Welcome toThe Superfamily 13

Once Upon a Time...that face...that feeling..

2012-01-30T22:24:00.000-05:00

The King and His Daughter Snow...

Last night I watched a show called Once Upon a Time and asthe title indicates…it’s about fairytales..sort of. Yesterday’s episode showed a scene thatlooked painfully familiar. As I watchedit unfold, that icky feeling you get in the pit of your stomach where you see atrain getting ready to hit the brick wall, and you know you’re gonna get hitwith the residue, but you stand there and watch anyway….and then you bleed and vomit…yeah it wasTHAT feeling.

Scene: In a flash back.. a King in a formal setting at thepalace..big dinner event, all of the people in the land are there. He has remarried Queen Regina (who is now knownas the villain of the show) and yet Regina sits alone at a table in the background.Snow White takes centered stage in the throne areawith her father, the King as he gushes over her and tells her and everyone present how wonderfulshe is and how beautiful she is and how much she reminds her of her mother asshe was the fairest in all the land…the camera pans to his new wife Regina, sitting out of the scene... andin that one quick moment when I saw her face, I knew that that actress deservedan Oscar.WHY?? I KNOW that face. I’ve madethat face. I know "that" feeling.

Queen Regina

Contrary to popular belief or misconception, it’s not thefeeling of jealousy....look at it...its heartbreak...its a yearning for more. The stepmother (as theEvil Queen evolves to be) is not “wicked” in this scene as she is labeled later. This feeling is that daunting consistentrealization that he may have married you…but you are not “her” and no matterwhat you do, no matter what you say, no matter how many hoops you jump through,no matter how awesome you really truly are..you will probably never hear yourhusband say that you are “indeed the greatest thing that has ever happened tome…the fairest in all the land..” if you will. If he does, it will be in a private moment, with no one around, or witha disclaimer, or with him constantly looking over his shoulder to make surethat no one heard him, or without some “explaining” to do later…neither ofwhich compare with an abandoned declaration, security and assurance thatevery wife wants settled in her heart. If a wife tells you differently, she's probably lying. The Bible says that our desire is to our husbands, that's in biblical order to crave that. To not have that in totality and not become bitter, vindictiveor cold and STILL trust God in your marriage takes an overwhelming amount ofgrace.

Needless to say that the character.. "Regina" isa tad short on grace and ends up in all kind of foolishness all because she did notknow what to do and had noone to turn to when her husband screwed up his priorities, disregarded her andher needs. The King is caught between a rock and a hard place, with a deceased wife he wantsto always honor and the child he had with her...but its at the expense of the new wife he claims he loves…what wouldYOU do? There are no two "best". One is and one isn't, it requires a choice.

Second wives,especially those married to a former widower NEED grace. There are some things that you are going tohave to settle in your heart for yourself and be ok with. Don't fall into the trap of bitterness. God will and can fillin the blanks, I guarantee it! It is NOT easy; I don’t think it would have beengiven to me if it were easy. God entrusts me with the hard stuff. Some days areharder than others and sometimes you want to cry and retreat, find another way to be happy rather than explainyourself, once again. But I know a Godwho is available to us. He is a GREATcompanion. He is a very present help in thetime of trouble. Call him, he has NOproblem declaring his love for you and shouting out to the world through hisblessings…that, that one is MINE…I love her completely, there is no one like her and noone can take ever take her place, her design is unique and she is the best to do what Ihave called her to do….She is fearfully and wonderfully made…she isand will always be my number 1.

The Superfamily Visits The Holocaust Museum

2012-01-25T20:50:00.002-05:00

I have an unyielding respect for the Jewish culture..outside of fact that they are God's beloved..their tenacity, work ethic, sense of family and business is unmatched by any other race of people. We visited the www.HolocaustCenter.org.; which is America's 1st freestanding Holocaust Museum. Just in the opening timeline mural and section where the Jewish culture began (with Abraham) was enough to keep you enthralled. I still had more questions and things I wanted to read more about. I learned so much and was reminded of some things too...such as not using the term "ghetto" so loosely, now that I remember where it really came from. The whole tour and our guide was AMAZING. The kids that went with us were just as engaged...when we walked out...we had no idea we had just spent 4 hours there..

They burned thousands of books of the Jewish culture..There are thousands of books that we haven't seen and authors we haven't heard of because of this. It is said that a people that will burn books will eventually burn people...and that is EXACTLY what happened.

Depiction of a family sitting down for regular sabbath dinner...when they get a knock on the door saying they have 2 hours to be prepared to leave for the concentration camps. They know that meant a place of no return. They would be told that they were going to be showered..which was how Nazi's tricked Jews into getting into these large tanks...they were told that they would be showered...but instead they were gassed and killed.

The Mezuzah was a piece of parchment with scripture that was kept in a fancy case like this and put over the doorpost to fulfill the command in Deuteronomy.

This is known as the portrait of evil..this annoyed me to no end..this picture is HUGE..Its from floor to ceiling...probably the biggest thing in the museum. His evil demonic presence is still sensed. His decision to hate the Jews to this day cannot be explained except that he may have blamed them for losing the war.

This was a DETROIT paper that buried the story of 2 million being put to death on the 3rd or 4th page of the paper on top pf a jewelry ad..DISRESPECT at its highest level...it was like they were NOBODY...2 MILLION (just in THAT particular story) people and nobody said a WORD.

My Favorite section...I could have spent all day here looking at the Torah shown above...also note the "pointer"...Jews did not touch the Holy Scriptures...they felt that that even the words were Holy. It took over a year for ONE of these to be written...they were done by HAND. They also had a replica of the ark of the covenant and Shofars..just an awe inspiring exhibit.

Symbols of evil (once a Japanese tantric and Buddhist symbol)...the flag and its symbol is known universally now as a the sign of hatred, prejudice and death!

The DEARBORN (Michigan) paper writes an article discussing the Jewish Question.. It is defined as " a neutral expression for the negative attitude toward the apparent and persistent singularity of the Jews as a people against the background of the rising political nationalisms" . It was sort of a Code Word. To this "Problem"...a solution was created...dubbed "The Final Solution"-the systematic extermination of the Jewish people-known to us as The HOLOCAUST.

Their people today call themselves SURVIVORS...not victims. Its that survivors mentality that has served the Jewish people well...a large percentage own businesses, are educated, family oriented, and are religiously grounded. They have not only survived...they have THRIVED...

The Superfamily will continue to pray for the peace of Israel..as commanded by scripture...there is a blessing in blessing an incredible people of God.

Adjusting the spiritual DNA...

2012-01-22T07:42:00.000-05:00

We chose the Superman colors for obvious reasons...but of course I needed to study the colors and find out other meaning or insinuations that the colors represent. I wanted to be certain that these colors on our crest reflect UP. These colors have now become a part of our spiritual DNA.

The colors Deep Red (Sanguine)stands for many things but we chose the blood of Christ. His Highness wanted it expressed that we werea family that was blood bought. We wantour heirs to know that if it had not been for the shed blood of Jesus Christ,no remission of sin would be possible.

The Blue color (Sapphire) represents royalty,power, and authority. We believe that we are a chosen generation and a royalpriesthood. We want our children and ourgrandchildren and their grandchildren to know who they are and WHOSE theyare.

Lastly the GOLD (Aurum) symbolizes excellence, purityand wealth. In other words, do what youdo with all excellence as unto the Lord, keep your hands clean (do it withintegrity and honesty) and be a generation that understands, studies andperpetrates wealth (not just riches).

The four POWER words for the Superfamily are “clockwise”Wisdom, Creativity, Insight and Prosperity. The cycle or order is even symbolic.

Wisdom is the principal thing. The Bible teaches that. When you have sought the Wisdom of God in anyarea (family, business, ministry parenting…anything!!) you will need creativityto do what you do with distinction and excellence. Next is insight..in order tohave continued success you must have insight (which is “CLEAR perception”) onhow things are going. We want our family to always assess themselves…always behonest with where they are and how they can improve. With wisdom, creativityand insight working…prosperity (favor, wealth, influence, health) can behandled and shared with maturity…and then the cycle continues.

That in a nutshell is the meaning behind our crest...there is still the sword, the shield itself and the helmet which I am getting more information on as I study further. I know what we want it to mean...but God is revealing SO much more...what an exciting journey...

Thanks for giving me these last few posts to publish this for my family. I want this to always be available to them so they know who they are, what they can do and what has been spoken over them!

Starting next week...The Superfamily goes to the Holocaust Museum and family organization techniques that I used to set the tone for this year!

Blog Break-GET MOTIVATED

2012-01-19T20:00:00.001-05:00

Yes, we are still covering the background for the Superfamily coat of arms this month, but I needed to share this after stumbling across some notes.

Going through my notebooks for 2011 I came across my notesfrom the “Get Motivated” Seminar I attended. I don’t remember sharing them on my blog. I believe I initiallythought…they were more business related versus family oriented. But in reviewing them, some of the principlesthat govern stable businesses are relevant for families as well. There is no corporation more strategic,valuable and intricate than a family. The added dimension of the complexities of a blended family rival thatof merging two major conglomerates!

So review these nuggets with your family AND your businessin mind. I hope something is recorded inthem that will help you build and develop your strategic plan for 2012!

During the time of change and disruption, seek and you will find opportunity.

Take on the tough assignments.

Be easy to manage, stay humble, meek and learn how to accept bad news.

It may take several attempts to achieve success.

Build your personal value and know what value add you bring to the table. [In nana's words you gotta be more than breath and britches]

People from the the 2^nd top country in this world wishes they were here with your opportunity.

Even if you win the rat race, you are still a rat. Keep the main thing, the main thing.

Work diligently to restore relationships. The crime problem is directly related to the father-son problem. This is why in the Jewish culture you find less of their young men in jail. Fathers in their culture, verbally bless their children often.

“Why” is often more important than “how”. Understand motive and any “how” will do.

What are you willing to do EVERY single day of your life?

Keep it simple. Meet the customers’ need, make a profit. Business 101.

If you finish last in medical school…you are still called doctor. So don’t be discriminate and think just degreed individuals are the brightest bulb in the pack. In 2010 93.9% of all billionaires in world never even finished college and if they did it wasnt until after they were wealthy. Wisdom is the principal thing, you can learn from anyone.

W.I.N. “What’s Important Now”??

First we will be the best, and then we will be first.

Failure=succeeding at the wrong thing.

Lastly…raise your hand as high asyou can (no, actually do it) …now raise it higher! Why didn’t you do that at first?? Because we always hold “something”back. Fear and vulnerability keeps us from always giving our best. Conquer fear, be strong and courageous. The worst that can happen is that you stay where you are...but what if you actually achieve...all...or maybe even 2 of the things that you are dreaming of. Ok, put your hand down…and make your plans2012! Its NOT too late to get motivated.

Sweet "13"

2012-01-15T20:12:00.003-05:00

13??? This throws some people off...not sure why- its simple, Superfamily started with 13 people. Myself and my husband, his six kids and myfive kids..which equals 13. We havein-laws and grandchildren now that are added as a part of the family, however theSuperfamily core started with the 2 plus 11. We became a family unit on June 30^th2007 and whereas my husband and I symbolized our union with a covenant agreement the family symbolized our union by taking communion together. Its like the 12 tribes of Israel…that number“12” never changes even though the descendents of Israel are now too numerousto number. Israelites just let youknow…I’m of the tribe of Judah. So I guess our Great grandchildren will saythat they are of the tribe of Jerica… Jason?? You get the point.

