Left my beer by the side of the road...

I worked in the audio/video department in my church and this particular Sunday I was responsible for putting the lyrics of the worship songs on the big screen.  While listening to the music of the next song to be sung…I thought I recognized it.  But the worship leader sung something that sounded like….Left my BEER by the side of the road… WHAT???  Although, I guess it would be an ok thing to do-leaving beer that is…just didn’t sound like it was shaping up to the kind of song that we would normally sing in church.  I brought up another screen and begin searching on the internet for a song with those lyrics so if I could type them in as we went.  Nothing came up…not even close.  As the leader kept singing…the screen stayed blank…I had no idea where he was going…and then he got to the chorus of the song….”All I need is you…All I need is you Lord..”

Now this part I knew…but I had no idea that there was more to this song than the chorus which was all that we used to sing.  Secondly, I still couldn’t figure out how “beer” fit into the whole scheme of things.  Later I learned that the verse starts…”left my FEAR by the side of the road…”  OOOkay…making sense now.  Scary for me…not having the lyrics up and thinking our worship leader had lost his mind…BUT it was two GREAT lessons in listening.

1. I MISHEARD what was said.  I know what it sounded like…but that was not what he said.  How many times has our spouse, our kids, our siblings, our parents, our boss said something that WE misinterpreted?  Especially with modern technology…an email or text can be taken all out of context if someone leaves their caps lock on by mistake. By now you should know the rule…REPEAT what you thought you heard and get clarity.  If I had just asked the question..more than likely somebody in the studio had heard the song before and could have told me what it was.  In a conversation, what you may have thought was offensive, may just be frustration that has nothing to do with you.  ASK and REPEAT.

2. I didn’t know that there was MORE to the song than what I had previously heard before.  Anytime you are in a conversation…know that 8 times out of 10 there is more to it than what you are hearing.  Search for the root, dig for motive, keep asking why in new and creative ways. I didn’t know that the chorus had a verse that connected it. Don’t think that a bad day at work for your spouse isn’t connected to his response to you. Don’t view your kids moping as just them being moody…connect the dots.

So the next time you hear about beer on the side of the road…don’t panic….it’s probably just the verse to a chorus that ends up turning out ok.

Funny thing happened at the OB GYN's office today..

I went to my first OB/GYN appointment when I was 17 years old. The conversation was about contraception, understanding your menstrual cycle and how to do a breast exam.  We talked about the beginning of womanhood.

As I got older and started having children, the conversation changed to making sure I ate properly while pregnant, what exercises I could and could not do, understanding the Lamaze method and pre natal vitamins. We talked about the beginning of childbearing.

Today I went to my OB/GYN and the conversation has changed once again.  Now we are talking about about pre-menopausal symptoms, regular mammograms, enduring aches and pains during your cycle and looking at possibilities of future estrogen replacement. We talked about the ending.

The good news is, for a woman to have as many children as I do, my doctor concurs that I look darn good-inside and out.  I could still bear a child safely, if I wanted to -my body could handle it. The bad news is the tenor of the conversation. The scope of the conversation now had to do with an ending…not a beginning. What to watch for when my cycle stops, hot flashes, mood swings... Funny what you can learn while laying flat on your back with your feet in stirrups..you're pretty vulnerable, so you talk and stare up in the ceiling to keep your mind off of what's really going on. 

An assistant noticed my demeanor and asked what was wrong.  I told her about the conversation change to discussing “ending”…she said girl…“every ending IS a beginning”.

She was right.  As a matter of fact, I’ve noticed that in my family as well.  His Highness and I both had to endure a pretty hard endings to previous relationships (death & divorce) in order to have the beginning we have with each other.  I had to end my previous role as the woman in my son’s lives in order to begin a new life that includes grandchildren and daughter in laws. I ended my role as employee of one company to begin a career in another position.  There are endings happening all around us everyday…ending roles, assignments, friendships, relationships, status, influences…but what is coming up the road?It could possibly be a new beginning.  A new way of viewing things, a new life without him or her, a new role in a person’s life, a new lifestyle, a new circle…So don’t mourn the ends in your life for long…turn the page and read the new beginning. I wonder what I'm gonna learn when I get my eyes checked!

I don't mind your mistakes, Just fight for me...

You ignored me

 

You gave me away

You sold me

I fell off a cliff

We got beat up…

The time that this son has spent with his estranged father hasn’t quite been an enriching experience.  Yet, when Max (the 11 year old son) is asked from his father (Charlie) “what does he want from him”…Max says simply….I want you to fight for me.

