Three Crutches?

In a recent sitcom, Linda was grilling Audrey about going over the top in one of her relationships. She dogged her for always being there, sort of waiting on her boyfriend, “Trevor” hand and foot, cooking when he what he wants, when he wants, laundry etc…in short WAY too much. Audrey responds to one of Linda’s many questions by saying” But he has a broken leg” and Linda’s classic response “I know, I see all 3 of his crutches, 1…2 and YOU.

I often say “my circle is so small it’s a line”. That’s funny, but its truth. But the folks in my line…I can count on. It can be 3 AM or 3PM, I can call from jail or Jerusalem if I need them, they are ride or die.  Yet I can’t tell you the last time I talked on the phone with them for over 10 minutes. However, that is also why I value them.  I know if they do call - there is a problem or something is happening good or bad that I need to know… I know we don’t just “shoot the breeze”. So that means it’s important or serious and I come to a full stop.  Sometimes, I become one of the crutches holding them up until the pain has passed. Sometimes they are the crutch for me. That is the ONLY role of a crutch and it’s TEMPORARY. I then resume my place in the background of their life, like a safety net. Now, if you saw someone still walking on crutches a year or two after a simple sprained ankle, you would know that something went WAY wrong in the healing process or they are afraid of falling again.

Some of us treat our “friends” or relationships in general as if they are in a full body cast.  We act as if the relationship is helpless to stand on its own unless you are there feeding it constantly with activity, favors, and compliments.  Seriously, take a lesson from God.

God called Abraham his friend, yet in a span of about 30 years from Genesis chapter 12 until chapter 22, God  is recorded as speaking only 7 times to him. If your friend only called you maybe once every 5 years or so…YOU would not call them friend, but they may be. That's not to say that relationships won't need work on occasion or that you won't need to take the initiative to reestablish a VALUABLE friendship sometimes.

Yet, relationships are more than activities. Its’ found in connection. It’s in a look, a knowing glance that says, “I hear what you are saying, but I know what you are feeling”. It’s in being able to freely say to a friend that they are acting like an idiot, fight about it and then go to Wendy’s for a frosty.

Needy people will need people all the time.  You will rarely see them stand on their own two feet without “crutches”.  You will rarely see them alone.  As soon as one relationship ends, they are with another guy, friend or buddy filling an emotional vacancy that is a sure sign of a deeper issue. I’ve got five dollars that says you don’t have that kind of time. Quit taking the term friendship so lightly. You owe it to you and your true inner circle, to do some assessing (I call it circle editing) and see who stays, who goes or gets a brand new title: acquaintance.

The Excitement is Mounting...

This weekend, we go on our annual trek to Cedar Point in Sandusky OH. The kids are besides themselves with excitement. Now the buzz is "what are we going to wear? Who's going to ride what? What are you taking on the bus? It's actually fun to watch them. You would think we were going on a 10 day Mediterranean Cruise. But that's what so neat about it. It doesn't take very much to make them happy. It also doesn't take much for them to have a good time. Anyone who was at our wedding reception could vouch for that. They still talk about it even a year later... All of them together at a dinner table will keep you laughing for hours. Really, they actually have a superhero contest as in; they make hypothetical pairings and very loudly debate over who would win between ex. Wolverine and the HULK. I think last we checked Magneto (X-Men) was the overall winner.

So anyway its off to Cedar Point . My husband's family (sister, nieces) is coming and so is my family(parents, siblings etc..). The kids have friends from school, the neighborhood and church coming. The memories we create on the bus ride alone will be things we cherish for years.

As a "Superfamily" (Our new politically correct term for stepfamily or blended, both of which in my opinion are not quite accurate), its important to build new memories TOGETHER. Both families come with their own sets of memories from their past family life. However, everyone involved is in a new family now and the importance of building a new past together (as I call it) cannot be taken for granted.

Do you, or your family have a bus load of painful memories? Start building your new past today. Make new memories, start new traditions. Get out of what you used to do with her and what he always did with you and look at what's best for this NEW family. What are their talents and abilities? Where can we go or what can we do as a family that will spark conversations and leave lasting impressions? For us it's Cedar Point, for you it may be a camping or fishing trip, a annual barbeque or a family scrapbook.

Its not likely that either former separate family will forget things they use to do or places they used to go. But now we have balance and all of the past memories don't have to be ones that include a tinge of pain or yearning over of a spouse, relationship or a parent that is no longer there. Now, even though we separately remember the old past, we can also laugh together at the thought of a match up between Iron Man and Cyclops.