This past Easter I had the opportunity to sit still and watch a full length movie with my sister and brother, mom and dad and in-laws...without interruption. It was Not Easily Broken by Bishop Jakes. It was great! No knocks on the door, no phone calls, no texts, no notes under the door, no e-mail, no yells for help from 25 feet away...it was peaceful and I appreciated it. It was so peaceful that I was really able to glean some things from this movie that I may have missed trying to watch it at home. So, I have to believe that it was orchestrated for me to have the serenity needed to get what I was suppose to get from it...and boy did it have layers...
On the surface its your typical marriage gone wrong, tragedy happens, you grow apart, seek solace in others, listen to bad advice, realize you were an idiot, fight for the relationship and win...happy tie it all together ending and voila!! Movie. BUT...(my grandad used to say...there is always a but...) There were other "layers" to the characters of that movie that could each be a book by themselves (even the secondary characters). There was alot of blame to throw around in this movie...but the one angle I will approach is the bad advice and negativity that Clarice recieved from someone she thought she could trust-her mother.
Clarice's mother loved her dearly and her mom was truly a help in Clarice's rehabilitation after a car accident. She stopped everything, moved in and even checked Clarice's attitude when she treated the physical therapist and husband badly when they were trying to start her treatment. However, due to her own past hurts and founded fears-she convinced Clarice to give up on her marriage and protect herself. Her example in front of Clarice has not always been the best either which was proven in a statement that Clarice made "mama, you taught me how to be strong, independent and a survivor but you didn't teach me how to love, how to forgive, how to care and how to take care of my husband and my marriage." You see...in mama's marriage to Clarice's dad there was abuse, hurt, infidelity and bitterness and mama feared that Clarice was going to walk down that same path if she didn't protect herself.
Parents, we have to be sure that we teach our children out of our faith, not our fears. They should absolutely learn from our mistakes and know of our failings, but our instruction should be balanced and full of hope, encouragement and not shrouded in this fear that I was hurt here and so they will be too. Sometime ago I realized that bits and pieces of what I needed to know was missing out of what I knew, or at least of what I remember. There were people that I admired that I began to watch and learn from. I even interviewed ladies that I wanted to adopt characteristics from. There were books I read such as "The art and power of being a lady". (More on that topic later). Prefacing my statements with my kids, with "This happened to me but realize its my reality-not yours". Small steps such as these have helped me to be a little more balanced in my thinking and my training. When I get done, the goal is to have Jordan and Jerica have the grace & giving spirit of Princess Diana and the fight and tenacity of Xenia Warrior Princess. I want them to be a lil' bit June Cleaver, Clair Huxtable and ME.. slap there own personality and twist to it -all rolled into one...and viola! Whew, tall order for two little girls ...ok they are 21 and 12.
I suppose the best thing I can do for them is what I'm doing... #1- give them all I have and remind them that the Spirit of God is available to them to help discern what is the good, acceptable and perfect will of God for there lives....#2 teach them to live life out of their faith...and not out of their fear. #3 live a life before them that's wisely transparent versus fake and pretentious and #4 show love for my husband in front of them to show them how a godly marriage is suppose to look and operate.