The Unending Quest for Total World Domination

World domination is a goal of mine. It’s right up there with losing 10 pounds and traveling to Milan for fashion week. I’m sure it sounds lofty to some but I suppose that explaining what world domination is to me would help…My father in ministry used to tell us all the time about dominating YOUR world. He would say you are responsible for taking over and mastering of your domain and everything that encompasses your “world”. He’d say (imitating MLK) that if you are a street sweeper, be the best street sweeper the world has ever seen, Sweep streets so well that everyone who sees them will have to take notice and admire the excellence of your persistence and commitment.

So, in my world…”stepworld”..how do you become the best stepfamily there is? How do you measure it? How do you take over and restructure the thought patterns and perceptions of what the general world believes blended families to be? How do you get over the hurdles and heartaches to be an example? How do you dismiss the hurts and wade through the disappointment of what you thought your life would be versus what it actually is? In a word or two, “faith and persistence”. No matter what, keep believing and keep going.

Which brings me to my picture….Pinky and the Brain was one of my favorite cartoons. They were lab mice and Brain’s main purpose in life was total world domination. Every episode was a new feeble attempt at some strategy or plan to take over the world. Pinky, who was a tad less “alert” than Brain would usually be an unwilling accomplice to Brain’s projects and sometimes the cause of it going awry. But no matter how badly the plan failed, when they were put back in their cages- Brain never faltered. This exchange between them was the end of every episode.

Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"

The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."

So after every time a child displays crazy behavior, or treats another sibling badly, or disrespects the authority in the home we keep going. Every time I disappoint my spouse or he treats me poorly, we keep going. Every time lines are drawn in the day to day that display separatism rather than togetherness, we keep going. When you hear or see behavior that yells “you’re not my mom”, “or you’re not my dad”…”or she was better than you” or “you pale in comparison to him”…you keep on going. Draw back for a moment if you must, but regroup, strategize and pursue.

And when the enemy tries to get you to go in another direction and ask you….

So….Superfamily after all of this drama “what are you going to do tonight”?

We can boldly tell him...............

”The same thing we do every night, stupid-Try to take over the world.”

Another arrow shot...

Jay’s gone to school and I am back after a whirlwind 4-5 days of getting him outta here and set up in Oklahoma. It was work but it was it was smooth. Grace and Favor followed us around like a devoted puppy and he has already nailed one job and is looking for another for the weekends and the summer. The family that he is staying with is awesome. The pastors and teachers already love him and gave me their word that they would look out for him. The dean carved out some time of his schedule to meet with us just to see how he was, how he was adjusting and to give us some wisdoms on what to watch for and what to watch out for. It was invaluable! The pastor and his wife took some time to talk with us and took a picture with him. It was a great transition and we could not have done it without family. His biological family, his stepfamily, his church families (new and old) and his extended family all came together to encourage him, love on him and cheer him on.

That’s actually what family is for..one of many things I guess. When you need them most (when you are dealing with a life changing moment) without fail-they are there. When someone dies, when you get married, when you get divorced, when you have a baby, when you go off to school, when you get your first house, when you lose your house, when you get seriously sick, when you are heartbroken, when you have good news, when you are depressed-true family is the tissue passing, hug having, pom-pom waving, protector (keeping away the stupid people) standing guard, praying, fasting and sometimes paying to help you to make it through the issue or live your dream.

At his open house, I watched and marveled at all of those that stopped by. My sister was there hours before it started and jumped in everywhere making it happen and stayed til' the bitter end. So did my mom and dad and brothers. It was amazing and heartwarming as well. There were some who had just gotten back from out of town who came. Some who had 3 other stops to make. Some who came when it was almost over. Some we didn't even expect. We had so much fun. We ate until we were stuffed. The smaller kids played while the older kids watched action movies. The adults laughed, ate and encouraged my husband and I. I was also humbled to see my husband’s family and kids chip in and help. They brought food, gifts and even helped cleaned up. Their very presence really blessed me and Jay as well. Eventually, we had the opportunity to pray over him and Jay had the chance to honor some people that came that meant alot to him.

