Scars from a Big Wheel

My husband and I have the best goddaughter in the world. Yup, I'm braggin' on her because she is the most considerate, hardworking and humble young lady that I have met in a long time. Even when she found herself in error-she listened, humbled herself, learned and moved on. She is the mother of an adorable, incredibly smart two year old and when I see them together I think about when I was a single mom and how much further along she is than I was. I can't think about it too long before tears will well up in my eyes. I am so grateful that she learned early that making consistently stupid, out of the will of God mistakes doesn't delete the first mistake. It just amplifies it and sows seed and cycles of rebellion and discord in your life. I didn't quite catch on as fast as she did and I paid dearly. But now...she doesn't have to pay....as much.



I told the kids when they were younger that "I got this scar on my knee by running my big wheel into a tree. Now kids, you run YOUR big wheels in to the tree and see what happens." They were like..."NO....I will hurt myself"..I said "how do you know that?" My daughter said, "cause look at YOUR knee." They GOT it! You don't have to make the same mistakes to see if those errors will cause havoc. You can look at the damage and scars of my knee and know that running a Big Wheel into a tree is probably not a great idea. Look at the battle scars of someone else that has gone through what you are facing, ask and learn. Early on, our goddaughter (after some urging from my husband) did that...and she is now, with some great decisions and grace, living a supernaturally blessed life.



I get to share and teach her "mommy" stuff. You know, like how to balance life and single motherhood and how to take care of yourself. I also share simple mother wisdoms that teach her priority, character and sacrifice like-"never go out the house with your child looking dirty, raggedy and uncared for while you are dressed to the nines". Or how as a mom and an example now, your persona, attire and your conversation has to mature. I didn't know she even really valued those things I told her until once when she was bringing the baby over, she called me ahead of time while driving in the car to tell me why she didn't have time to comb the baby's hair..(she was excused... :-). Mind you, she has a great mom and sisters. I am usually just another confirming voice.


My husband gets to share with her practical things like making the right job choices and how to invest and manage your 401k. She was having issues with adjusting to being a manager and getting the respect she needed to perform properly and he helped her wade through it. They talk about what she will major in her master's program and how she can use it later. She is getting ready to buy her first home and he has been sharing with her about what to look for and where. He shares parenting things with her from a dads perspective and he also brings down the hammer of correction when he sees her being too leinient with the baby, getting run down and tired or not spending time for herself.


The key to all of this is...she respects what we know..she shares, she asks and she listens. We got a card from her yesterday that was so heartfelt. It was just a gift from God in timing. An awesome woman had just shared with me that she felt led to tell me that we would have more children (maybe not natural) to lead and teach. I believe, Our goddaughter is one of those people.


As parents, (bio, step, grand, godparents, or spiritual parents) our jobs include teaching, training, discipling and encouragement. When we look at their lives we want to be able to see glimpses that "they listened", "they heard", "they got it", "they are better", "they are wiser". There is a season (for some) that your kids think you know absolutely nothing, don't panic-its just folly-or as I say in modern english terms "short term mild brain damage"...it will pass. But as opportunities re-present themselves-give it to them again with both barrels. You will have to be transparent to a degree. You may have to open up a bit and show them the past hurts. Share, teach, show, disciple, and share some more...Show them your scars from the big wheels of life. It may help them to avoid that gigantic tree up ahead.

Growing, Going, Gone....

Jayna turned 22 this week and will be headed back to Arizona and in less than a month Jay will be gone to Oklahoma for college. It seems like these kids should only be 14 and 11 ish but no...they are growing, going and before we know it, gone.

When I met my husband's kids 5-6 years ago they were only about a year away from the time their mom had suddenly passed. My husband was still grieving in a sense, and so were they. I have watched the kids grow and mature incredibly since that time. They are coming into their own now and are finally for the most part, no longer victims of something that happened to them but awesome victors of the life God has ordained. They are no longer defined just as the "kids who mom died". They are now part of a much bigger calling-The Superfamily". They will not forget their mom of course, but they will realize in time that there is more to them than what was loss. That was simply a precious seed for a bigger harvest and the world will begin to see what that former pain was able to produce. It has not been easy for them nor for those of us on the outside who had to learn how to patiently walk through this process with them. They are remarkable and I have enjoyed getting to know them and learning to love them but they are growing...soon they will be going...and then gone.

My side of the crew seems to have grown up with me. By 19 years old, I was already a mom and married. They too have been through alot. They have both their parents, but they have also suffered loss. The divorce and custody issues, The loss of stability, the loss of homes, cars, finances, changing schools continuously, loss of friends, The loss of most of their possessions in a fire, the loss of the availability of their mom. But they are no longer lumped into a box as " divorced children, single mom statistic". They've become much bigger and better than what people may have thought they would be. They are the other side of the bigger calling-"The Superfamily". They have made some mistakes, and some screwy adolescent choices, but they have this uncanny tenacity to survive and overcome. They work hard and play harder. When they laugh, its infectious, they are incredible. Before I married again, there was no one I wanted to be with more than them. But they too are growing, going...and soon will be gone.

It seems like I am running out of time. Did I give them everything I could? Do the girls know what type of undergarments to wear under fitted clothing? Will the boys remember to prefer a young ladies right a way when coming in a door? Will they all remember to clean the tub out after a shower? Will Jay learn how to get through an airport by himself? Will they eat balanced meals when I'm not around? Do they know the importance of putting God first? Will they fight fair? Will they put scripture memory verses and prayer requests on whiteboards for their kids? Will they put bleach in white clothes only? When traveling, will they take extra underwear? Will they know not to even consider dating/courting anyone you know off the top you should not marry. ...the list goes on and on and on...

I guess in all fairness, I get the same amount of time as everyone else-24 hours in a day. I am just appreciating the fact that I need to use what's left more wisely. But hey, there is light at the end of the tunnel... when I "hopefully" become a new grandmother years and years down the road...I'll get more time with them (I mean they HAVE to bring them over right?) and I'll also get a new set of "superkids" to teach to clean the tub out after a shower.