Its half time...time to huddle up!

Our point of reference for "half time" drifts to a sports game...and halfway through the game all play stops, the team comes off the field and goes into the locker room. Most players change clothes, shoes, take a quick shower. Some may grab something to drink or eat to keep their energy up. But after all of the initial commotion stops..its time for the coach to speak. The coach goes over what went well, what went wrong and what the strategy the team will use to work toward victory.

Its July and a little more than half of the year has past. Summertime is finally here and the sunshine, cool breezes and holidays bring about looser schedules..lazy afternoons, and vacations. Nothing is wrong with any of that except that by the time you get your footing again the kids are back in school, its mid September and in three months the year will be over and very few of your 2010 goals have been met.

Every mid year I have learned to huddle up. I come off the field (take a few days off work..or plan a long weekend)..change clothes (no suits, pantyhose or pumps) nourish myself and then prepare to listen to the coach...for me that's God.

I go over my year plans/goals and update myself as to where I am with completing them. I see what I have done well...what I have done not so well and adjust where necessary. I make tasks sheets to give direction as to what I need to accomplish and then determine if there is more I can take on or if there is something I need to let go.

This process rejuvenates a sports team and it does wonders for an individual as well. I also use this time to review my daughters schedule and goals..and plan time off for my husband and I.

Don't let the rest of this year just happen to you. Its half time...and its time huddle up...take stock and plan out the rest of your year...Live on purpose.

What is The State of YOUR Union?

A few nights ago the President gave his State of the Union speech. As most presidents have before him, the speech is a collective annual report of not only the successes of his time in office thus far but it also set the tone and direction for the rest of the year. It usually covers the economic status of the nation, along with the cultural temperament and mood of the constituents and the foreign affairs of our nation.

Before ending the speech, the President gives direction as to where the nation is heading and encourages (or admonishes) with a planned strategy for accomplishing the agenda he has set for the year. The goal is after hearing the report, the nation should have a better idea as to the “state” or condition of the union.

In Marriage, you have to take time at least annually to assess where you are, where you are going and how you are going to get there. You need to retreat to discuss your economic condition, the temperament of the home and what things you are doing outside of the home (“foreign affairs”). You need to know the “State of YOUR union”.

What types of things are you doing to make sure that your union isn’t suffering or being neglected? Could you really sit down right now and give an honest assessment as to where you two are and where you are going? Are you clear as to what the goals are for you as a couple this year (not your family goals, your kids goals, your churches goals, your jobs goals…). Your state of the union directives’ for the year has to be couple (UNION) focused only. The other goals are important, but they are secondary and in some cases tertiary to what you two need to work on as a union. Your union goals may look like:

1. We work on our communication skills by not interrupting each other; spend time daily talking to each other at least 30 minutes (collectively), and not shutting down when the conversation gets difficult.
2. We will plan a quarterly getaway (overnight optional) and one full vacation for us. While away we will not discuss, kids, money, church or family…just us, the Lord and his vision for our marriage.
3. We will not take on any outside commitments (outside of work & home) at church, in the community or with extended family without full understanding of what is required and clearance from the other spouse.

Being a product of corporate America, I handle things corporately. If my hubby isn’t watchful I will have an agenda, powerpoint presentation and handouts when we sit down to talk. But I have learned now to relax and just lay across the bed and go over our goals and issues I may have with understanding where we are. During Valentine’s Day weekend we are scheduled to go on a retreat. A few days to just see where my husband’s head is about us and what’s on his heart about what we as a couple are assigned to do is priceless and worth way more than roses and chocolate. What’s the state of YOUR union? Instead of a dinner this Valentine’s Day...set up a meeting and get your nation under the groove .

Juggling

I am always working on 3-4 things at a time. For example, I am reading two books, writing 3 books, publishing our family newsletter and working on material for this blog. I think that I have a new superfamily post ready, but in the meantime I would love for you to read an excerpt of a book that I am fiddlin' with. It is a life management type book and it covers prioritizing, refocusing and cutting off dependence and loyalty to things and people not crucial to your destiny. Let me know what you think. Be kind :-), its a rough draft........

“I am campaigning for myself for awhile…” This statement captured my attention and diverted my thought process for the days and weeks that followed.

It had begun as typical office fodder and spirited discussions among co-workers on our economy, the mortgage crises, gas prices and finally politics. It was not uncommon for one, if not all of us to be a part of the political process in some form or fashion. It could be petitions, attending meetings, researching candidates, reviewing news reports, or sending donations. All of us were advocates of not allowing things to just happen. We believed in being a part of the process to help bring about the outcome you desire. So, when Ilinda said that she “wasn’t really going to be involved in the presidential election”. The nature of this group wasn’t to just say “oh, ok". We prodded; we probed and questioned ourselves into an impromptu lecture on the importance of involvement and having your voice heard in the political process.

After we climbed off of our “social responsibility” soap box’, Ilinda softly explained that there were things she needed to do to work on her career that needed her attention. She reminded us that she has two young boys and a husband that needed her time. She stated that she was working on “her” life strategy now, not just helping to fulfill somebody else’s. She was not being selfish or standoffish. She even mentioned sending a donation to the candidate of her choice thus letting her money work as a voice for her. But her more valuable resources, her time, her energy, her thoughts and her presence had to be focused differently. She was her own campaign manager, strategist and PR consistently operating in the position of CEO of Ilinda, Inc”.

My sister and I were talking and sharing our woes about over committing ourselves and trying to fulfill the expectations of others while our to-do list got longer. We shared about how we found ourselves making poor choices so we wouldn’t let down “important” people that counted on us, but noticeably at the expense of the people that truly mattered. For example, I had spent a week before a trip to Cancun taking my daughter back and forth to auditions and call-backs for movie. She didn’t land the lead role, but she did get a great supporting role and taping was an all day marathon session scheduled for the day after I returned. I was responsible for her costume, hair, makeup, and transportation. I was so incredibly exhausted on the day of taping, I actually thought of what excuse I could come up with to not take her. I know…BAD MOMMY! I agree it was horrible, after the fact I couldn’t believe that I even thought it. Why? Because I know that if other issues came up that may have had nothing to do with family, for example my church, or my job, I would have dragged my tired self wherever it needed to be to help with the crisis for people who actually may not have noticed, appreciated or cared about the sacrifice. I made the right choice. I put the time into my daughter and I am so glad I didn’t miss the opportunity to see her shine. I was utterly wiped out, but her energy and appreciation rejuvenated me and yet made me ashamed.

Since when has the smile of a child taken a back seat to the half hearted kudos of a boss? When did it become ok to spend all afternoon in church, because it’s “church”, even though your wife needs you at home. Why does the phone call of a manager or leader evoke an immediate response when your husband’s call rings at an annoyance to you? Why do you know your company’s missions statement or your church’s vision, or your neighborhood block club goals and yet you have no idea what the mission, vision or goals are for your own life? Where is the same diligence that you spend grandstanding and campaigning for the dreams of other people when it comes time to move forward in what you should be doing for yourself and your family? Let’s face it, for some of us if our lives were a business we would be bankrupt. Or even a more chilling thought, if you were running for the office of “You”, you would lose.