|The King and His Daughter Snow...|
Last night I watched a show called Once Upon a Time and as the title indicates…it’s about fairytales..sort of. Yesterday’s episode showed a scene that looked painfully familiar. As I watched it unfold, that icky feeling you get in the pit of your stomach where you see a train getting ready to hit the brick wall, and you know you’re gonna get hit with the residue, but you stand there and watch anyway….and then you bleed and vomit…yeah it was THAT feeling.
Scene: In a flash back.. a King in a formal setting at the palace..big dinner event, all of the people in the land are there. He has remarried Queen Regina (who is now known as the villain of the show) and yet Regina sits alone at a table in the background. Snow White takes centered stage in the throne area with her father, the King as he gushes over her and tells her and everyone present how wonderful she is and how beautiful she is and how much she reminds her of her mother as she was the fairest in all the land…the camera pans to his new wife Regina, sitting out of the scene... and in that one quick moment when I saw her face, I knew that that actress deserved an Oscar.WHY?? I KNOW that face. I’ve made that face. I know "that" feeling.
Contrary to popular belief or misconception, it’s not the feeling of jealousy....look at it...its heartbreak...its a yearning for more. The stepmother (as the Evil Queen evolves to be) is not “wicked” in this scene as she is labeled later. This feeling is that daunting consistent realization that he may have married you…but you are not “her” and no matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how many hoops you jump through, no matter how awesome you really truly are..you will probably never hear your husband say that you are “indeed the greatest thing that has ever happened to me…the fairest in all the land..” if you will. If he does, it will be in a private moment, with no one around, or with a disclaimer, or with him constantly looking over his shoulder to make sure that no one heard him, or without some “explaining” to do later…neither of which compare with an abandoned declaration, security and assurance that every wife wants settled in her heart. If a wife tells you differently, she's probably lying. The Bible says that our desire is to our husbands, that's in biblical order to crave that. To not have that in totality and not become bitter, vindictive or cold and STILL trust God in your marriage takes an overwhelming amount of grace.
Needless to say that the character.. "Regina" is a tad short on grace and ends up in all kind of foolishness all because she did not know what to do and had noone to turn to when her husband screwed up his priorities, disregarded her and her needs. The King is caught between a rock and a hard place, with a deceased wife he wants to always honor and the child he had with her...but its at the expense of the new wife he claims he loves…what would YOU do? There are no two "best". One is and one isn't, it requires a choice.
Second wives, especially those married to a former widower NEED grace. There are some things that you are going to have to settle in your heart for yourself and be ok with. Don't fall into the trap of bitterness. God will and can fill in the blanks, I guarantee it! It is NOT easy; I don’t think it would have been given to me if it were easy. God entrusts me with the hard stuff. Some days are harder than others and sometimes you want to cry and retreat, find another way to be happy rather than explain yourself, once again. But I know a God who is available to us. He is a GREAT companion. He is a very present help in the time of trouble. Call him, he has NO problem declaring his love for you and shouting out to the world through his blessings…that, that one is MINE…I love her completely, there is no one like her and no one can take ever take her place, her design is unique and she is the best to do what Ihave called her to do….She is fearfully and wonderfully made…she is and will always be my number 1.