Once Upon a Time...that face...that feeling..

The King and His Daughter Snow...

Last night I watched a show called Once Upon a Time and as the title indicates…it’s about fairytales..sort of.  Yesterday’s episode showed a scene that looked painfully familiar.  As I watched it unfold, that icky feeling you get in the pit of your stomach where you see a train getting ready to hit the brick wall, and you know you’re gonna get hit with the residue, but you stand there and watch anyway….and then you bleed and vomit…yeah it was THAT feeling.

 Scene: In a flash back.. a King in a formal setting at the palace..big dinner event, all of the people in the land are there.  He has remarried Queen Regina (who is now known as the villain of the show) and yet Regina sits alone at a table in the background. Snow White takes centered stage in the throne area with her father, the King as he gushes over her and tells her and everyone present how wonderful she is and how beautiful she is and how much she reminds her of her mother as she was the fairest in all the land…the camera pans to his new wife Regina, sitting out of the scene... and in that one quick moment when I saw her face, I knew that that actress deserved an Oscar.WHY??  I KNOW that face. I’ve made that face. I know "that" feeling.

Queen Regina

 Contrary to popular belief or misconception, it’s not the feeling of jealousy....look at it...its heartbreak...its a yearning for more.  The stepmother (as the Evil Queen evolves to be) is not “wicked” in this scene as she is labeled later.  This feeling is that daunting consistent realization that he may have married you…but you are not “her” and no matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how many hoops you jump through, no matter how awesome you really truly are..you will probably never hear your husband say that you are “indeed the greatest thing that has ever happened to me…the fairest in all the land..” if you will.  If he does, it will be in a private moment, with no one around, or with a disclaimer, or with him constantly looking over his shoulder to make sure that no one heard him, or without some “explaining” to do later…neither of which compare with an abandoned declaration, security and assurance that every wife wants settled in her heart. If a wife tells you differently, she's probably lying.  The Bible says that our desire is to our husbands, that's in biblical order to crave that. To not have that in totality and not become bitter, vindictive or cold and STILL trust God in your marriage takes an overwhelming amount of grace. 

Needless to say that the character.. "Regina" is a tad short on grace and ends up in all kind of foolishness all because she did not know what to do and had noone to turn to when her husband screwed up his priorities, disregarded her and her needs. The King is caught between a rock and a hard place, with a deceased wife he wants to always honor and the child he had with her...but its at the expense of the new wife he claims he loves…what would YOU do? There are no two "best". One is and one isn't, it requires a choice.

 Second wives, especially those married to a former widower NEED grace.  There are some things that you are going to have to settle in your heart for yourself and be ok with. Don't fall into the trap of bitterness.  God will and can fill in the blanks, I guarantee it! It is NOT easy; I don’t think it would have been given to me if it were easy. God entrusts me with the hard stuff. Some days are harder than others and sometimes you want to cry and retreat, find another way to be happy rather than explain yourself, once again.  But I know a God who is available to us.  He is a GREAT companion.  He is a very present help in the time of trouble.  Call him, he has NO problem declaring his love for you and shouting out to the world through his blessings…that, that one is MINE…I love her completely, there is no one like her and no one can take ever take her place, her design is unique and she is the best to do what Ihave called her to do….She is fearfully and wonderfully made…she is and will always be my number 1.

Growing, Going, Gone....

Jayna turned 22 this week and will be headed back to Arizona and in less than a month Jay will be gone to Oklahoma for college. It seems like these kids should only be 14 and 11 ish but no...they are growing, going and before we know it, gone.

When I met my husband's kids 5-6 years ago they were only about a year away from the time their mom had suddenly passed. My husband was still grieving in a sense, and so were they. I have watched the kids grow and mature incredibly since that time. They are coming into their own now and are finally for the most part, no longer victims of something that happened to them but awesome victors of the life God has ordained. They are no longer defined just as the "kids who mom died". They are now part of a much bigger calling-The Superfamily". They will not forget their mom of course, but they will realize in time that there is more to them than what was loss. That was simply a precious seed for a bigger harvest and the world will begin to see what that former pain was able to produce. It has not been easy for them nor for those of us on the outside who had to learn how to patiently walk through this process with them. They are remarkable and I have enjoyed getting to know them and learning to love them but they are growing...soon they will be going...and then gone.

My side of the crew seems to have grown up with me. By 19 years old, I was already a mom and married. They too have been through alot. They have both their parents, but they have also suffered loss. The divorce and custody issues, The loss of stability, the loss of homes, cars, finances, changing schools continuously, loss of friends, The loss of most of their possessions in a fire, the loss of the availability of their mom. But they are no longer lumped into a box as " divorced children, single mom statistic". They've become much bigger and better than what people may have thought they would be. They are the other side of the bigger calling-"The Superfamily". They have made some mistakes, and some screwy adolescent choices, but they have this uncanny tenacity to survive and overcome. They work hard and play harder. When they laugh, its infectious, they are incredible. Before I married again, there was no one I wanted to be with more than them. But they too are growing, going...and soon will be gone.

It seems like I am running out of time. Did I give them everything I could? Do the girls know what type of undergarments to wear under fitted clothing? Will the boys remember to prefer a young ladies right a way when coming in a door? Will they all remember to clean the tub out after a shower? Will Jay learn how to get through an airport by himself? Will they eat balanced meals when I'm not around? Do they know the importance of putting God first? Will they fight fair? Will they put scripture memory verses and prayer requests on whiteboards for their kids? Will they put bleach in white clothes only? When traveling, will they take extra underwear? Will they know not to even consider dating/courting anyone you know off the top you should not marry. ...the list goes on and on and on...

I guess in all fairness, I get the same amount of time as everyone else-24 hours in a day. I am just appreciating the fact that I need to use what's left more wisely. But hey, there is light at the end of the tunnel... when I "hopefully" become a new grandmother years and years down the road...I'll get more time with them (I mean they HAVE to bring them over right?) and I'll also get a new set of "superkids" to teach to clean the tub out after a shower.