What’s interesting is that although the 12 tribes werelooked at as a unit called “The Children of Israel” (for us its the Superfamily), each tribe had its owndistinction based on the giftings and talents of the founding member of that tribe. For example, the most well-known two are thetribes of Levi and the tribe of Judah. The Levitical tribe is where the priests came from and the Tribe ofJudah is known for the “praisers”. Ifyou were of the tribe of Levi…your expectations were that you would have anempowerment to carry the office of priest. You lived it, you were preparing for it. The tribe of Judahwas the same. If you were a child thatwas a descendant of Judah, it was expected that you knew how to usher in thepresence of God with spiritual songs and praise. But EVERY tribe had theblessing of Abraham.

Each of our children carry a uniqueness that is definedby the calling and gifting of myself, my husband and what God has called themto do individually. However, there are some empowerments, anointings andblessings that we are speaking over them and into them that they are to spreaddown into their “tribe”.

Think about it: What are you telling your children that they are and what they can do?What are you speaking in their spirit and having them say out of their mouths? Whatblessing are you preparing as a legacy for them and your heirs?? Don't just rattle off something..fast/pray about it and turn it over for awhile and then when God gives the green light on your proclaimation..start ta' speaking!

Who are we..and WHY??

2012-01-12T07:59:00.000-05:00

For those that have followed us for awhile, you will notethe new mast head with the Superfamily Coat of Arms/Crest in the corner. His Highness and I worked diligently aboutevery detail of the crest. We decided onevery color, every picture, every word, each symbol…everything. What you see is a finished product of a lotof prayer, compromise and creativity..which in essence is what the Superfamilyis about. I am publishing this to giveyou a glimpse into what the crest is about and cause you to think of what yourfamily represents. More importantly, Iwant this be available to those in our family that come after us as a testamentof what our ‘walk” should look like.

To the 13 and beyond…now hear this and tell your children and those you choose to marry-we are NOT common, ordinary, run ofmill people. We are not like everyoneelse. Everywhere we go our presence dominates a room, not just because there’sa lot of us…but because there is a light that goes before us. It’s in our laughter, our gestures, they waywe look out for each other. Understand, you are not “better” than others perse’…you are simply anointed. Individually, we are unique and valuable; BUT togetherwe are a dominating mighty force of wisdom, creativity, insight and prosperity. Never take that for granted.

Now to the crest...The Superman “S” of course stands for our new "family" name. When we combined in 2007, we were no longerjust the Stephens, Jamerson’s or Anderson’s. No one name encompassed everything andeverybody fairly, so I asked God for a new name. Along with our “super” size, it takessupernatural favor, wisdom, insight, and patience in order to manage and be apart of our family. I also felt I needed a cape in order to keep up with all ofthe demands that were dropped on us running a conglomerate called“family”. So Superfamily…definitelyfits. We’ve got people that want to“apply” to be in our family, because of what they see on the surface. However, we can tell you…it’s not foreveryone. There is an empowermentnecessary to blend as a family successfully…we’ve been at it for years andaren’t “there” yet.

So let that be encouragement to those of you that are incomplex families. 1. Don’t allow anyone to tell you how long itshould take to blend. Noone knows-period. Every family dynamic isdifferent and blending successfully looks different depending on your point ofreference. 2. Also, look at your family characteristics, yourtalents, abilities and things that both families do well or your“opposites”…somewhere in there you may find the purpose for why God brought youtogether. 3. Look for ways to unite the family. It could be a crest, a picture,a tradition or a moniker that everyone knows. Where there is unity, there isstrength.

Stay tuned for whatthe colors stand for…and the #13!

Authentic Assessment of EPIC FAILS

2011-12-30T20:47:00.001-05:00

During this time of reflection we get caught up in the laundry list of everything that was absolutely wonderful about the year…eh..nice, feel goodish..cool for a "swell your chest up" look what I did moment, but without balance its' ineffective at real personal growth. 2012 is a year of divine order so pat yourself on the back if you must, but balance it with truth about what really didn’t go well, so you can be ready.

Me? I have had MAJOR EPIC FAILS this year. Things, projects, people that I wasted time energy and resources on that should have been handled differently. Other things that I should have devoted more time to that I threw by the wayside. I could have done more, way more. For instance…..

I did a theater production this year..it was almost a 2 month run, it was good! But there were many auditions I turned down, and I shouldn’t have. I turned down teaching a girls group class because I thought I should be doing something else. I shouldn’t have-FAIL. (Lesson: things that I enjoy and can do now that my children are older, should not be sacrificed out of fear, guilt for people that don’t notice or things that don’t matter..My God given gifts will no longer be unemployed)

This year I had to admit that a project that I gave much energy into has yielded very poor results and I kept pouring more energy into it-FAIL (Lesson: Make honest assessments earlier in the game. When something reveals itself as a dead end..you should believe it. There are other doors, and God’s promise is that he will open up a window. Look for opportunities everywhere and outside of the box that others put you in. Quit wasting time spinning in circles with intimidation-look for confidence and sow into it.)

Yes, I took my daughter to Chicago and to see Wicked as promised….but what about all the weekend trips to the mall, movies and lunch at our favorite place that have been canceled..not so good. Or her last band performance of the year that I missed to race across town to help someone who really didn’t need my help after all. EPIC FAIL-ooooThis one still burns me up...I digress (Lesson: Family first period. This was me and my husband’s consistent confession since 2007 and we’re going back to it. Everything and everyone else, simply secondary.)

Nope, this isn’t as fun as ooo I got a new car or a new job this year! But whatever.. my car is good..but it won’t get me to the next level. Its only by being honest with me, God and everyone around me that I can truly grow. I can do this all night…gotta a list of about 16 so far. I care enough about my kingdom assignments (ministry, books, teaching, training), my husband, my kids and my friends to do this so I can be a better ME. Take time this weekend and make a true assessment. Ask your friends…no, not the ego strokers- I mean the straight up ones that know you, that you trust and that trust you..that will say frankly..”you suck at this, this and this and you need to do better. Listen, really listen, pray and work on a strategy to change. Let’s put 2012 in divine order starting with YOU.

Strategy...plan....list ...HOW?? Stay tuned for the Superfamily's final blog post of the year on tomorrow along with an exciting announcement!!

Tribulation worketh patience…and both are annoying

2011-10-28T22:57:00.001-04:00

The Superfamily is finally back into our house, but it’s still far from being our home. We still have boxes everywhere! We are going through the process of going through each box to determine what goes and what stays. I view this as a fresh start, a new beginning…a chance to rid ourselves of the old and look forward to the new. Ideally, this would be a good exceptthe process is painstaking. If this was just my home, over 80% of these boxes would not have made it back in the door from the restoration people. Why? If you haven’t seen it, worn it or use it in 2 years you don’t need it, chances are you are merely accumulating it with the fear that no more is coming. Fear is a horrible, inconsistent motivator. I've seen for years what the poverty mentality does to people and it’s sad. Remember, It doesn’t matter whether you have “money” or not, the mentality of being poor is worse than actually being poor. Message to others: Learn to let things...GO.

That’s a difficult principle to teach especially in a blended family. Every piece of paper, all 4,954 photos, every other stitch of clothing reminds someone on one side or the other of what their life USED to be. In order for us to get to where I believe God is calling us, that can no longer be the focus or driving force behind every decision. A memory maybe…the focus…no. Whereas I have worked hard over the years to get to the place that the most important memories I have aren’t captured in a book or something material…they are captured in my heart and in my spirit…I learn daily that everyone hasn’t gotten there yet nor do they view it at the same level of importance.

So in the interim, I live in clutter and there MUST be extra grace being applied from God for me to deal with it, because people that know me “for real for real” know that this stuff (mine, his, hers, there's EVERYBODY's) would have been on the curb weeks ago and my house would have been cleaned, organized and decorated for Thanksgiving. What is this teaching me…patience? Well, Tribulation worketh patience…and BOTH are annoying. But I will need patience to become the multipreneur that I am working to be. I will need patience to edit my 2nd and 3rd book simultaneously. I will need patience to work on this TV pilot project. I will need patience to continue to go to work everyday and seek out new and different things to learn. I will need patience to sow wisdom into my lil’ heirs. I will need patience with myself to forgive me when I screw up and when I don’t have enough patience with others. There is hope...in the very next verse that I reference above..patience brings experience (or character) and experience reaps hope! Character and hope are excellent fruit of learning how to wait...so I believe I'll just teach by example, sit still and wait right here....bouncing my leg up & down and tapping my fingers feverishly :).

Its' all gotta go....

2011-07-01T21:15:00.002-04:00

As most of you know (if you follow me on FB or Twitter)The Superfamily just recent had a fire in our home. No one was hurt and nothing of any real value was damaged (no major structural damage etc..). However, even after the fire dept aired the house out with “superfan”, the house still smelled of burned plastic and smoke. Although the fire was contained to the basement, its effects permeated to every lower level bedroom as well as up to my bedroom on the main floor to the kitchen, living room, dining room and bathroom. In short, the whole house was contaminated because of a small fire in a contained location.

The insurance company has set us in a several hotel suites and the family is doing ok, terribly inconvenienced but ok. But the house is another story. The professional restoration people has practically wiped my home out. They have taken everything from the pictures that were on the wall to every VCR tape we had in the house. All the furniture, tables, chairs, beds, dressers, clothes, shoes, washer, dryer, pots, pans, vases…EVERYTHING was packed in a box to be cleaned offsite and brought back after renovation.

I had a tough time with this. It seemed a bit overboard and it was inconveniencing me even further. I had to go buy pans & pots to cook with at the hotel for goodness sake. It seemed to me that as long as the basement was cleaned, the rest of the house should be fine. But the professionals knew better. They knew that after the reconstruction, the painting, the cleaning of carpet, washing on walls and every crevice of the basement was not enough to ensure that my home would smell appropriately and not continue to push smut though the air from one room to the next…. They HAD to take out everything that was touched by smoke, take it away and clean it. In so many words they told me, its all gotta go. At one point I went and sat in my living room and cried. I spent four years designing the walls and finding the perfect B & W photos, finally picking out furniture and making a pretty big house a warm home. To see it all in shambles, dirty, smelly and boxed away was overwhelming. To know my family had to scramble to find a few day’s worth of clothes and my husband lost rest and time having to handle the business of this was more than I could take. Angry wasn’t the word. I should be studying for a play, finishing my book and helping to plan a wedding, not hauling clothes and food in my car to 4 different hotel rooms. However, the professionals also told me that when they return the items, they will look like new and the smell of smoke will not be on them anywhere. Hmmm...that's an upside...

Somebody out there has some things in their heart that were ruined by poor relationships, a torrid past or bad decision making. My advice to you…its all gotta go. Give it all to God and allow him to make it all brand new. You will be inconvenienced for awhile, but when He begins to restore you to your rightful place…you will be like new again. So sit in the living room and cry, like I did if you must…but please know DON’T’ keep the damage hidden from the Lord. Expose your hurts, your disappointments and your desires to Him and let him restore to you the joy of your salvation. But first…its all gotta go.

