cases, depending on the situation, or due to resentment or family structure you may not be revered as an authoritative voice in their life. BUT that does not preclude you from the lessons you can teach from afar, by example…seedlings.

There are things I do, or don’t do that “teach” all time.  The way I serve my husband, decorate my home, organize my day, plan in advance, what I wear, how I speak, my mistakes, my triumphs..  It may be “small” in that I am not sitting down having a one on one consultation on the do’s and do not’s…but my little actions can speak louder than words.  One day when the “ground is ready” my wisdom, insight, or perspective may be better received and a harvest greater than what would have been realized if my little seedlings had not been planted along the way. Seed...TIME....and Harvest..

Flying a little lower

Our SuperCape is ripped. We have been together almost three years now. We had some bumps and bruises when we first started but mostly they were from people outside of our home and we eventually sailed through it. But in just the 1st 6 months of this year the flaws, cracks and crevices have begun to come out of hiding and if you aren’t careful, when this happens (and it happens to almost EVERY stepfamily from what I studied) you can easily be overwhelmed.

We’ve got school issues, suspensions, bad grades and the like. We’ve got promiscuity issues and as a result new babies came, are here and are coming. We’ve got self esteem issues and we see desperation for attention in extremely unfruitful ways. There are diligence problems and anger issues and truth is you name it…we have dealt with it…are dealing it…or perhaps will deal it.

Mind you…that’s just the kids stuff..I haven’t shared with you my own struggles and things that John may be facing or working through. This blog entry would be too long.

Now it hasn’t all been rain..we have had some sunshine this year as well. We have had a college graduation and the announcement of two weddings. We got some awesome new furniture after three years of looking . We were proud parents/stepparent of two national band competition winners. One has managed a successful run in a student play. We have had two kids with major repair surgeries and both came out ok, with no alarm or issues.

Somehow, through it all we do not feel beleaguered or under siege. We just recognize that our Superfamily cape has rips and rips are ok...KEEP FLYING..just fly a little lower until you get the pieces back together.. We strongly believe that what we are facing is not just for us, but for other families who may be ashamed to admit to problems that they are facing and not know what to do. There has to be someone who has ridden a storm in order for others to see them and have hope. Willing or not, God chose us to ride ahead of others that are coming and stand on the rock like a lighthouse so others know that they can make it to the other side. A picture of a lighthouse is on our family mission statement and now more than ever God is calling us to be true to what we confessed our purpose to be!

Choices

Facing the music on the results of choices can be tough. ..especially bad choices. Or even worse, dealing with choices that others made that are affecting you. I tell my son all the time, issues you are dealing with now are results of the choices you made two weeks ago, two months ago, two years ago, what different choices are you making NOW that will result in outcomes in two weeks, two months, two years?

Everything is a choice. Who you call, who you ignore, what you eat, what you put away, what you spend, what you save, where you go, when you decide to stay home, what rules you break, what ones you obey, what you say, what you hold back, what bills you pay and what bills you put-off....

I hate to see cycles coming sometimes...you look up and you are in a familiar place ..and its not a good one. I mean you are still cordial, polite, smiling and hospitalable, but deep inside you know...something is coming...something is not right...I will not be able to hold back this storm...this time its coming and I will not be able to stop it. Actually, I don't want to stop it..come what may...lets just deal with it once and for all....and THAT too is a choice.

I've figured out that sometimes the "run" wears you out. Running from your past...running from your future, running from the phone, running from the mailbox, running from those that can help, running from the fallout of previous choices. At some point you need to stop running, and that is a choice. You need to just stop trying to juggle all the balls alone. Take your superman cape off for a minute and be honest. Be vulnerable, be humbled. I know most of you are saying you must BE crazy..I'm not. I just know that continuing to try to hold it all together when the dam is about to break can kill you. This time make a different choice. Let the chips fall where they may, sincerely turn it over to the only one that really knows all the right choices ~God.

Or, you can continue to do what you've always done in your family, your job, your marriage, your church, your friends, your home, your relationships...hold it all together by the skin of your teeth...but if you do...you'll continue to get what you've always had. If you want something different, DO something different-make a different choice. Ask for help!! I know "FOREIGN..."

Trust somebody, your spouse, friend, pastor or even if its nobody you can trust but God. But this time...don't go it alone...this time the stakes are higher and you may not make it back...trust me.. make a different choice. I'm working on doing the same.

Home; A peaceful place to be...

