Tuesday, February 2, 2010

What is The State of YOUR Union?

A few nights ago the President gave his State of the Union speech. As most presidents have before him, the speech is a collective annual report of not only the successes of his time in office thus far but it also set the tone and direction for the rest of the year. It usually covers the economic status of the nation, along with the cultural temperament and mood of the constituents and the foreign affairs of our nation.

Before ending the speech, the President gives direction as to where the nation is heading and encourages (or admonishes) with a planned strategy for accomplishing the agenda he has set for the year. The goal is after hearing the report, the nation should have a better idea as to the “state” or condition of the union.

In Marriage, you have to take time at least annually to assess where you are, where you are going and how you are going to get there. You need to retreat to discuss your economic condition, the temperament of the home and what things you are doing outside of the home (“foreign affairs”). You need to know the “State of YOUR union”.

What types of things are you doing to make sure that your union isn’t suffering or being neglected? Could you really sit down right now and give an honest assessment as to where you two are and where you are going? Are you clear as to what the goals are for you as a couple this year (not your family goals, your kids goals, your churches goals, your jobs goals…). Your state of the union directives’ for the year has to be couple (UNION) focused only. The other goals are important, but they are secondary and in some cases tertiary to what you two need to work on as a union. Your union goals may look like:

1. We work on our communication skills by not interrupting each other; spend time daily talking to each other at least 30 minutes (collectively), and not shutting down when the conversation gets difficult.
2. We will plan a quarterly getaway (overnight optional) and one full vacation for us. While away we will not discuss, kids, money, church or family…just us, the Lord and his vision for our marriage.
3. We will not take on any outside commitments (outside of work & home) at church, in the community or with extended family without full understanding of what is required and clearance from the other spouse.

Being a product of corporate America, I handle things corporately. If my hubby isn’t watchful I will have an agenda, powerpoint presentation and handouts when we sit down to talk. But I have learned now to relax and just lay across the bed and go over our goals and issues I may have with understanding where we are. During Valentine’s Day weekend we are scheduled to go on a retreat. A few days to just see where my husband’s head is about us and what’s on his heart about what we as a couple are assigned to do is priceless and worth way more than roses and chocolate. What’s the state of YOUR union? Instead of a dinner this Valentine’s Day...set up a meeting and get your nation under the groove .

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