Why am I given so much to do!!

2011-06-21T10:34:00.000-04:00

About a week ago I had lunch with an acquaintance of mine..for no other reason but to get re-acquainted. There was no pretense or agenda…just two women getting together at Meriweather’s (A GREAT place to eat by the way) to eat, laugh, talk and eat some more. For that reason, expectations were low. I didn’t expect to come away with any thought provoking revelations..just eat & have a good time with her. However, revelatory knowledge is available everywhere if you look for it.

Not even sure how we got on the subject, but we begin talking about the parable of the talents from the account in bible & my lunch guest brought out something I knew…but needed to be reminded of. In the parable the master gave three servants “talents”. The 1st got 5, the 2nd received 2 and the 3rd got 1. When the master returned to see how the servants had fared with the talents the first two both doubled their talents so the 1st had 10 and the 2nd now had 4. The 3rd servant was afraid to do anything or try anything daring or new and he decided to bury his talent and presented the master with the 1 talent that he initially gave him. Now I know this story. I have heard it since I was a little girl but it was the next part that I had always overlooked. The master then dogged out the servant with the one and gave it to the servant who had doubled 5 into 10. Why is that interesting?? Well, why didn’t he give it to the one who had doubled 2 into four since he had less than the 1st servant? Why didn’t he give the servant another chance? Then my guest said something that opened my eyes to why I have the schedule, giftings, talents, abilities, dreams, desires, assignments, tasks and jobs that I have.

God has entrusted me with more, because I have handled more and doubled it. I am not afraid to try something new or do something different than anyone else. Even with the responsibilities I already have, I am always seeking how to maximize moments and take things to the next level. So writing a book, winning a beauty pageant, raising five children, working full time, remarrying and now managing a superfamily is good, actually it’s darn good. But now God has seen the fruit of those areas and now there is more to do. So add writing more books and creating conferences and workshops, developing a business, volunteering at the Junior League, stepping up responsibilities at work, traveling, exposing my children to more, different & better, planning weddings and events, developing legacy opportunities for my grandchildren and acting in Community Theater are the next layer. So the next time I ask …Lord why me? I will check myself HARD. I have it to do, because I have been faithful over a few things (not always….but eventually). I have it to do because I can handle it (even through frustration, I get it done). I have it to do because I am not afraid and Lord instead of always asking YOU for double….my goal is to bring YOU back double.

Gardening in the house

2011-04-25T11:05:00.001-04:00

His Highness and I are stepping up our gardening this year. We started a small garden last year and successfully grew green peppers, banana peppers and the like. This year we are branching out and planting other fruits and veggies such as greens, watermelons, crowder peas, lettuce and tomatoes.

Our ground (zone 5) is hard and cold right now. Our growing season is short comparatively. Knowing this, it is wise to start your seeds in a planter..grow them inside to prepare them for outside. You are limited by space in the house of course, but by starting small, you gain an advantage to have a bigger harvest than what you would have if you had waited until the ground was ready.

Step parenting or parenting in general is a major lesson of seed….time….and harvest. If you wait until your children are “ready” to hear instruction from you or accept your advice or guidance, you have lost prime time in making a difference. With stepchildren this is even more vital because in some cases, depending on the situation, or due to resentment or family structure you may not be revered as an authoritative voice in their life. BUT that does not preclude you from the lessons you can teach from afar, by example…seedlings.

There are things I do, or don’t do that “teach” all time. The way I serve my husband, decorate my home, organize my day, plan in advance, what I wear, how I speak, my mistakes, my triumphs.. It may be “small” in that I am not sitting down having a one on one consultation on the do’s and do not’s…but my little actions can speak louder than words. One day when the “ground is ready” my wisdom, insight, or perspective may be better received and a harvest greater than what would have been realized if my little seedlings had not been planted along the way. Seed...TIME....and Harvest..

Get The Rebound...

2011-04-04T20:56:00.000-04:00

The 1989-1990 Detroit Pistons was my most favored sports team of all time. Partly because there were no “stars”. Noone really shined more than anyone else…it was The Detroit Pistons against Larry Byrd and the Celtics, or Magic Johnson and the Lakers…they Pistons were always billed as a team (much like the Superfamily :). The reason I believe that their back to back championship seasons were so successful was due to wisdom of their coach Chuck Daly who put every Pistons in the right role for the right time.

Just recently NBA retired Dennis Rodman was in back in Detroit to retire his jersey number 10. Dennis was a rebound rustler. His job was to get the rebound…Dennis rarely drove the ball down court, or took three point shots. Again, His job was to get the rebound. He was named Defensive Player of year and helped the Pistons get two championship rings by doing what he was designed to do and staying in his lane. Other Pistons may have gotten better stats in points or free throws but that “1” in the win column would not have happened had it not been for Dennis’ role. He was designed to play defense. His job was to get the rebound.

In Stepfamilies, the lines of roles and responsibilities can get blurry. You get a lot of unsolicited, although perhaps well-meaning advice from people who have no clue as to the intricacies of the dynamics you face on a day to day basis. Trying to navigate what others think, and what your role actually is in every separate new relationship in the family is draining, demanding and emotionally strenuous. You cross a line here and get slapped back. You don’t do “enough” here and get criticized behind your back. Its enough to make you want to retreat and mind your own self-business (as grandma would say). I know, because I’ve done it and its an emergency tactic to have to get refocused and hear clearly from God.

Like Dennis, You need to hear from the "coach" to know what you are supposed to do. You may think its shooting, blocking, or dribbling..but you could just be assigned to getting the “rebounds”. ..just picking up pieces…here and there..getting in where you fit in.. Its not as glamorous, but your family will not get one in the win column without your skill set and tenacity. They may not even respect it, but eventually…even if it years later…”your jersey” will rise to the rafters and many will rise and call you blessed. Be diligent about learning your role and then stay in that lane. THAT is the only place where there is grace to prosper. If you veer or get into the roles that others should be doing, you will be operating on your own..and alone is NO place to be if you are running a Superfamily.

What are you putting into your child's MEGAMIND...

2011-03-14T22:15:00.004-04:00

What instructions are you giving to your children? Who are you telling them that they are or can become? You may not think your input is important, but it is. The recent family hit movie “MegaMind” does a great job of displaying this theory. In the very beginning the Main character “MegaMind” is being sent by his parents to earth to save him from his exploding planet. When his parents place him in his space tube, they begin to tell him his awesome destiny when the hatch closes prematurely and MegaMind doesn’t hear the whole thing. Fast Forward, he ends up being raised by prisoners, shunned by school mates and determines within himself that he is supposed to be a super villain.

Eventually he learns that he doesn’t “have” to be evil. He learned that he can make different choices. But not before demolishing most of the city, taking over city hall and destroying the citizens way of life.

How many paths of destruction will your child have to stumble down…and how many messes will he or she make before you tell them and convince them of who they are and what they can do? Don’t let the "hatch" close (lines of communication) without letting them know what they are wired to do. This means you have to know your child. You need to know their strengths, their weaknesses and the way that they learn and respond.

In stepfamilies, this is extremely important because in most cases you have at least two parents that are missing from the everyday lives of any children involved that were brought into the marriage. Your job as their parent is to make sure that you don’t abandon this dynamic of your role in your child’s life. You cannot focus so much on blending everything together that you disregard the unique gifts of your children that God charged you with explicitly to nurture and cultivate. You are equipped with a unique perspicacity for your child….regardless of how old they are. Use your gift and sow words of wisdom, power and direction into them as often as you can. Tell them the have the Mind of Christ...which is a MEGAmind indeed!

"YOU Again"

2011-02-28T15:44:00.007-05:00

While enjoying a nice afternoon in the nail salon, my daughter and I watched a movie called You Again. It starred Sigourney Weaver, Jamie Lee Curtis as two former high school rivals who daughters also became high school rivals. They meet back up when Jamie Lee Curtis’ son decides to marry Sigourney’s daughter, who again is the rival of his sister.

Wild antics occur when past feelings, hurts, fights and emotions seep to the surface between all four of the old rivals. So much so, that the wedding rehearsal is destroyed and the wedding is called off. Although not quite as planned, cooler heads prevail and *spoiler alert* the wedding goes on. It was near the end of the movie that caught my attention. At the very end..one of the grandmothers, played by Betty White runs into another older woman at the reception and they look at each other with disdain and shout “You Again”. In an “a-ha flashback moment” It is insinuated that this feud started long before the daughters and mothers. It started with the grandmothers and the cycle has been revisited in every generation since.

The movie just served as a reminder to me that negative cycles will reappear in your relationships, your children and their relationships, your job etc.. if you don’t change and modify behavior toward the positive. It is on my worklist to never have face another negative cycle and mumble in submission ugh.. not “You Again”. It is imperative that stupidity I dealt with, faced and fell under...ends with me.

99 1/2 won't do!

2011-02-14T12:14:00.005-05:00

For the last year or so I have been praying that each of my children would get a decent paying job-at the same time. Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t slothful and still did what they had to do to manage. One son sold a lot of his possessions to keep money in his pocket, another son worked as a volunteer at a ranch part time cleaning, another begin to hone in on his writing skills creating drafts of screenplays, and my daughter did hair on the side to make ends meet.

I could have gotten complacent and stopped praying and believing. I could have blamed the economy or just knuckled under to the pressure that jobs were hard to come by. But I refused. I have learned that anything worth having is worth fighting for. My kids well being is worth fighting for. So I had 3 working, and one left. It just made me dig my heels in harder, fast more, pray more and exercise more faith in this area. I kept him encouraged and prayed in agreement with him.

But today as I dropped this son off to his new job at a very prestigious country club, I smiled in gratefulness as I realized that God honored our diligence in seeking Him. It wasn’t about the job. It was about strengthening our faith and our developing our perseverance. It was also about my son’s attitude. He was sincerely happy for his brothers and sisters as they seem to leap ahead of him. He celebrated the wedding of one, the birth of his niece with another brother and rejoiced over a promotion his sister earned. He had the right spirit.

So I encourage you today to ask God to create in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit within you. One of my mentors says, “What you want is on the other side of what you won’t do”. Be relentless in your pursuit of what God has for you. I did, and now have, 4 out of 4. Go after your 100% . No settling. 99 ½ won’t do.

Perfected Phoniess

2011-02-07T20:05:00.006-05:00

Your smile is plastered, but your heart is breaking. All you need to do is talk about it, or at least hear that somebody else has gone through it and made it. All you need is to not feel isolated and alone. You just hate feeling like you are the only one that has ever had a baby out of wedlock, had a sexually transmitted disease or been cheated on by a no good knucklehead. But where can you find someone that has “gone through”? Everyone around you looks so perfect. Everyone appears like all is well. Everyone is jumping, shouting, running, and dancing all over the sanctuary.

People at work seem to be oblivious to anything other than their own ambitions. Your spouse is one way at home, another way at church and still a different way when you are alone.

