Almost six years ago in Dunkin Donuts parking lot with a beautiful Princess Cut Diamond and White Gold Ring, His Highness asked me a hard question….”Will you Marry Me”…?? It’s obvious I said yes, and after knowing him almost 10 years..this week marks our 5th Anniversary. Hard and or sensitive questions are status quo for us now. It’s a part of who we are as a couple, why? Because we care enough to cause a little hurt in feelings, for a greater healing in spirit.
So this year’s hard question from me to him was…..
“What about this marriage so far has disappointed you?”
Who asks questions like that? ME that’s who. Why? Because more than I want to have the silly immature illusion that I am a perfect, seamless, wonderful, amazing, faultless, virtuous wife…I want to always operate in truth, even if the truth sucks.
The bible says that houses and wealth you get from your folks…but a prudent wife is from the Lord.
I love the very first part of the definition of prudent…“having good sense”. A wife with good sense can asks the hard questions knowing that an atmosphere of phoniness is the breeding ground for failure. I know it’s hard to believe people…but “everything ain’t been wonderful”. You have to know and operate in truth so that you can do what is necessary in your character to build an environment in your marriage conducive for your spouse to grow and be nurtured in.
Its sad to see marriages that look “wonderful” on the outside, but when you peel back some layers..wives are afraid of damaging their spouses esteem so they won’t tell him that their temperament, ego or pride is causing a great divide in the house. Husbands won’t tell their wives, afraid of offending them, that it embarrasses him when she isn’t dressed appropriately or acts loud and brash in public. It isn’t easy, but I will always ask the hard questions and make sure that I keep my ego and pride in check so when my husband has to ask me a hard question, there is grace available to think, not be offended or worry to cause offense and to answer in truth.
Marriages and families (blended or otherwise) cannot grow effectively without having these crucial conversations. If you haven’t had a conversation like this and you have been married over a year..you have some catching up to do. Don’t let your marriage go on for 7, 10, 20 years without knowing what the little foxes are that have the potential to spoil your vine. Care enough…love enough.. to ask the hard questions.