As the story went, the father did end up fighting for the son both emotionally and physically. The father’s act of bravery brought tears to his son eyes and Max was finally able to see him in a positive light, as a man that he could be proud of.

Our litany of screw ups as parents may not be as severe as Max’s father’s was, however, if we look back over our years of parenting we can certainly come across a laundry list of things that we wish we could re-do.  But out of all of the things we failed at…what our children really want from us are the simple things. They know we have other things on our plates, but they want us to value them and fight for time and memory making events with them.

I know you wanted to be able to take them on a cruise, but a fishing trip at the local river would be ok with them.  You are thinking bigger, better, more, more, more…they are thinking…YOU.  They just want you.  They want your time, your attention, your ears, your laughter, your encouragement, your motivation, your ideas, YOU.

Pray consistently for wisdom so you know how much time to give, when to prioritize, what’s really important and what can wait. I have seen a trip to the gas station singing in the car with my daughter turn into just the connection time we needed. I know you are busy..I understand, my schedule is massive.  But I FIND time and create time to spend with those that matter to me.  Fight for your family and the ties that bind it together…it’s not merely sacrifice-view it as an investment that yields eternal rewards.   

Once Upon a Time...that face...that feeling..

The King and His Daughter Snow...

Last night I watched a show called Once Upon a Time and as the title indicates…it’s about fairytales..sort of.  Yesterday’s episode showed a scene that looked painfully familiar.  As I watched it unfold, that icky feeling you get in the pit of your stomach where you see a train getting ready to hit the brick wall, and you know you’re gonna get hit with the residue, but you stand there and watch anyway….and then you bleed and vomit…yeah it was THAT feeling.

 Scene: In a flash back.. a King in a formal setting at the palace..big dinner event, all of the people in the land are there.  He has remarried Queen Regina (who is now known as the villain of the show) and yet Regina sits alone at a table in the background. Snow White takes centered stage in the throne area with her father, the King as he gushes over her and tells her and everyone present how wonderful she is and how beautiful she is and how much she reminds her of her mother as she was the fairest in all the land…the camera pans to his new wife Regina, sitting out of the scene... and in that one quick moment when I saw her face, I knew that that actress deserved an Oscar.WHY??  I KNOW that face. I’ve made that face. I know "that" feeling.

Queen Regina

 Contrary to popular belief or misconception, it’s not the feeling of jealousy....look at it...its heartbreak...its a yearning for more.  The stepmother (as the Evil Queen evolves to be) is not “wicked” in this scene as she is labeled later.  This feeling is that daunting consistent realization that he may have married you…but you are not “her” and no matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how many hoops you jump through, no matter how awesome you really truly are..you will probably never hear your husband say that you are “indeed the greatest thing that has ever happened to me…the fairest in all the land..” if you will.  If he does, it will be in a private moment, with no one around, or with a disclaimer, or with him constantly looking over his shoulder to make sure that no one heard him, or without some “explaining” to do later…neither of which compare with an abandoned declaration, security and assurance that every wife wants settled in her heart. If a wife tells you differently, she's probably lying.  The Bible says that our desire is to our husbands, that's in biblical order to crave that. To not have that in totality and not become bitter, vindictive or cold and STILL trust God in your marriage takes an overwhelming amount of grace. 

Needless to say that the character.. "Regina" is a tad short on grace and ends up in all kind of foolishness all because she did not know what to do and had noone to turn to when her husband screwed up his priorities, disregarded her and her needs. The King is caught between a rock and a hard place, with a deceased wife he wants to always honor and the child he had with her...but its at the expense of the new wife he claims he loves…what would YOU do? There are no two "best". One is and one isn't, it requires a choice.

 Second wives, especially those married to a former widower NEED grace.  There are some things that you are going to have to settle in your heart for yourself and be ok with. Don't fall into the trap of bitterness.  God will and can fill in the blanks, I guarantee it! It is NOT easy; I don’t think it would have been given to me if it were easy. God entrusts me with the hard stuff. Some days are harder than others and sometimes you want to cry and retreat, find another way to be happy rather than explain yourself, once again.  But I know a God who is available to us.  He is a GREAT companion.  He is a very present help in the time of trouble.  Call him, he has NO problem declaring his love for you and shouting out to the world through his blessings…that, that one is MINE…I love her completely, there is no one like her and no one can take ever take her place, her design is unique and she is the best to do what Ihave called her to do….She is fearfully and wonderfully made…she is and will always be my number 1.