The masks we wear hide our grief, our shame, and our “realness”. We cover up using humor, material things, performances, or by becoming mean, tactless and standoffish. In other words, we become phony. We play the role…the starring role actually, in our own lives. People clap after each performance, but when the curtain goes down and the lights are out, the mask is removed. We look at the stranger in the mirror, wipe the tears, apply more makeup and get ready for Act II. Our routine becomes flawless. Our phoniness becomes perfected.

How do you end the performance and get on with reality? It is only in reality that destiny can be achieved. God can only bless and prosper who we really are…not who we pretend to be. Therefore, it is imperative that we re-learn how to be authentic. How do you begin.. by striving to speak the truth in love, even its it the truth about ourselves.
_______________________

An excerpt from an upcoming Book by CDJamerson

Its the little things..

2011-02-02T09:17:00.004-05:00

About a month ago...I looked across the sanctuary at church and observed my sons worshipping.. All of a sudden..I was frozen in place for about a minute.. tears welled up in my eyes as I realized that at that moment..I was SO happy. I have had tons of happy moments...and have prayed for a gazillion things..but right then I saw more than boys (ok...young men) praising God. I saw a full circle of God's Word coming to pass.

I have another son that is a youth pastor and lives away. I felt the same way when he sent me a picture of him in a national magazine and the photographer had "caught" him worshipping. So yup...I jump up and down with glee when I see where God has brought them. I also know that it hasnt always been this way. I remember pleading with God to save my children when they were babies..before they could even talk. I was on my face in front of their bedroom doors praying for their choices, their friends and their future spouses. Things looked grim everytime I had to go to school because one of them acted up in class, or when I had to call their father because they were fighting or breaking curfew. BUT...

God is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him. I disciplined the STANK out of all my kids...I never let up...I prayed, fasted, and sacrificed. I taught them the word, made them memorize the word even when they didn't want to. I played word music around them that they still remember to this day..and now that they are "old"...they have not departed from it. They have made mistakes..no doubt about it. But I see the light of Christ in them, like never before and I know that my prayers have been answered. It took PATIENCE and TIME.

The same is true for things you may be believing for in your family, business, workplace or neighborhood.. It may look grim...but one day you will look up and see a glimmer...a small thing..that let's you know..that God sees and hears and soon you will see the manifestation of everything that God has promised.

Reposition Yourself...

2011-01-21T12:01:00.006-05:00

The GPS on my phone is pretty helpful. You know the drill, you punch in where you want to go, and the smooth voice tells you which way to get there. They tell you every turn, calculate traffic, distance, barriers and upcoming freeways. All goes well until you do something that the “voice’ did not tell you to do.

You know how it is…we see a familiar street and say…Oh, I can go this way…or traffic looks heavy and you decide to turn off on an exit instead of being patient and waiting. Then the GPS goes into overdrive..it begins to yell at you “You are off course”, Incorrect turn, Incorrect turn. At first it tries to tell you to make a few turns to get you back on the road you were on. However, after you get so far out, you will hear nothing while it “thinks” of what to do with you next. Then after it loads back up you hear recalculating route…meaning the GPS sees that you are WAY off track and is now trying to find the best route based on where you are and where you still say you are going.

Usually that route is longer and more complex than if you had stayed on the initial path to begin with. You will still get where you are going but it will take longer and probably be a little more frustrating than if you had just stayed on the path.

I have spent the end of last year and the beginning of 2011 getting back on the right route. Sometimes you can get so caught up with the projects, dreams, responsibilities and visions of other people that all of a sudden you look up and everything you are supposed to be doing is taking a back seat, Not gonna work.

In a family our size its easy to get lost in my husband's projects, fitness, rehearsal schedules, responsibilities or my daughters camp activties, school/homework, hanging with the Grandkids, housework, work and projects for my employer, and Junior League & Church is another life of its own. But in the hustle and bustle of all of that am I excused from what I am supposed to be doing? Nope. God fully expects me to use what I have to get it done. I am equipped with what I need to do it..and if I choose to do 50 million other things too...thats on me, but I still have a responsibility to my assignment.

So my GPS was off a little...but I'm back on track.. my husband, the Superfamily and the assignments that I have been given from God are my priority. Everything else is secondary and hopefully I will make fewer "incorrect turns" in 2011.

Life as an open book...

2010-10-30T23:59:00.003-04:00

Interesting…this time next year our life could be an open book for all the world to see. That’s right …we “The Superfamily” are being considered for a reality show. They want us to share about our blending…our transition and what it took to get to “one big happy family” (their words not mine). So with this on the horizon..what is the answer to that? What did it take to get to well..”happy”…well 1st lets dispel some misnomers..

1. We are not one big happy family. *shocked are you?* Probably more shocked that I will admit it. It’s the truth. We have some happy moments…we have some hilarious moments…but its not happy happy joy joy all the time…not even close.
2. We are not abnormal. We have a lot in common with “regular” families blended or not. We deal with favoritism, finances, household chores, school/grades/homework issues, scheduling problems, car troubles, issues on the job, unending laundry just like everybody else. However…although not abnormal…we are severely unique. The dynamics that play out on a day to day basis would take a “normal” set of parents out to the psych ward…
3. Blended families are common. Statistics confirm that over 67% of ALL families have a blended aspect at the some level. SOMEbody has a stepdad, stepchild, step uncle, cousins from your dad’s sister first husband… This statistic is going to be even higher after the results from the last census are released. So our mere size (13) makes us a standout…the fact that my husband is a widower and I am a divorcee’…is an interesting mix..but the fact that we are “blended”..well that pretty much commonplace nowadays. It merely means more people are facing what we are dealing with and need direction and understanding.

With that said how DID we get “here”? Pretty much the same way you get anything worth having…”faith and patience”. It takes strong, incredible, over the top faith to believe that things will not always be like you see them now…no matter how bad it is. You have to tell yourself that its just a phase…just a season and if you remain steadfast and believe that this family is “supposed” to be together. You remind yourself that they have been set apart to do something great and you believe that their gifts, talents and abilities are stronger and more dynamic together than they have ever been when apart.

The hardest part…is patience.. People try to force feed a stepfamily like a round peg in a square hole…it doesn’t work. Ive said this before..you can’t thrown everyone into a blender, push a button and we all come out this blended family smoothie. You have a push a little…wait a little..push a little…wait a little..its one of the most frustrating processes I have ever had to endure, but when you see a principle or process that you have implemented actually working…it was worth it.

So now…we are on candid camera..so to speak…that too was a process no matter how the audition turns out. It took patience..the right time..the right people…the right moment…and no matter what, if just for the experience it was worth it.

The UN-you

2010-09-30T20:11:00.006-04:00

When you see this error message pop up in either e-mail correspondence or when trying to log onto a system...it usually means something you did prior to this step causes the computer to question whether you are a "real person" or not. The system will then require you to put in a code or password to prove that you are not a machine...or spam.

Everyone once in awhile you need to do a inner system check to see if you are a "real person" or not. Seriously. When people see you...what do they see...the nice you, the polite you, the ameniable you...? Have you been playing the role of "you" for so long that the mask is glued to your face and you don't know the real "you" anymore. You have forgotten what you like, what you dreamed, what you have been designed to do, what you dislike, what you really feel... Its been a whirlwind...years.. months...days.. that you have spent faking a smile, faking a acquaintence, faking a lifestyle, faking a level of committment. You are so used to lying you know longer notice that you eat pickles, just because "the cool" kids did and you wanted to look cool. You pay no attention to the fact that when you get dressed 50 people run through you mind that you want to impress with your new suit or handbag. You only go to that church because your greatgrandad help build the cornerstone. You go along to get along..Fake.

You have become a shell of who you are supposed to be and if you don't delve deep soon, understand the code and authenticate yourself...you wont be able to go any further. What does this have to do with blended families and 2nd marriages...TONS! With all the sticky and intricate dynamics of a stepfamily you walk on eggshells and tow fine lines hourly. You are constantly being careful not offend or cross sacred lines, sensitivities or boundaries. So you adjust, you change, you flip, you flop, you hold this back...you become the Un-you. Fake.

You don't want to be compared or viewed anything like the ex-her or the ex-him-nothing wrong with that, uh NOBODY does or should....But the other extreme is that you will go out of your way to be nothing like anyone else your spouse has ever been with. That too is fake.

Enough to drive a person crazy! What's the remedy?

Cling to your faith in Chirst and keep your conscience clear, for some people have deliberately violated their conscience and as a result their faith has been shipwrecked 1st Timothy 1:19. NLT

KEEPING YOUR CONSCIENCE CLEAR has a direct effect of your faith. Daily...hourly if you have to...ask yourself one of the deepest questions in the world...WHY? Why am I doing this, why am I saying this, why am I going here, why am I speaking to her, why am I ignoring them, why dont I feel comfortable... You may lie to others, but tell yourself the truth. Relearn you and become genuine, authentic...real. Its time to un-do the un-you.

What I learned from AVATAR...3 our of 10 things :-)

2010-08-30T22:05:00.003-04:00

I went to see AVATAR with Jordan in Chicago...1st time I saw it and I was glad I did...Some weird things...but some deep revelation as well..I have a list of about 10 things...but here are the 1st three things I wrote down that I learned from watching AVATAR.

In order to ride a “horse” or “bird” in the movie…the rider had to connect with the carrier by fusing themselves together through their hair. Once doing so, you as the rider can “think” where you want their go and the beast will take you.
You cannot use any mechanism (book, product, idea, plan, tape, conference) to take you anywhere if you do not fuse yourself to its principles. You can’t go anywhere without a connection and the carrier (the thing that is designed to take you to the next level) can’t move until you internalize it and command it.

Nearing the time for the major fight at the end of the movie…Jake Sully (main character) went to the “tree” to pray for help. But then he didn’t just wait around for it…he got up and started rallying FAMILY. He went and got the natives, their cousins, tribes from across the planet to prepare to fight. He only sought after those with an intimate connection though blood and commitment. In the end, he had rallied thousands to stand alongside him when it mattered most.
For believers, our Tree is the Lord God, plain and simple. It’s in order to go to God and pray…believing Him for what you need and listening for His will and way. But at some point, to walk into destiny its time to move and you need your family. That’s right some things require prayer & fasting…other things require Nookie, Pojo, Cookie, Nuk-nuk, Longside, Nana, Mu’dear, Aunt Ceesa, Your cousins on Uncle Bubba’s side…in short…your family….your tribes. Don’t be so quick to discard your people and try to replace them (that's another blog for later)for others like your newfound “Christian family” or even your spouses family or “adopted” family. Your people are your people….deal with it and deal with them in wisdom. You say they are this & that…You might as well confront any demons head on because ummm 9 times outta 10 the same ones reside or have resided in you & if you aren’t careful you will face it in your kids.. I am a witness though..when all the dust settles and it all comes out in the wash …NOBODY will ride or die with you like your people, even if you have been funky, why? Because that’s family…that’s what they do. Some of the folks Jake rounded up had probably not talked to their relatives in ages…but when it came time to fight for survival they got in line and fought to the death.

