Monday, June 25, 2012

Who asks questions like THAT??

Almost six years ago in Dunkin Donuts parking lot with a beautiful Princess Cut Diamond and White Gold Ring, His Highness asked me a hard question….”Will you Marry Me”…??  It’s obvious I said yes, and after knowing him almost 10 years..this week marks our 5th Anniversary.  Hard and or sensitive questions are status quo for us now.  It’s a part of who we are as a couple, why?  Because we care enough to cause a little hurt in feelings, for a greater healing in spirit.

So this year’s hard question from me to him was…..

“What about this marriage so far has disappointed you?”

Who asks questions like that?  ME that’s who.  Why?  Because more than I want to have the silly immature illusion that I am a perfect, seamless, wonderful, amazing, faultless, virtuous wife…I want to always operate in truth, even if the truth sucks. 

The bible says that houses and wealth you get from your folks…but a prudent wife is from the Lord.

I love the very first part of the definition of prudent…“having good sense”.  A wife with good sense can asks the hard questions knowing that an atmosphere of phoniness is the breeding ground for failure. I know it’s hard to believe people…but “everything ain’t been wonderful”.  You have to know and operate in truth so that you can do what is necessary in your character to build an environment in your marriage conducive for your spouse to grow and be nurtured in.  

Its sad to see marriages that look “wonderful” on the outside, but when you peel back some layers..wives are afraid of damaging their spouses esteem so they won’t tell him that their temperament, ego or pride is causing a great divide in the house.  Husbands won’t tell their wives, afraid of offending them, that it embarrasses him when she isn’t dressed appropriately or acts loud and brash in public. It isn’t easy, but I will always ask the hard questions and make sure that I keep my ego and pride in check so when my husband has to ask me a hard question, there is grace available to think, not be offended or worry to cause offense and to answer in truth.

Marriages and families (blended or otherwise) cannot grow effectively without having these crucial conversations. If you haven’t had a conversation like this and you have been married over a have some catching up to do.  Don’t let your marriage go on for 7, 10, 20 years without knowing what the little foxes are that have the potential to spoil your vine. Care enough…love enough.. to ask the hard questions.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Shut up and while you're at it- don't hit anyone in the neck with a bat!

“Son, Never miss an opportunity to Shut Up”….-JR Ewing, Dallas..

That is a classic line if I ever heard one.

Just Perfect! I was all set to write a post on instructing others on the biblical principal …Studying to be quiet. I brought up the word document to begin to type and then I get a phone call..and guess what I had to do. SHUT UP. No, I don’t mean simmer down, choose my words carefully or speak sparingly. I mean I had to SHUT UP and fast. Had I not, it would have been some smoke in the city and I would probably have spoken out of disappointment and anger and not have been reasonable. I am so glad that God authenticated the gravity of his Word just that quickly. It further confirms that I continue to share out of experience and NOT from what I heard or that I am mimicking from others.

What does this have to do with step families?? Nothing in this case, but EVERYTHING in general. I've said it before, people have a misconception that everyone gets thrown into a blender, you hit a button and out comes this wonderful blended family smoothie. Uh No. That’s not everyone’s story. More often than not, people although they love each other to a degree, are vying for attention, pushing to be the priority, to feel important, to make sure nothing is being “taken” from them…sometimes at the expense or disregard of others. With all that drama going on….sometimes (not all the time) its best to not miss the opportunity to shut up....pray, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord.  Don't get off center...and don't hit anyone in the neck with a bat (whatever, THAT's just good advice).

I Thessalonians 4:11 scripture says in the Message Bible “to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands.. Grandma said it all the time”baby...mind your own self business..”

I am so glad Dallas is back on..*I see you laughing, skip yall* laugh if you want to..but I learn something everytime I see it. Something about it..just makes me look for the layers..for the lesson…for the revelation and this past was the words of the Rock..Know your role…and shut your mouth. Shhhhhhhh.

*pic courtesy of TNT

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Time to turn this SHIP around...

This picture is worth 1000 words, and it’s interesting that “words” are the culprit for the obvious pain we see.  The power of what we say can deal a defining blow to those we love.  The pain we can cause with our mouth is absolutely mind blowing.  The bible says it simply (paraphrasing) Life and death is in the power of the tongue. Our tongue is like a rudder...guiding the ship of our lives in the direction that we verbalize. We are learning to watch what we say to our children.  We have become mindful of how we talk to our spouse, our co-workers even our neighbors.  


What if the woman in the picture was YOU..and that fist…that tongue…that mouth…was your own?  What if it’s your words to YOURSELF that are defeating you and beating you into the ground at every turn?

You will have what you say. Period.  In order to speak something…your mind has to think it.  Your feet CANNOT go where your mind has not been first. You are steered by your tongue and by the thoughts you think.  

Are you stuck? Have your family or relationship dynamics hit a wall in some area?  Are you feeling defeated in overcoming an obstacle? Do you feel as if someone has their thumb on your future? Are you just simply…down?

Change your mouth....or SHUT UP until you can speak with more positiveness. (Yes, not talking is better than speaking negatively)

Instead of “I am having a bad day today”
Try: “This day is getting better by the hour”

Instead of “This relationship is never going to be right”
Try: “This relationship is going to take work, but all good things are worth working for”

Instead of: “I don’t have what I need”
Try: I am working diligently to get what I need

Instead of: “ I hate my job”
Try:  I am grateful to have employment to meet the needs of my family

Instead of: “I’m an idiot!” (usually said after hitting yourself upside the head)
Try:  If I need wisdom, all I need to do is ask for it and God gives it freely. I am smart enough to know that.

I’m sure you get the picture.  The point is, you are NOT lying to yourself, you are simply training your mind and your mouth to speak toward the good that the Bible promises.  Romans 8:28 says that ALL things work together for the good…sidenote:  there is nothing, absolutely nothing outside of “all”.  So, today in order to turn this ship around... 

I proclaim that I am an awesome spirit being with infinite potential.  The same spirit that raised Christ from the dead; lives inside of me.  I am the head and not the tail. I am above only and not beneath.  I shall have vineyards that I didn’t plant and houses that I didn’t build. every place my foot treads is blessed.  I will have influence and honor in every area. Wealth and riches are in my house and I will build a godly inheritance for my children’s children. I am a Queen in the Kingdom...I am part of a royal priesthood.I walk in the righteousness of Christ, and therefore the children of the righteous are blessed. No matter what I see, no matter what I feel, no matter what is said or unsaid…in every area of my life from this day forward I boldly proclaim that Jesus is Lord.

Your turn.

(photo credit by: adsoftheworld)