The Wicked Witch of the West

My Husband and I are going to see the musical "Wicked" . First of all, I LOVE musicals and I always like to know the story before the performance so I can follow along better. I do the same with ballets and operas. Besides its involvement of witchcraft, The Wizard of OZ is one of the most profound fairytales of all times. The lessons learned in each layer of the storyline is enough to digest for years. Everytime I watch it, there is a new lesson to be learned. No man could have planned that. Kingdom messages can be learned almost ANYWHERE. So, anyway in my research of the story "Wicked" which is a "prequel" to the Frank Baum story, I was astonished to note the change in my deameanor toward the original characters once I understood their motives. (There is a point to this just bear with me)...

For example; The infamous "ruby red slippers" were given to Dorothy by Glinda in the Wizard of Oz..but what you find in the "pre" story is that they weren't even hers to give. They belonged to Elphaba (the wicked witch of the west). She created those slippers for her wheelchair bound, paralyzed sister, Nessa (the one who ended up dead-under the house), so she could walk. Glinda was sorta behind the cyclone and giving them to Dorothy was really just to keep Elphaba distracted and chasing after Dorothy for the shoes (the last memento of her sister), when it was really Glinda that was responsible for her sister's death. Whew....so after figuring that out and reading a ton of other things...you find that those people perceived to be mean weren't really..they were responding out of hurt to a misjustice and were actually "right' and those who appear to be just or 'right" may not have necessarily been.

So lesson learned: Don't judge based on what you see on the surface. Someone may appear to have it all together. They may seem as if all their ducks are in a row and everything that comes out of their mouth is truth. Ummmmm not necessarily so...the ruby slippers they are trying to pawn off on you may not even be theirs to give. The reverse is also true. Just because someone comes off as mean, defensive or arbitrary does not mean that they are hopelessly bitter. If you dig deeper into their story you will find that they got dealt a bad hand and may not know how to overcome it.

Sidebar: I know if I was stuck with green skin and somebody stole my man and my sister's million dollar ruby encrusted shoes it would be on and poppin'!! Earrings off and vaseline out...and you would too...admit it.

You will handle people differently, if you care enough to dig a little deeper. You may also find that people you may have looked up to have some severe issues too and could have left a long line of hurt people behind them. Every "Glinda" with a white dress, a smile and a seemingly magic wand to make all your dreams come true is not necessarily good. And every green witch on a broom ain't all bad...give her back her shoes (or whatever is missing in their life, usually its Jesus in some form) and you may find yourself a new friend with wayyyyyyyyyyy more power, confidence and character than the undercover fake good person could have ever conjured up.

How does this apply to stepfamilies?? I'm glad you asked. There is this terrible stereotype for stepmoms known as the "evil stepmother".... Stepdads also have a simular "mean" assumption made about them. Stepchildren are often viewed as spoiled, rude, mean, inconsiderate and selfish. But the same thing applies to them...all of them...moms, dads, step moms, step dads, the step kids, the non custodial parents...everybody...the acting out- is out of loss. Loss of a dream marriage, loss of a spouse, loss of a parent, loss of a family, loss of a stable environment, loss of security...just plain ole' loss. Don't forget that big wild cyclone that happened, happened in all of your lives in some way. That storm took out and destroyed something or someone you loved and cared about. Be patient, pray and dig deeper. You may eventually find real love behind all that "green".

The New Normal

I was in high school in the 80’s and I remember being in the 9th or 10th grade and wanting some orange converse high top all stars. I am not sure why. They weren’t quite my style. I was quite “preppyish” then. But they were unique, not many people had them. So, I worked for them, saved my money and bought them. (Please accept my belated apologies if you ever saw me in them). It was perfectly normal for me to wear them every chance I got. That along with members only jackets, a double belt, legwarmers, jelly shoes, a nanny goat fur coat were among other fashion dares of that time. If this were 1984, those items would still be normal. But now in 2008, my kids would nail the doors shut before allowing me to go out like that.

Why? Although I liked those things then, the season for them has passed. My "new normal" is suits, pantyhose and pumps for work, green sprite pop printed pajama pants at home (hey, my husband bought them and they are my absolute favorite). But to see me in those pajama pants at home or a suit at work would not shock anyone who knew me. They realize times change, fashions and designs improve and adjust depending on the season and creativity. In 2008 I wouldn’t get pulled over by the fashion police and asked “Where are your purple and gold leg warmers from 1982?” Seems silly, because what worked then doesn’t work now and no one will fault you for changing your “normal”.

That is unless you are talking about almost anything that is not material. If you change your mind about a thought process, a way of doing things, a method of approaching something or a decision, you are looked at as a “flip flop”or unstable. Ok well how about this…how about “I changed my mind”. That's it. Its’ just as plain and as simple as that. What worked for me then doesn’t work anymore. What I thought then was based on the information I had at the time. What I think now is based on what I know now. Some of us are afraid of change just out of fear of what people may think. I’ve had to change a lot in the past 5-6 years. There are those who may not like it…and I say…um yeah well-I don't know what ta tell ya…. Things that used to be important to me just aren’t anymore. Things that I use to HAVE to do or things I HAD to be involved in…Well, I just don’t have to do that anymore. Some call it the "40" flip (and I will lend some credence to that-after I turned 40 my focus did turn a tad to the left and it's great). Some call it maturing. For me, I suppose, I just did what I had to do. That's what a Superspouse/Superparent does. You adjust to the blend and deal with it. Having a quieter home is not the norm now, so? Having alot of space and time to myself is a distant thing of the past, so? My husband not having to share a closet or bathroom is so over (sorry dahlin', but scoot over). Making decisions independent of someone else isn't the way its done anymore, and? We just face it- Our normal is changing daily.

There were certain ways I did things in the past from as simple as paying the bills or banking to gardening and laundry that I don’t approach the same anymore. Or it could be more serious, such as how I handle offenses. Some believe that the opposite of change is consistency. I believe the opposite of change is closer to “stagnant”. As in, you are becoming inactive or dormant. As a stepfamily, what worked in your previous family 9.85 times out of 10 won’t work in totality in your new family. You have to be open to change to function effectively. If you don’t, you will be the equivalent of being in 2008 wearing Orange Converses with a Members Only jacket and purple and gold leg warmers. Not cute people. Not cute at all. Be open and flexible to change and get used to your new normal even if it includes wearing green sprite pajama pants .