We will miss him being around, he is one of many arrows that we are preparing and shooting off into the world. His decision to go to school, his tenacity, his diligence and hard work in making it happen affected all of us and we, as his family will never be the same. Rhema will never be the same with a student like Jay on campus and Oklahoma will never be the same having Jay out in the public and in the workforce…. And when he is sent out to the nations, the world will never be the same. Lift up Christ and get em’ saved Jay…that’s what’s up!!

The verse for the day on our blog is fitting for Jaivon and for our entire family...

Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble...

The S on my chest !

Don't upset, hurt or attempt to bring harm to my husband or my children. Nothing will send me flying through the air into your face faster than messing with my people....that's just the way it is. My kids know it, my husband (poor thing) is learning it and those that really know me try to warn those that don't. Since I know in advance that I have the proclivity to smash my foot into the face of anyone that upsets them, I have to strive to be more disciplined, restrained and well-mannered in some areas. I'm getting better...really..I am. But you learn something from conflict. God reveals the idiotic tendencies in others so you know in advance how to handle them. He also shows the short fuse in you, so you can learn to manage it and become more like him. Confession time: Sometimes it takes me 2-3 lessons per issue.

For example, (and this was before we were married) my husband and I were talking on the phone about a serious issue he was having with someone. Someone did something that not just broke his heart-they crushed it into the ground and kicked it to the side like trash. He was devastated and I was angry. On the phone, he is describing to me their "I'm sorry" speech and I am on the other end (discreetly as possible when enraged) pacing , throwing plates and punching walls waiting for him to get to the part where he says something like "and then I picked up a bat and slammed it across their throat". That part never comes. What a guy huh? He just meekly shares his disappointment and his pain and then I had to refocus my anger by praying him through it. It was rough. The next time I saw this person- I had to go in the bathroom and call my sister to keep from literally choking them. Why? Because even then, My husband was mine and what hurt him, hurt me. I knew then that somehow this issue was gonna be a continuous problem. We worked through that and even though he struggled awhile, his tenacity won out and he got back on his feet again and was healed of the hurt. He was ok, so I was ok.

Not less than a year later, this same person hurt him again. The same type of crap... yeah crap. (I tried to think of a better word, but none came so there it is...) No regard for him, his feelings, his heart on anything my husband had done to and for this individual. Not thinking, just grab heart, smash to floor, keep walking-hope you can deal with it. Furious does not come close to describing what I felt. My soon "to be" husband was blank. Literally blank. I had never seen him like that before. It wasn't depression or hurt or anger. Those I can handle and have a scripture or two for each...but blank? I didn't have anything for that. He was here, but not here. His mannerisms were listless, he seemed distant, sad and just minimally functioning in his day to day. My first thought was to jump in the car and run the person over that hurt him and tell God that they tripped and fell and I didn't see them...and then repent and Praise God for the victory....After about an hour of planning it out-I guessed that it may not work....and went to see John instead. After awhile...a longer while...we worked through it. Limping, but we made the best of it. Is there a pattern here or a lesson that I am missing God? I was telling a friend of mine about this and how I was struggling to handle this right. She was like no problem, I'll pray-but you are doing good...you have really grown...the old you would have punched them clear in the mouth by now..I was like hmmm...wow she's right..I can't believe it either...hmmm.

A year later...( you know what's coming don't you-I know...I know...you think I'm kidding, but I'm not) This same person/situation rears it head again and causes confusion. But now...we're married. My home is in turmoil. All bets are off. I am no longer trying to impress John with how nice and calm and rational I can be. The S on my chest is burning, cape is flying and heads are gonna roll. There is no excuse for us to be blindsided by this again. Somebody has to step up. Boundaries need to be set. From now, on they get this far and no farther. As for me, that rule still stands. John is extremely more gracious and lenient. Somebody has to offset my extremes. I am now always on guard; always watching, always protecting, always listening, always praying....and THAT"s what God wanted from jump. He was showing me early of how a situation can brew and plant a negative seed and if let unchecked, what could happen when you let the walls of your home become open to any kind of spirit or influence. The enemy can destroy your peace. In other words, don't be a punk girl, guard your home, guard your marriage, guard your kids. I gave them to you, so protect them, stand guard because they are your valuables.