The main character loved being in his “Avatar”. It allowed him a freedom in mobility and possibilities that he could not experience in a wheelchair.
Once you get a taste of next level living, it’s hard to go back to life the way it “is” presently for you. When you visit a home that’s “better” than yours you come home and groan. When you have spent time with people that are thinkers, are wise and movers and shakers in their churches and communities it’s a struggle to be bothered with whiners and complainers. You want to stay in an atmosphere that’s fruitful. If you keep surrounding yourself with this progressive environment you will find a way to get there and remain just like Jake did.

Its half time...time to huddle up!

2010-07-03T20:05:00.004-04:00

Our point of reference for "half time" drifts to a sports game...and halfway through the game all play stops, the team comes off the field and goes into the locker room. Most players change clothes, shoes, take a quick shower. Some may grab something to drink or eat to keep their energy up. But after all of the initial commotion stops..its time for the coach to speak. The coach goes over what went well, what went wrong and what the strategy the team will use to work toward victory.

Its July and a little more than half of the year has past. Summertime is finally here and the sunshine, cool breezes and holidays bring about looser schedules..lazy afternoons, and vacations. Nothing is wrong with any of that except that by the time you get your footing again the kids are back in school, its mid September and in three months the year will be over and very few of your 2010 goals have been met.

Every mid year I have learned to huddle up. I come off the field (take a few days off work..or plan a long weekend)..change clothes (no suits, pantyhose or pumps) nourish myself and then prepare to listen to the coach...for me that's God.

I go over my year plans/goals and update myself as to where I am with completing them. I see what I have done well...what I have done not so well and adjust where necessary. I make tasks sheets to give direction as to what I need to accomplish and then determine if there is more I can take on or if there is something I need to let go.

This process rejuvenates a sports team and it does wonders for an individual as well. I also use this time to review my daughters schedule and goals..and plan time off for my husband and I.

Don't let the rest of this year just happen to you. Its half time...and its time huddle up...take stock and plan out the rest of your year...Live on purpose.

Flying a little lower

2010-06-02T09:03:00.005-04:00

Our SuperCape is ripped. We have been together almost three years now. We had some bumps and bruises when we first started but mostly they were from people outside of our home and we eventually sailed through it. But in just the 1st 6 months of this year the flaws, cracks and crevices have begun to come out of hiding and if you aren’t careful, when this happens (and it happens to almost EVERY stepfamily from what I studied) you can easily be overwhelmed.

We’ve got school issues, suspensions, bad grades and the like. We’ve got promiscuity issues and as a result new babies came, are here and are coming. We’ve got self esteem issues and we see desperation for attention in extremely unfruitful ways. There are diligence problems and anger issues and truth is you name it…we have dealt with it…are dealing it…or perhaps will deal it.

Mind you…that’s just the kids stuff..I haven’t shared with you my own struggles and things that John may be facing or working through. This blog entry would be too long.

Now it hasn’t all been rain..we have had some sunshine this year as well. We have had a college graduation and the announcement of two weddings. We got some awesome new furniture after three years of looking . We were proud parents/stepparent of two national band competition winners. One has managed a successful run in a student play. We have had two kids with major repair surgeries and both came out ok, with no alarm or issues.

Somehow, through it all we do not feel beleaguered or under siege. We just recognize that our Superfamily cape has rips and rips are ok...KEEP FLYING..just fly a little lower until you get the pieces back together.. We strongly believe that what we are facing is not just for us, but for other families who may be ashamed to admit to problems that they are facing and not know what to do. There has to be someone who has ridden a storm in order for others to see them and have hope. Willing or not, God chose us to ride ahead of others that are coming and stand on the rock like a lighthouse so others know that they can make it to the other side. A picture of a lighthouse is on our family mission statement and now more than ever God is calling us to be true to what we confessed our purpose to be!

Spring Cleaning

2010-04-23T10:07:00.002-04:00

Whether you are in transition by choice or by circumstance, seasons change and you must clean away the old to deal with the new.

Yesterday I spent some time in the yard cleaning away the refuse from the driveway & flowerbeds. It was a peaceful quiet time and of course there was a lesson that God had there waiting for me.

As I got out the lawn bags and looked for the rake, dustpan and broom I was real excited about getting the front of the house clean. I didn’t spend as much time out there last year and it showed. I vowed not to do that this time. I tossed all visible garbage first…the yard lights that no longer worked, the paper and wrappers left there by kids, the empty containers and bottles. It looked better already.

Lesson #1 get what you KNOW is out of order, out of the way first. By doing do so things may look a little better and it will encourage you to do more.

There was much to do and much God had to teach me. I begin to rake out the flower bed area and although we had beautiful mulch there last year it was now cluttered with leaves, pinecones and weeds. The more I raked the more I unearthed what should not have been there.

Lesson #2: If you stay on the surface things may look pretty, but underneath you will find much that should not be latched onto your life. You have to take the time and energy to dig into you to fix errors, edit relationships and take care of yourself to move to the next level. What was beautiful last year or last season…or 10 years ago, needs to be moved out of the way so you can see what you really have and have become.

Soon, I had little piles of leaves and garbage all over the driveway. As much as I had done, there was still more to do. The sun had set, the few people that were outside had gone back in. It was getting dark and cooler. My nose was cold and it was getting harder to see, but not impossible. My first thought was to stop, go in the house for coffee and finish another day.

Lesson #3: Just when you are about to advance, complete a project, lose the last 5 pounds, stop a habit..THAT’s when it gets hard. You will look up and noone will still be on the road with you. It will not be as easy to see how you will get it accomplished but don’t quit. If you leave it, it creates more work later. If you leave it, your health will deteriorate, or your habit will cost you more. So back to my yard….If you leave it the kids will kick the piles and you’ll have to start all over.

So in the waning sunset, I finished cleaning up the piles, swept the yard clean, put the bags and rakes away and breathed a sigh of relief with a smudge of pride that I endured until the end.

Then I begin to dream again…what flowers I want for this year…how I want the fountain area to look… paint for the porch…a re-do of the stairs and repaving the driveway. All of a sudden, I could see what I didn’t see before…a realm of new possibilities.

The last lesson…well..I assume you can see that for yourself now can’t you?

Choices

2010-04-14T21:33:00.007-04:00

Facing the music on the results of choices can be tough. ..especially bad choices. Or even worse, dealing with choices that others made that are affecting you. I tell my son all the time, issues you are dealing with now are results of the choices you made two weeks ago, two months ago, two years ago, what different choices are you making NOW that will result in outcomes in two weeks, two months, two years?

Everything is a choice. Who you call, who you ignore, what you eat, what you put away, what you spend, what you save, where you go, when you decide to stay home, what rules you break, what ones you obey, what you say, what you hold back, what bills you pay and what bills you put-off....

I hate to see cycles coming sometimes...you look up and you are in a familiar place ..and its not a good one. I mean you are still cordial, polite, smiling and hospitalable, but deep inside you know...something is coming...something is not right...I will not be able to hold back this storm...this time its coming and I will not be able to stop it. Actually, I don't want to stop it..come what may...lets just deal with it once and for all....and THAT too is a choice.

I've figured out that sometimes the "run" wears you out. Running from your past...running from your future, running from the phone, running from the mailbox, running from those that can help, running from the fallout of previous choices. At some point you need to stop running, and that is a choice. You need to just stop trying to juggle all the balls alone. Take your superman cape off for a minute and be honest. Be vulnerable, be humbled. I know most of you are saying you must BE crazy..I'm not. I just know that continuing to try to hold it all together when the dam is about to break can kill you. This time make a different choice. Let the chips fall where they may, sincerely turn it over to the only one that really knows all the right choices ~God.

Or, you can continue to do what you've always done in your family, your job, your marriage, your church, your friends, your home, your relationships...hold it all together by the skin of your teeth...but if you do...you'll continue to get what you've always had. If you want something different, DO something different-make a different choice. Ask for help!! I know "FOREIGN..."

Trust somebody, your spouse, friend, pastor or even if its nobody you can trust but God. But this time...don't go it alone...this time the stakes are higher and you may not make it back...trust me.. make a different choice. I'm working on doing the same.

And I'm back...

2010-03-30T21:13:00.004-04:00

Been away about a month spending the time I used to spend on the blog catching up with my other writing that needs to get FINISHED once and for all. Its looking good...so I thought I would stop back by and let cha know what's been going on.

Let's see..

Kids-The youngest girls are getting ready for a trip to Florida to perform with the school band. John's youngest son just finished a weekend run of a drama production at school. John's daughter Jerica just went back to school for spring. My son's Bryan, Jaivon & daughter Jerica have been working pretty much daily & extra. John's oldest Jayna/John have ben working as well. Stevan got his driver's permit & is taking his road test on Monday. Jaivon got engaged earlier this month. John's son Jason got engaged earlier this year. Jason is getting married in August and Jaivon will be married in Tennessee in November. Jaivon graduates in May from Rhema.

John- Is currently working on a drama production at church..well its not a play perse' its a human video, very simple and standard. He was awarded a new "title" at work and is doing very well on his new AMI project. He is still working out with a personal trainer and preparing to compete in a weightlifting competition soon. He sings with two groups at church as well as participates in our mens ministry. He teaches a weekly bible study at work on Tuesdays and will be working on the Blessing of the Bikers outreach in May.

Me- Not doing any plays or anything this season..may tryout for something next season. Working at the office on a few projects.. Working behind the scenes helping with the Blessing of the Bikers outreach and the Legacy Choir reunion outreach..those are my focus points right now...winning the lost...keeping it simple. Writing on my next book, I've changed it several times but its nearer to completion than it was :-). Helping my son & his fiancee plan their wedding long distance (not so easy, but I have time), offering assistance to My husband's son and helping to plan his wedding ( a little easier, but much less time).. I was nominated and confirmed for a leadership position in government affairs for the Junior League for next year and an officer position in the state PAC committee.

I've lost 14 pounds since November! I did it the old fashion way...NOT EATING SO MUCH, eating correctly and watching portion sizes..Weight Watchers is a GREAT program. I highly reccommend it if you are looking for a way to lose and learning how to eat properly for LIFE, not just until the weight is off.

Hubby & I will have a whirlwind year it appears...and I feel the need for a mini vacation soon. I would love to go back to the Tenneessee cabin we visited last year..we had a blast. But in the meantime, I'm learning to pull back, pace myself, not get caught up in hoopla or things that are irrelevant...I'm keeping the main thing...the main thing...and every now and then the Lord will allow someone to come by to encourage me...whether with the reunion, on Twitter, at the office or even at home...someone is always there to remind me that I'm in the will of God, doing what i'm supposed to be doing..being where I am supposed to be. THAT is a great feeling. I promised to write about looking great on a budget and I will be sure to do that soon...AFTER I do some shopping and nab some supernatural deals to share with you...

Tha Last Word, Money, Faith & Sex!

2010-02-26T20:08:00.003-05:00

The last in the series (3 of 3) from our notes of the Valentine's Weekend with Dr. James & Stacia Pierce. So grateful for the time they spent with us especially when personally sharing about blended families from their own experience. They listened to our personal questions and gave us sound biblical answers, some of them confirming what we knew already or it was a new and creative approach to handling an old issue. We praise God for the wisdom they add to the Body of Christ and are truly blessed to have them in our circle of influence & mentorship.