Not many people can say that about home...that's its peaceful. But I woke up this morning and the weather is finally breaking... I went out on our back upper deck and it was such a peaceful time. It wasn't quiet mind you, but peaceful. You could hear the rippling waters of the creek in our backyard. The chirpping of the birds and in the faint distance you could hear children making their way up the road to get the bus for school...but even though it wasn't silent it was peaceful. I had to take pictures, so on the days it gets a lil nuts, I will remember mornings like this and what mama says.."Trouble don't last always".

Alot of people ask me...oh my GOD I bet your house is loud all the time..and the answer is 93.4% of the time yes, the house is loud. The TV's are going, the computer is going. The kids are talking, laughing & screaming. The washer machine is humming the dryer is flipping. Cars are coming in and out of the driveway and doors are opening and closing constantly. The dishwasher is swishing and we have a revolving door of visitors that add tremendously to the volume level. But on a rare occasion-like this morning it wasn't loud at all. There was quiet...which has a new definition for me-The absence of chaos or unnecessary noise.

It was also peaceful. But peace is different from quiet...thus the term "PEACE & QUIET'. Peace is an inner decision and quiet is controlled by circumstances and volume. I had peace this morning, not because everything is perfect-Its not. It was not because we don't have issues to face or obstacles to overcome-We do. But for that moment I decided not to let all of that to forefront. I will have to eventually go back and get it (the issues, the obstacles etc..) and face them but for that moment I sat in my chair and chose peace....and it was an excellent choice.

The Wicked Witch of the West

My Husband and I are going to see the musical "Wicked" . First of all, I LOVE musicals and I always like to know the story before the performance so I can follow along better. I do the same with ballets and operas. Besides its involvement of witchcraft, The Wizard of OZ is one of the most profound fairytales of all times. The lessons learned in each layer of the storyline is enough to digest for years. Everytime I watch it, there is a new lesson to be learned. No man could have planned that. Kingdom messages can be learned almost ANYWHERE. So, anyway in my research of the story "Wicked" which is a "prequel" to the Frank Baum story, I was astonished to note the change in my deameanor toward the original characters once I understood their motives. (There is a point to this just bear with me)...

For example; The infamous "ruby red slippers" were given to Dorothy by Glinda in the Wizard of Oz..but what you find in the "pre" story is that they weren't even hers to give. They belonged to Elphaba (the wicked witch of the west). She created those slippers for her wheelchair bound, paralyzed sister, Nessa (the one who ended up dead-under the house), so she could walk. Glinda was sorta behind the cyclone and giving them to Dorothy was really just to keep Elphaba distracted and chasing after Dorothy for the shoes (the last memento of her sister), when it was really Glinda that was responsible for her sister's death. Whew....so after figuring that out and reading a ton of other things...you find that those people perceived to be mean weren't really..they were responding out of hurt to a misjustice and were actually "right' and those who appear to be just or 'right" may not have necessarily been.

So lesson learned: Don't judge based on what you see on the surface. Someone may appear to have it all together. They may seem as if all their ducks are in a row and everything that comes out of their mouth is truth. Ummmmm not necessarily so...the ruby slippers they are trying to pawn off on you may not even be theirs to give. The reverse is also true. Just because someone comes off as mean, defensive or arbitrary does not mean that they are hopelessly bitter. If you dig deeper into their story you will find that they got dealt a bad hand and may not know how to overcome it.

Sidebar: I know if I was stuck with green skin and somebody stole my man and my sister's million dollar ruby encrusted shoes it would be on and poppin'!! Earrings off and vaseline out...and you would too...admit it.

You will handle people differently, if you care enough to dig a little deeper. You may also find that people you may have looked up to have some severe issues too and could have left a long line of hurt people behind them. Every "Glinda" with a white dress, a smile and a seemingly magic wand to make all your dreams come true is not necessarily good. And every green witch on a broom ain't all bad...give her back her shoes (or whatever is missing in their life, usually its Jesus in some form) and you may find yourself a new friend with wayyyyyyyyyyy more power, confidence and character than the undercover fake good person could have ever conjured up.

How does this apply to stepfamilies?? I'm glad you asked. There is this terrible stereotype for stepmoms known as the "evil stepmother".... Stepdads also have a simular "mean" assumption made about them. Stepchildren are often viewed as spoiled, rude, mean, inconsiderate and selfish. But the same thing applies to them...all of them...moms, dads, step moms, step dads, the step kids, the non custodial parents...everybody...the acting out- is out of loss. Loss of a dream marriage, loss of a spouse, loss of a parent, loss of a family, loss of a stable environment, loss of security...just plain ole' loss. Don't forget that big wild cyclone that happened, happened in all of your lives in some way. That storm took out and destroyed something or someone you loved and cared about. Be patient, pray and dig deeper. You may eventually find real love behind all that "green".

