Gardening in the house

His Highness and I are stepping up our gardening this year.  We started a small garden last year and successfully grew green peppers, banana peppers and the like.  This year we are branching out and planting other fruits and veggies such as greens, watermelons, crowder peas, lettuce and tomatoes.  

Our ground (zone 5) is hard and cold right now.  Our growing season is short comparatively.  Knowing this, it is wise to start your seeds in a planter..grow them inside to prepare them for outside.  You are limited by space in the house of course, but by starting small, you gain an advantage to have a bigger harvest than what you would have if you had waited until the ground was ready.

Step parenting or parenting in general is a major lesson of seed….time….and harvest.  If you wait until your children are “ready” to hear instruction from you or accept your advice or guidance, you have lost prime time in making a difference.  With stepchildren this is even more vital because in some cases, depending on the situation, or due to resentment or family structure you may not be revered as an authoritative voice in their life. BUT that does not preclude you from the lessons you can teach from afar, by example…seedlings.

There are things I do, or don’t do that “teach” all time.  The way I serve my husband, decorate my home, organize my day, plan in advance, what I wear, how I speak, my mistakes, my triumphs..  It may be “small” in that I am not sitting down having a one on one consultation on the do’s and do not’s…but my little actions can speak louder than words.  One day when the “ground is ready” my wisdom, insight, or perspective may be better received and a harvest greater than what would have been realized if my little seedlings had not been planted along the way. Seed...TIME....and Harvest..

Get The Rebound...

The 1989-1990 Detroit Pistons was my most favored sports team of all time. Partly because there were no “stars”. Noone really shined more than anyone else…it was The Detroit Pistons against Larry Byrd and the Celtics, or Magic Johnson and the Lakers…they Pistons were always billed as a team (much like the Superfamily :). The reason I believe that their back to back championship seasons were so successful was due to wisdom of their coach Chuck Daly who put every Pistons in the right role for the right time.

Just recently NBA retired Dennis Rodman was in back in Detroit to retire his jersey number 10. Dennis was a rebound rustler. His job was to get the rebound…Dennis rarely drove the ball down court, or took three point shots. Again, His job was to get the rebound. He was named Defensive Player of year and helped the Pistons get two championship rings by doing what he was designed to do and staying in his lane. Other Pistons may have gotten better stats in points or free throws but that “1” in the win column would not have happened had it not been for Dennis’ role. He was designed to play defense. His job was to get the rebound.

In Stepfamilies, the lines of roles and responsibilities can get blurry. You get a lot of unsolicited, although perhaps well-meaning advice from people who have no clue as to the intricacies of the dynamics you face on a day to day basis. Trying to navigate what others think, and what your role actually is in every separate new relationship in the family is draining, demanding and emotionally strenuous. You cross a line here and get slapped back. You don’t do “enough” here and get criticized behind your back. Its enough to make you want to retreat and mind your own self-business (as grandma would say). I know, because I’ve done it and its an emergency tactic to have to get refocused and hear clearly from God.

Like Dennis, You need to hear from the "coach" to know what you are supposed to do. You may think its shooting, blocking, or dribbling..but you could just be assigned to getting the “rebounds”. ..just picking up pieces…here and there..getting in where you fit in.. Its not as glamorous, but your family will not get one in the win column without your skill set and tenacity. They may not even respect it, but eventually…even if it years later…”your jersey” will rise to the rafters and many will rise and call you blessed.  Be diligent about learning your role and then stay in that lane.  THAT is the only place where there is grace to prosper.  If you veer or get into the roles that others should be doing, you will be operating on your own..and alone is NO place to be if you are running a Superfamily.

What are you putting into your child's MEGAMIND...

What instructions are you giving to your children? Who are you telling them that they are or can become? You may not think your input is important, but it is. The recent family hit movie “MegaMind” does a great job of displaying this theory. In the very beginning the Main character “MegaMind” is being sent by his parents to earth to save him from his exploding planet. When his parents place him in his space tube, they begin to tell him his awesome destiny when the hatch closes prematurely and MegaMind doesn’t hear the whole thing. Fast Forward, he ends up being raised by prisoners, shunned by school mates and determines within himself that he is supposed to be a super villain.

Eventually he learns that he doesn’t “have” to be evil. He learned that he can make different choices. But not before demolishing most of the city, taking over city hall and destroying the citizens way of life.

How many paths of destruction will your child have to stumble down…and how many messes will he or she make before you tell them and convince them of who they are and what they can do? Don’t let the "hatch" close (lines of communication) without letting them know what they are wired to do. This means you have to know your child. You need to know their strengths, their weaknesses and the way that they learn and respond.

In stepfamilies, this is extremely important because in most cases you have at least two parents that are missing from the everyday lives of any children involved that were brought into the marriage. Your job as their parent is to make sure that you don’t abandon this dynamic of your role in your child’s life. You cannot focus so much on blending everything together that you disregard the unique gifts of your children that God charged you with explicitly to nurture and cultivate. You are equipped with a unique perspicacity for your child….regardless of how old they are. Use your gift and sow words of wisdom, power and direction into them as often as you can. Tell them the have the Mind of Christ...which is a MEGAmind indeed!

"YOU Again"

While enjoying a nice afternoon in the nail salon, my daughter and I watched a movie called You Again. It starred Sigourney Weaver, Jamie Lee Curtis as two former high school rivals who daughters also became high school rivals. They meet back up when Jamie Lee Curtis’ son decides to marry Sigourney’s daughter, who again is the rival of his sister.

Wild antics occur when past feelings, hurts, fights and emotions seep to the surface between all four of the old rivals. So much so, that the wedding rehearsal is destroyed and the wedding is called off. Although not quite as planned, cooler heads prevail and *spoiler alert* the wedding goes on. It was near the end of the movie that caught my attention. At the very end..one of the grandmothers, played by Betty White runs into another older woman at the reception and they look at each other with disdain and shout “You Again”. In an “a-ha flashback moment” It is insinuated that this feud started long before the daughters and mothers. It started with the grandmothers and the cycle has been revisited in every generation since.

The movie just served as a reminder to me that negative cycles will reappear in your relationships, your children and their relationships, your job etc.. if you don’t change and modify behavior toward the positive. It is on my worklist to never have face another negative cycle and mumble in submission ugh.. not “You Again”. It is imperative that stupidity I dealt with, faced and fell under...ends with me.