9. Women want to be loved, protected, covered, feel secure, and be provided for. Men want respect, to feel important, encouragement, the last word, and sex…and a LOT of it. In reference to having the “last word”, women should learn this strategy: Just because the man has the last word in a discussion does not mean he was right..it just means he was last. If you don’t respond, he then has to walk away replaying what he said and how he said it as the last thing he heard.

10. Satan will fight marriages for prosperity, he knows that 75% of major fights and causes of discord in marriage is over money. Your marriage should be geared to financially meet all of your needs, your wants and have some left over to sow into your legacy and to others. Live life in a blessed state. Tithe to put yourself in a position to be blessed. The devourer is rebuked and blessings are poured as a part of that promised. Plan financially together and be willing to make sacrifices if necessary.

11. Don’t be afraid of being in Faith Fight. Both spouses need to be proactive versus passive in the marriage. You and your spouse determine what your faith project(s) will be and lock down on it until it manifests. Have the Discipline to stick to the budget or save/spend according to plan. Confess and post what you are believing for until you see it happen. Follow the habits of the truly wealthy, prosperous or those of faithful character. Successful people always leave clues. Prosperity in any area is not an event, but a lifelong pursuit of overflow and the abundant life.

12. Sexual intimacy is important and isn’t discussed in honesty or transparency enough. Most married couples do not have sex often enough. Your body is no longer your own it belongs to your spouse. You are joined to meet the sexual and intimate needs of your husband/wife. If you submit, God will honor your obedience and give you the grace you need to please them. If your hearts true desire is to surrender completely to your spouse, God will give you stamina, creativity, favor whatever you need if you delight in God’s way concerning marriage. This act was design strictly for the marriage bed for a purpose. Its is a type and shadow of intimacy between Christ and the church. You exhibit the love of Christ at its highest when you lay down your life and your body for your spouse.

And this concludes our marriage retreat LoveWorks review...Tune in next week when I share 10 ways this Mom of many can still be prim and polished even on a budget.

Marriage retreat con't...Image Matters and more

2010-02-24T07:25:00.005-05:00

Thanks for the feedback so far...there are two more installations.. Here is 2 of 3! Dr. James and Stacia Pierce shared lifechanging information with us at the Marriage Works retreat and we are in turn sharing it with you. They too are a stepfamily and as such, we could learn MUCH from themas to what works and what does not work in a Christian Stepfamily situation. They taught about protecting the marriage with its image, the vision, and the relationships you nurture or weed away. Enjoy and pass it along.

5. Wives you are primarily responsible for the family’s image. IMAGE MATTERS ! Appropriate image brings favor and blessings. Be mindful of how your children and spouse go out of the house. Be mindful of YOUR public appearance. Your husband should never ever look over at you and hesitate to claim you. The family reputation rests partially in how you handle and display them. Know and implement simple manners and study to be a lady and not just a woman. Are you a blessing and a crown to your husband or an embarrassment and a tattered baseball cap? Are you loud, obnoxious, immature, profane, silly, lazy, unkempt, and disorganized and a total liability rather an asset? What are you bringing to the table that a babysitter, secretary, cook or prostitute couldn’t do? Yeah, I said it-We have to be deeper than that! When people think of your family what image pops into their heads? Do you even have a “brand”, something that you are known for…or stand for?

6. Your house should be your dream center. Declutter it and make it a place where dreams can be birthed. Get a library of books and tapes that can teach and train you and your children to think on a higher level. Develop vision boards for your dreams and teach your children to do the same. Motivating things should adorn the walls and the vision of you and your spouse for your family should be accessible and reachable.

7. Get away with your spouse as often as possible. Spending intimate, peaceful time alone is essential to nurturing oneness. Getaways can be as expensive as a vacation or as inexpensive as a day at the museum. Date nights are important as well. Try to do that weekly in some form. Connect for a least 10-15 minutes a day to download your day and share priorities.

8. Disconnect from previous spouses or previous girlfriends/boyfriends family. Develop new traditions together with your new spouse. These people are no longer a part of your new life. You are no longer obligated to them or their traditions. Be cordial, polite and a witness- but not obligated. Allow and encourage the children to participate in their family outings, but your presence is not required and you should be clear that your new spouse and his/her family is your new priority. You are now obligated and in covenant with a new family and new in-laws. Get to know and love them. Unnecessary stress and drama can occur when you try to maintain and juggle relationships no longer on your destiny path. Also, be wary of social media reconnections with past boy/girl friends. It’s not worth the toehold and the door that the enemy can pry open in your marriage. Develop new friends together. Also, find drama free peaceful couples to glean from and spend time with.

Making Marriage work Marriage retreat

2010-02-21T21:30:00.005-05:00

1 of 3 in a series...

We attended a Marriage retreat Valentine’s Day weekend that was just incredible. The classes were eye opening and confirmation of things we knew and weren’t doing or clarity on things we needed to know & put into practice. Dr. James & Stacia Pierce were TRANSPARENT like you wouldn’t believe sharing everything from the bedroom to the boardroom. I have an entire booklet full of notes, literally. But I will just share some of the highlights here. This is the 1st in a 3 part series.

1. Don’t come to a conference or another learning opportunity thinking it’s for your spouse or ‘someone else”. It’s for you. EVERYBODY has things they need to work on and change. There will be things that you glean that you need to implement immediately, don’t wait on your spouse. You change and believe God for the things that need to change and grow in them.

2. You need to work with what you have. Dating is a strategy not reality. You may have gotten duped, but who you are married to, like it or not is a product of your intelligent choice. Work with and be faithful to what God has given you in this season. You need to know what you have and work with it.

3. Your mate is your purpose partner. They are your best resource for potential success. They should be your biggest supporter, fan and ally and vise versa. Share everything from your biggest dreams to your smallest goals with your spouse. They should know what you are working on and what you need and are believing for to make it happen.

4. Let your 1st response be your 2nd thought. We often say “On second thought…” Meaning we need to think more before we speak. Be mindful not to blurt out what comes to mind. Think of the implications of what you say and how you say it. Dwell with your spouse according to the knowledge of who they are and what they need. Open honest communication on an ongoing basis is paramount.

More from the retreat to follow..

Lessons on Stepparenting from my "Step-Pastor"

2010-02-19T16:48:00.003-05:00

This May I will have the awesome opportunity to go “home” to my former church, direct my old choir and fellowship with some of the saints who had much to do with my spiritual walk today. I am positive that I would not have had the foundation I have today, had it not been for them and I am eternally grateful. I am SO excited about the possibilities and the mandate of evangelism and creativity that we have been given by the current pastor. Although I no longer worship with them…they will always be home. That’s just the way it is. Home is always Home. The current Pastor in an email exchange referred to himself jokingly as my “step-pastor”. It was hilarious, but in a sense accurate. He wasn’t my Pastor, but for a season he is playing a pastoral role in my life. I refer to him as pastor. I defer to him and his decisions because of his position.

All of a sudden, I had a glimpse of step-parenting from another perspective, the child’s. I understand the importance of the level of respect that is given because of a person position not their personality. I also understand the thin line between honoring your step parent at the expense of your current one. Although I am not in leadership at my current church and I have no responsibility in ministry there, because he is my pastor, I give him respect. However, my current pastor, his way of doing things or his perspective has no bearing or authority at my “step-pastor’s” church.

In a stepfamily you have be mindful that there are many sets of rules at play. They way “they” did things… The way “we” did things… The way mom did this, the way dad handled that.. All of those processes may have been “ok” for the previous family or former relationships, but in a Stepfamily all new rules apply. Because of the new covenant between the spouses, the rules, the guidelines, the opinions, the methods, the ideology of previous spouses or family members are null and void. When I am at my home church my “step pastor” is in charge. I have been taught to respect authority and understand fully the backlash if you do not. When I am operating at my current church home, my pastor is in charge and the things that I did at my home church are no longer applicable.

This is a difficult lesson to re-teach children and it puts step-parents in an awkward role. You wouldn’t believe the horrible, mean and demeaning things that are said or written about stepparents, myself included. Usually its because the child wants to operate in the current home, they way they did in the former home. Parents have to be adamant about the new processes of their current family. Teach the children to respect their outside parents, but remind them that those people and their way of thinking, living, acting, responding or being has no place of authority in your home. Pray for wisdom for the "sticky" parts...and God will hear and answer prayer.

What is The State of YOUR Union?

2010-02-02T20:30:00.002-05:00

A few nights ago the President gave his State of the Union speech. As most presidents have before him, the speech is a collective annual report of not only the successes of his time in office thus far but it also set the tone and direction for the rest of the year. It usually covers the economic status of the nation, along with the cultural temperament and mood of the constituents and the foreign affairs of our nation.

Before ending the speech, the President gives direction as to where the nation is heading and encourages (or admonishes) with a planned strategy for accomplishing the agenda he has set for the year. The goal is after hearing the report, the nation should have a better idea as to the “state” or condition of the union.

In Marriage, you have to take time at least annually to assess where you are, where you are going and how you are going to get there. You need to retreat to discuss your economic condition, the temperament of the home and what things you are doing outside of the home (“foreign affairs”). You need to know the “State of YOUR union”.

What types of things are you doing to make sure that your union isn’t suffering or being neglected? Could you really sit down right now and give an honest assessment as to where you two are and where you are going? Are you clear as to what the goals are for you as a couple this year (not your family goals, your kids goals, your churches goals, your jobs goals…). Your state of the union directives’ for the year has to be couple (UNION) focused only. The other goals are important, but they are secondary and in some cases tertiary to what you two need to work on as a union. Your union goals may look like:

1. We work on our communication skills by not interrupting each other; spend time daily talking to each other at least 30 minutes (collectively), and not shutting down when the conversation gets difficult.
2. We will plan a quarterly getaway (overnight optional) and one full vacation for us. While away we will not discuss, kids, money, church or family…just us, the Lord and his vision for our marriage.
3. We will not take on any outside commitments (outside of work & home) at church, in the community or with extended family without full understanding of what is required and clearance from the other spouse.

Being a product of corporate America, I handle things corporately. If my hubby isn’t watchful I will have an agenda, powerpoint presentation and handouts when we sit down to talk. But I have learned now to relax and just lay across the bed and go over our goals and issues I may have with understanding where we are. During Valentine’s Day weekend we are scheduled to go on a retreat. A few days to just see where my husband’s head is about us and what’s on his heart about what we as a couple are assigned to do is priceless and worth way more than roses and chocolate. What’s the state of YOUR union? Instead of a dinner this Valentine’s Day...set up a meeting and get your nation under the groove .

The Spirit of UGH!

2010-01-21T16:22:00.006-05:00

Ugh...that was as best as I could describe it. It was hard for me to explain what I was feeling today, but I remember a sermon that Joyce Meyer preached awhile back that talked about “dread”. I looked it up and the definition is pretty accurate:

feel extremely frightened: to feel extremely frightened or worried about something that may happen in the future
be reluctant: to be reluctant or frightened to do something because it is unpleasant, upsetting, or annoying
terror: a feeling of great fear or terror, especially at the thought of experiencing or encountering something unpleasant

Whereas I can’t say its “terror” perse’, I do know that frightful, reluctant feeling…that thing that happens in the pit of your stomach when you have to deal with something that you really don’t want to face. Dread is an energy sapper. As soon as the issue surfaced, I could feel my spirit sink to my feet, my heart began to race and my face grew weary. My whole demeanor changed and as much as I would like to say that I self-talked myself out of it right away, I can’t say that. It has been a process all day to stay focused and to try to strategize my next move. My preference would be for it to just go away. However it won’t, things that pop up in your life for you to face rarely do. They just keep surfacing until you deal with them head on. People say that all the time, BUT I am learning that it is easier said than done.