Bedtime at 9:00 !!!

My husband made a proclamation this morning after ignoring the alarms and dragging ourselves out of the bed. “One day this week, we are going to bed at 9:00 PM “..No movies, just music and sleep.”

Why, you ask? Because frankly my dear, this "life race", has us absolutely exhausted. We feel exactly like "Erik" looks in this picture. For example, On Saturday- My Husband’s schedule: Waking at the crack of dawn to go to training then back home to pick up children for drop off at a rehearsal then heading to the store to get items needed for band camp then back to pick up previously dropped off children.

For me, it was mopping the ½ bathroom, loading the dishwasher, dropping yet another child at a birthday party, shop for a dress and shoes. Then we both got dressed and went to a black tie event (thank God we could sit long enough to eat a great meal) only to head home at around 10 PM long enough to change clothes and for my husband to head back out to the store for more band camp items. For me, I started Sunday dinner in a crock pot, headed out to pick up one child from work, and another from a girlfriends’ house who did her hair for her. We met back at home around 11:30 PM watched a Star Trek movie and collapsed. But then Sunday, its back up and rolling…My husband is up at the crack of dawn to drop off a child at the meeting place for band camp then we headed out to morning services that didn’t get out until almost 2:30pm.

We finally make it home at around 3:15, sit for about 20 minutes while the girls clean their tornado affected bedroom, before we discovered that we don’t have the energy necessary to finish dinner. So we pack up the van, head to a restaurant around 4:30 pm, and muster up the strength to eat. We go back home, it’s around 7ish now and see that the computer is on the fritz. My husband works on that while I work on my weekend project which was to get my old jewelry boxes cleaned out and all my jewelry transferred to my new boxes (that I bought over the weekend) while watching the movie “Mars Attacks” with my daughter (I promised). We finally finish up our projects and its now 9:35PM. We leave the house to go to ColdStone Creamery (which we have been trying to do for months), we get an ice cream, sit on the bench for a minute and talk. We head back home, and the computer is still tripping, so my husband works on that while I get ready for bed. I put on the movie I was supposed to watch earlier while I wrap my hair, get clothes out for today and straighten my dresser. We finally both make it to the bed, and I fall asleep before "Kirk and Bones make it back to Vulcan to help Spock", geez I hope they made it :-). Which brings us to this morning…and my husband’s proclamation “One day this week, we are going to bed at 9:00 PM “..No movies, just music and sleep.”

Not sure what day its gonna be..but he’s right. We are a tad exhausted. Funny thing is, we were three to four kids short this weekend (three were over an aunts house and one was spending the night over another relatives house.) Every weekend is not like this, but most are. It comes with the territory of having a large family. We don’t have drivers, or nannies, or housekeepers, or babysitters or maids or butlers or administrative assistants ready to jump in and pick up the slack…we have well….US! Yet, we get it done through super endurance, super patience and super support for one another. Oh suuuuuuuurrrrre we could buy all the kids that can drive, "cars" ! We could get insurance, help with gas and send them on all these errands. However people, "here on earth" those things cost money-and with teenagers, lots of money. Actually, some are working toward taking care of these things themselves. THAT's what we'd rather see, them becoming responsible young adults and then we'll help. That means that as parents,we are not raising helpless whiny brats and punk lil' girly men who can't manage to work toward anything successfully or have the patience and endurance to work and wait. If it means we run around in the meantime, yeah well, our super cape will fly in the wind and we'll do what we have to do. (ok, sorry if that was harsh...i'm sleepy remember?-but its still the truth)

Sometimes we need to plan better, we’re learning and we’ll work on that. I need to exercise more for more energy-yeah right...hmmm ,where do fit THAT in? Sometimes we need to learn to say NO. There is some cutting away from activities and obligations that we will have to decide on for the good of the group, especially when school starts again. If you can believe this, there are some things we need to add, to make sure that the kids are taking advantage of prime opportunities. I am sure we will find the time to figure that out in between pick ups, drops offs and scheduling time to brush our teeth…But you know what? If sleep is our biggest issue with a family of 13, Praise God-we’ll take it GRATEFULLY and without complaint.