I get it; concerning them I mean. I am learning that the old adage is true. Joyce Meyer says it all the time: Hurting people, hurt people. They are/were hurt. The enemy was using them to make everyone around especially us a victim of their bad decisions. Not me, not anymore. I'm sorry that they hurt and I pray they work through it however, now-lesson learned- I've got my hand to the brow looking out. Not just at them, but anything or anybody that comes with garbage, negative influences or drama. Not having it. I manage my relationship with them cautiously. I do not allow them to manipulate, use or manage me. The S on my chest does stand for Superwife/mom...but God also showed me that it stands for SOLDIER. He was teaching me that I may not have to fight hand to hand anymore (although I will keep an old school alley beat down tuned up as a viable option should God call upon it ) but I will always have to fight spiritually against evil principalities and God knows as He empowers me, humbles me and teaches me- I'm game....bring it on!

Scars from a Big Wheel

My husband and I have the best goddaughter in the world. Yup, I'm braggin' on her because she is the most considerate, hardworking and humble young lady that I have met in a long time. Even when she found herself in error-she listened, humbled herself, learned and moved on. She is the mother of an adorable, incredibly smart two year old and when I see them together I think about when I was a single mom and how much further along she is than I was. I can't think about it too long before tears will well up in my eyes. I am so grateful that she learned early that making consistently stupid, out of the will of God mistakes doesn't delete the first mistake. It just amplifies it and sows seed and cycles of rebellion and discord in your life. I didn't quite catch on as fast as she did and I paid dearly. But now...she doesn't have to pay....as much.



I told the kids when they were younger that "I got this scar on my knee by running my big wheel into a tree. Now kids, you run YOUR big wheels in to the tree and see what happens." They were like..."NO....I will hurt myself"..I said "how do you know that?" My daughter said, "cause look at YOUR knee." They GOT it! You don't have to make the same mistakes to see if those errors will cause havoc. You can look at the damage and scars of my knee and know that running a Big Wheel into a tree is probably not a great idea. Look at the battle scars of someone else that has gone through what you are facing, ask and learn. Early on, our goddaughter (after some urging from my husband) did that...and she is now, with some great decisions and grace, living a supernaturally blessed life.



I get to share and teach her "mommy" stuff. You know, like how to balance life and single motherhood and how to take care of yourself. I also share simple mother wisdoms that teach her priority, character and sacrifice like-"never go out the house with your child looking dirty, raggedy and uncared for while you are dressed to the nines". Or how as a mom and an example now, your persona, attire and your conversation has to mature. I didn't know she even really valued those things I told her until once when she was bringing the baby over, she called me ahead of time while driving in the car to tell me why she didn't have time to comb the baby's hair..(she was excused... :-). Mind you, she has a great mom and sisters. I am usually just another confirming voice.


My husband gets to share with her practical things like making the right job choices and how to invest and manage your 401k. She was having issues with adjusting to being a manager and getting the respect she needed to perform properly and he helped her wade through it. They talk about what she will major in her master's program and how she can use it later. She is getting ready to buy her first home and he has been sharing with her about what to look for and where. He shares parenting things with her from a dads perspective and he also brings down the hammer of correction when he sees her being too leinient with the baby, getting run down and tired or not spending time for herself.


The key to all of this is...she respects what we know..she shares, she asks and she listens. We got a card from her yesterday that was so heartfelt. It was just a gift from God in timing. An awesome woman had just shared with me that she felt led to tell me that we would have more children (maybe not natural) to lead and teach. I believe, Our goddaughter is one of those people.


As parents, (bio, step, grand, godparents, or spiritual parents) our jobs include teaching, training, discipling and encouragement. When we look at their lives we want to be able to see glimpses that "they listened", "they heard", "they got it", "they are better", "they are wiser". There is a season (for some) that your kids think you know absolutely nothing, don't panic-its just folly-or as I say in modern english terms "short term mild brain damage"...it will pass. But as opportunities re-present themselves-give it to them again with both barrels. You will have to be transparent to a degree. You may have to open up a bit and show them the past hurts. Share, teach, show, disciple, and share some more...Show them your scars from the big wheels of life. It may help them to avoid that gigantic tree up ahead.