What am I afraid of? Many things, but particularly I fear the unknown. I fear that I don’t have what is necessary to fix it, that I don’t have the resources, or the knowledge. I fear what could happen if I don’t? I worry that my procrastination will cause me angst or embarrassment and I am not sure that I can handle it. I don’t know where to start and I don’t know where it will all end, again, “the unknown”.

But (sometimes, I love that word) I do know who DOES know what to do. I do know who has the resources, the knowledge and the strength to show up even in my weakness. I thank God for…well..God. I am grateful to have someone I can talk to on the way home to try to sort this out in my mind. I am thankful that he can help me untangle any web I have gotten myself into. I am thankful that he doesn’t toss me out just because I said that I am afraid. I am grateful that he knows, that I know that he hasn’t given me a spirit of fear but of power, love and strong mind. I am thankful that on the other side of this is freedom and peace and although I can’t see my way clear now, I know if I at least turn in God’s direction, he will never leave me or forsake me.

The Danger of Doing Nothing

2010-01-06T10:55:00.008-05:00

There are major side effects from doing “nothing”. If water becomes stagnant it means nothing fresh is coming in and nothing is flowing out. Stagnant water, just like the picture draws flies and leeches and litter. After awhile, it begins to smell. To be stagnant is to not develop, to become foul, stale, inactive and not moving.

Stagnant is also listed as an adjective which is a word that is used to describe things. You could have a stagnant job, a stagnant mindset, a stagnant relationship, a stagnant family, a stagnant marriage, a stagnant prayer life, a stagnant life…nothing fresh coming in and nothing flowing out. Whatever area is not moving, not growing; not developing is becoming stagnant and its beginning to smell. You will not be able to hold it together long, the stench from your inactivity in any area will waft in the air like sour milk. The flies, the leeches, the opportunists will smell the stench of your inactivity and will see that you are not moving. They will jump in your lane & make attempts to steal your dreams, your goals, your family, your spouse, your position.

Whatever area is lying dormant that you KNOW is supposed to be further ahead, better developed, or more mature you need to do something. For most of us we are not waiting on God, God is waiting on us to change, to attempt, to start, to make the phone call, to send the resume, to follow up, to speak up, to show up, to commit, to say no, to apologize, to let go, to forgive. One of my mentors (Dr. Stacia Pierce) says that “Whatever you want, whatever you are dreaming of is on the other side of what you won’t do”.

You want a better marriage but won’t go to counseling. You want to be a world renowned novelist, but won’t write a book. You want to be healthier, but you eat fast food 3 times a week. You want a better position, but won’t shadow someone to learn more. You want your own business, but can’t get to your current job on time. You want to get out of debt, but won’t save.

There is a danger in doing “nothing”. Do something. Do something TODAY. Doesn’t have to be a big something…but DO it. For me, I have a book to write....time to get this river flowing...

Why so downcast Camille?

2010-01-04T10:54:00.007-05:00

To those of you that follow me on Twitter ( @ Queencdj) you know I “hit a bump” right at the beginning of the New Year. In just a two minute conversation with one of my kids, the enemy tried to get me off kilter right off the bat. Disappointment, discouragement, anger, hurt, fear, regret in myself and others streamed in and out of my head like a rushing river. I prayed about it. I went to church and tried to stay focused while going through the motions. But off and on all day, all evening my thoughts and fear betrayed me. I was afraid for some reason that God was going to leave me to face this alone. As if he was sitting on his throne saying “just deal with it, chick” Stupid I know, but that’s what I felt.

Then something interesting happened. I sat in my car before coming into work today and prayed for my job, my boss, the president of the company, my co-workers and staff members. Without thinking about it, I was suddenly not thinking about me anymore and prayed about our year at the office and thanked God for last year. I prayed for wisdom, creativity and favor for our CEO and those that worked with him.

After that, I went on into the office as I normally would battling back and forth in my mind as to what needed to be done and being resolute that I would not let my mind dwell too long on the negative things that are going on. Still felt a little down though, I was disheartened that a year starting with so much promise seemed to be getting off to a rocky start. I checked my email and there was...

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.” Psalm 43:5

That scripture was placed there by God ahead of time to be there to minister to me when I needed it. He hasn’t left me or forsaken me. The issues are still there, the problem is still looming, but GOD is there too. So for my first official blog of 2010 I proclaim that I can do ALL things though Christ which strengthens me. I can't say I feel like jumping up and down like the woman in this picture. But I am putting it there anyway as a reminder that one day my joy will be restored and I will smile again real soon.

I believe that by praying for others and taking the focus off of "me me me" for just those few minutes allowed my heart to soften enough to feel the presence of God in the midst of my issues. I thank him for giving me the mind to pray about others and the Word he sent to remind me that “this too shall pass…”

Resolution 2010: To eat Healthier, on a Budget?

2009-12-28T13:15:00.002-05:00

From what we gather in most grocery markets the price of eating clean, organic or otherwise health comes with a hefty price tag. With the convenience of fast food coupled with busy lifestyles & limited budgets, those of us in charge of the family meal find ourselves in quite the quandary. Don’t forget to throw in our desire to feed our family a more healthy and nutritious diet.

I have studied purchasing organics through information I researched from dozens of top nutritionists, Slow food advisors, physicians that I work with, Whole foods tours & seminars, and practical, hands on experience. What I have discovered is that with a little work you can feed your family at least 75%-80% healthier by June in 2010 and yes, on a budget. Here are my top 5 ways to eat better and save more.

1. Know the difference between all-natural and organic. In my opinion, all natural is a complete farce. As long as the ingredient came from planet earth it can be considered “natural”. DON’T believe the hype. “Organic” however is regulated heavily by the USDA. To be labeled “organic” the food item was grown or raised in a completely chemical free environment. This means no pesticides, hormones, antibiotics or artificial ingredients are in the food. THIS IS THE WAY TO GO and a great money saver versus some “all natural” items.

2. Study the “dirty dozen” and make these items the place you start buying organic items as they will have the most impact. The dirty 12 are worst food items that carry the highest rating of pesticides. BUY THESE ITEMS ORGANIC: (listed most harmful 1st) Peaches, Apples, Bell Peppers, Celery, Nectarines, Strawberries, Cherries, Kale, Lettuce, Grapes, Carrots & Pears. You can find out more about this on www.foodnews.org

3. Consider Generics. Meijers has a Meijers Organics brand. Even Whole Foods has “365” which features organic items as well.

4. Sales and Coupons. Most shoppers have gotten away from shopping with wisdom, but if in 2010 another one of your goals is to be a better steward with finances, you may need to go back ‘to the ole time way”. Clipping coupons and stocking up on sale items has saved me up to 50%-60% on my regular grocery bill. My biggest savings has been regular price $178.54 ~total purchase price: $54.30. I will never forget that moment of triumph. Even organics go on sale.

5. MEAT: Beef is one of the biggest culprit of hormones & antibiotics and can be the most expensive organically speaking. One way to cut cost is to serve a few meals without meat (ex. veggie lasagna, add extra 2% cheese & extra sauce they won’t know the difference). Buy other organic meats like chicken, fish or lean pork. Or look for beef that is listed as antibiotic or hormone free. Although the animals may have eaten regular feed, the meat would still partially qualify with the other organic requirements.

Merry Christmas & A Blessed Prosperous 2010

2009-12-17T22:29:00.001-05:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Don't call Sprint to fix your water heater!

2009-12-16T15:30:00.009-05:00

Yesterday, I had the honor to serve (and, yes it was an honor) sexually/physically abused and neglected children and their familes at a Christmas festival through the Junior League. It was so humbling to hear some of the stories of the children and to discover some of the tragedy that they have encountered already at their young age. You watched them playing the carnival games and eating pizza and opening gifts and you wonder who in the world could have beat a defenseless child senseless? It was enough to bring tears to your eyes and gratefulness in your heart for what you have may been spared.

A few years back I studied "abuse' in a different sense. Anything you misuse or use against or contrary to its purpose is considered abuse. Dr. Myles Munroe who is a Phd is in Religious studies I believe, defines abuse by disconnecting the words to reveal the root "AB"normal "USE". Most abuse occurs when you are ignorant of or ignoring the purpose for which something was created. If you don't know what a child is for...you will abuse him/her, if you don't know the reason your spouse is in your life, you will abuse him/her. If you are ignorant as to why your family was created, blended or otherwise thrown together ...not knowing its purpose will cause misuse and soon abuse.

You will abnormally use your family to give your life the semblance of normalcy. You will abnormally use your family to strike business deals or get favor. You will abnormally use your family as an excuse not to do something you are otherwise obligated to do. You will abnormally use your family as a battleground for your shortcomings and a punching bag due to your failings. That is not its purpose. I tell my girls in seminars and sessions and even in my book, one of Dr. Monroe's most meaningful quotes. "If you want to know the purpose of a thing, you must ask the person who created it". Only they have the authority to determine why it was made and what it should be used for.

You wouldn't call Sprint to ask them to fix your water heater. Sprint did not create the item with the issue. They aren't responsible for what happens to to your heater. They did not put together the service plan or give you instructions for a water heater. You need to get in touch with the water heater manufactuer in order to figure out what to do with the broken pipes. Sound silly and simplistic when we are talking about water heaters and cell phone companies. But it seems to get complex when we start talking about our lives or the lives of our spouse, children, stepfamilies. Its no different. Thankfully, a cell phone company didn't put our marriage toegther, or our family together. We got a "God said" from the beginning-If we hadn't we'd be in REAL trouble now. We kept God involved in EVERY decision regarding this marriage and covenanted before Him in His sanctuary before His man of God our vows to one another.

So, now that it looks "stank" in some areas...I don't bend off of that premise. God created this. If your family is suffering abuse..."abnormal use" in ANY area...go back to the one that put that family together-prayerfully it was GOD. If you did it, through manipulation, deceit, sin, error, inpatience or stupidity, repent, ask for forgiveness and then ask for direction. Get a clear direction as to its purpose and its vision. What should your family be doing or not doing? Where should your family be going or not going? Are you away from home too much? Are you home too much and not doing anything of substance with your free time? Is there balance, clear direction...purpose?

Again, remember if you don't know the purpose of a thing...just like the battered children at the festival..you will abuse it and the scars will last a lifetime. Don't call Sprint (or anything or anybody else), FIRST ask God for wisdom...he gives it freely and prepare to start your new year with a clearer path for your life than ever before.

Jicama ?? Ummmm Ji WHAT ???

2009-12-08T09:21:00.002-05:00

I went to the Whole Foods supermarket yesterday for a tour. The tour included a course on understanding the difference between conventional, natural and organic foods, studying rare vegetables that should be added to our diet and gaining an understanding of their tag/labeling system. It was extremely informative and along the way we got to ask questions. For whatever reason, I went in thinking that everyone in the group knew more than I did and that my questions would come off as stupid and insignificant. Not sure why, but that is just what I thought. As we went along, I realized that whereas some knew more than others in some regards, I was more versed in other areas. In other words, everyone knew something, but no one knew everything. It was a give and take and we all (even the instructor) left knowing something we didn’t know before….which was the whole point in going.

When you are seeking wisdom on a new endeavor or gathering information to increase your knowledge base, do not be like I was initially. Intimidation and the fear of what others think or feel about you can prevent your growth. It can also thwart the opportunity to meet the people and make the connections you need to make in order to reach the next rung of destiny in your life. When you back out of mind stretching activities because of fear you are simply saying that “my fear fence won’t let me go any further than here, my fear is in control not me, and certainly not God”.

Knowledgeable, mind expanding, thought provoking people should be in your influential circle. Don’t be afraid to ask questions of people who have achieved where you are trying to go. BUT don’t get all of your information from the successful either. You need to talk to some people who have made some mistakes…preferably some big mistakes. I learned more from that Whole Foods group when we started discussing things that didn’t work, or suggestions to try in “lieu of” due to mistakes that others had made when cooking this, or cutting that. Their candid responses even when discussing their errors developed a camaraderie of sharing.

So don’t be “skurred” (scared) as the kids would say. Get out of your box, expand your knowledge base, ask questions and share what you know. Lastly, if you need wisdom in any area ask God 1st, He gives it freely.

Oh and by the way, the picture is of a root/vegetable called “Jicama” (pronounced HIK-a-ma). It’s kinda like a cross between a potato and radish in appearance. You can shred it and add it to coleslaw along with other recipes. Its very high in nutritional value..and I know all about it... well...at least since yesterday....lol.

My Review of The Statement Necklace

2009-12-04T10:43:00.001-05:00

Originally submitted at Chadwick's

The necklace statement of the season! Imported.

Multi-chain necklace
With various lustrous pearl-like beads
Detailed with a gorgeous rhinestone brooch
Manmade
22” long with 3” extender

Waited almost two months for it-but!

By QueenCDJ from Michigan on 12/4/2009

Pros: Lady-Like, Classy, Good Quality, Stylish, Beautiful, Elegant

Best Uses: Formal Occasions, Night Out

Describe Yourself: Practical, Classic, Career, Stylish

This necklace was on backorder and I waited awhile to get it. It was so worth the wait. I have an event on December 19th that I am saving it for. I am positive that I will recieve MANY compliments. My husband was shocked when I told him what I paid for it!

GET THIS NECKLACE- it will dress up a LBD like you wouldn't believe.

(legalese)

I'd been there before

2009-12-01T23:10:00.004-05:00

Saw a woman crying yesterday. Absolutely bawling. We pulled up to a stoplight at the same time and she leaned her head on the steering wheel. When she leaned her head back on the neck rest that’s when I saw them…the tears. They were relentlessly streaking down her face to the point where her breathing looked labored and she was heaving as if she would choke. I could tell she was screaming and sobbing loudly. I blew my horn, rolled down the passenger side window and gave her the ok sign as if to ask if she was ok. She shook her head no.

I asked her if I could help and again and she rolled her window down and again she shook her head no. With that I wanted to just reach out and hug her. I told her her that I was praying for her right as we were talking (and I was) and then they came…The tears..this time the tears were mine. She looked over at me and saw me wipe away my face and then before she rolled back up her window she slightly smiled and said “thank you young lady, thank you so much for crying with me”. I’ll be fine, just keep praying. With that she drove off and I sat at the light a moment before horns behind me started to blare.

“Thank you for crying with me”. I never had anyone tell me that before. Somehow those tears meant more to her than anything else that I could do for her. She didn’t thank me for asking if she was ok, or for the prayer…just gratitude that I for a moment although our pain may be different I allowed myself to be affected by the pain of someone that I didn’t even know. But she was wrong I did know her. She was me. I’d been there before. I didn’t try to pump her up, or give her the slogan for the day, I just simply allowed myself to be touched with the feeling of her infirmity. Even as I type this, the tears well back up in my eyes. I still wonder what was wrong. Did she lose her job? Did she have a breakup? Did someone physically hurt her? Was she out of money? Did she feel depressed or out of control or hopeless? Did she lose a loved one? Was she or someone in her family just diagnosed with something? It may have been one thing? It could have been a combination of pain. But when I saw her…I knew one thing for sure… I’d been there before.

All the things I wondered about her I had experienced or am experiencing. I know that pain, I know that “pound the steering wheel with your head”, scream at the world kinda cry that noone can understand even if you could explain it. Which is why when I saw it in her, I was immediately equipped with what she needed to be encouraged; The ability to feel what she felt and simply cry. Sure, I prayed for her and had she pulled over I would have given her both barrels, but GOD knew already that she didn’t need all that.

That’s why He sent me with all of my faults and failings to be the instrument he used to simply cry with another one of his children. Her semi-smile made me thank God for the humility that keeps creeping up everytime I think I may want to get haughty or soapboxy. As the old song said..”There’s always something there to remind me”. But for the grace of God, that woman driving into whatever turmoil she had to face, could just as well been me. And when its my turn to lean my head on the steering wheel again..I know I’ll have some prayer warriors interceding..but I hope to be blessed enough to have just one person to be there and not say anything, with a tissue and a hug…and a few tears.

How many meatballs or what color casket?

2009-11-24T10:00:00.004-05:00

Today most of my co-workers and supervisors will be attending the funeral of the son of one of our Senior VP’s. I stayed behind thinking.. I really needed to write this instead. Randy was in college in Virginia and a freak accident claimed his life. He was 22 years old. He leaves behind a little brother, a mom and a dad who are racked with grief as we speak. They are getting dressed right now, preparing to get in the family car to go to church to view him one last time.

Sharon, Randy’s mother is concerned with the well being of her surviving son and how he’s handling the grief…she is also worried about the roller coaster of emotions that her husband is dealing with. On top of that, she is picturing in her mind how in the world is she going to handle seeing someone closing her son up inside of a casket to be lowered into the ground.

This morning my biggest concern was how many bags of meatballs to take over my sister’s house for Thanksgiving and if I had enough money for gas and food to make it until payday. My God, it seems so incredibly trivial right now. If Sharon could switch problems with me right now, she’d do it in a heartbeat just so her loved one could be back in her presence. All of my problems, issues and responsibilities she would gladly take on if it would bring Randy back.

So this Thanksgiving, I’m thankful about a lot of things but mostly it’s all about my family. I am so blessed. All my kids are well and safe. Unlike Sharon, my 22 year old son, although not perfect is still with me and alive for me to fuss at. My husband and his children are safe. Both my parents and all my siblings are all alive and well. My nieces and nephews are running around driving me nuts when I visit. I have a loving goddaughter and cooky grand goddaughter that show me love everytime I am in their presence.

Everything else is gravy. My job, co-workers, church and church family, neighbors, degrees, car, house, clothes, jewelry, awards, Wii Fit (ok, I don’t have that yet, but if I did-lol) is secondary to people. This Thanksgiving I give thanks to God, for He is good and his mercy endures forever. Thankful, not for things, but for family-I will remember to not take them for granted again.

Moving the Giant Boulder

2009-11-11T10:23:00.003-05:00

The story is told that in ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the King's' wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road..

After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

Many have a tendency to look at a disaster an issue or an inconvenience as bothersome and annoying. Yes, it may be a temporary hinderance to where you are trying to go -but you need to not avoid hardship or continously ignore it...but endure it as a good soldier. Once you deal with whatever it is once and for all...your temperment, patience, arrogance, narrow mindedness, stubborn streak, negative talking...whatever it is..once you move it you will reap the rewards of doing the hard work. The GOLD is for the person who deals with themselves head on and fights until they win.

Best Intentions-AIDS & Stepfamilies?

2009-10-14T20:04:00.005-04:00

Back in 1988 King Rama of Thailand had a momentous birthday...He turned 60 years old. To celebrate the occasion he decided to give his country a gift. BUT his best intentions ending up releasing a horrible plague into his entire country. AIDS was primarily conatined in Thailand's prison system. Prisoners had it and passed it to each other, but it was not widespread, almost nonexistant in the mainstream of the country. The King decided to release (grant amnesty) to about 30,000 prisoners. His "gift" also released the AIDS virus into his population and begin to spread, infecting millions.

Can you imagine how he felt.... If you are a stepparent, you most certainly can. Ok, no we haven't released a deadly plague that has infected the USA...but we can count on all our fingers and toes how many of our best intentions caused a mini war in our home.

All you wanted to do was be sure they left the house looking presentable-they see it as an attack on their fashion choices and how they were previously taught. All you wanted to do was be a good steward and keep your house clean and when you move their things from where they don't belong, or tell them to do it...you're considered a clean freak or picky. WHY is this happening...I didn't mean for it to be interpreted this way....blah blah blah...These stories can go on and on...but the truth of the matter is, just as King Rama learned...somethings are better left alone and on lock down.

You may think that what you are doing, or saying, allowing, or how you are reacting is what you should do.. but there may be a reason behind the imprisonment you see and trying to give instruction in an area where it will not be well received has the potential to infect your whole house. PERIOD.

So what do you do? Well, I have learned a few things.

Children imitate their atmosphere. They act and react based on what they have seen and have been taught directly or indirectly. Step children, my children or the children down the street they are the sum of three people (mother, father and the uniqueness of themselves)...The more I get to know my step children, the more I see things in them that people have told me was in their mother (positive and more importantly the negative). My children are the same way....I see me...I see their dad...I see them. That's alot of wacky personalities to manage and administrate.. Its takes grace. It takes God.

Please understand if your stepchildren are not meek (teachable) and you do not have the support of your spouse. . In most situations you need to backoff-today...literally. Its not that you don't love them or that you dont care, but ultimately the responsibility for those children belongs to the parent and they have to LEAD the charge in the teaching and the discipline in their lives. That is not your place. Your job is to support your spouse. Your job is to set the best example you can in word, deed, action, demeanor and simple things like making sure your spouse is happy. That is one of the most important things that they can see that 1. Their parent's life does not totally revolve around them and that their life and happiness is becoming more and more their responsibility. 2. Showing love in a marriage models before them what a marriage should look like and will hopefully cloud any negative exchanges they saw in the past in previous relationships. Is that to say you cannot correct, or instruct, NO...You are an authroity figure in that home and you deserve respect but it is to say just like the ROCK says...know your role...and shut your mouth....and I will add PRAY!

Pray for patience, pray for grace, pray for wisdom, pray for instructions. I am a witness that God will send "children" (yours or somebody elses) into your life that ARE willing to listen. The student seeks out and finds his teacher. God is truly a rewarder of them that diligently seek him....I promise.

NANOWRIMO 2009

2009-10-08T09:44:00.004-04:00

For those of you just joining as a follower this year, you missed an exciting time last November. In November, a online community of thousands sets aside the entire month to write a novel of 50,000 words or more. It's not a "contest" per se' but you are encouraged to finish and there are forums, suggestions, ideas, advice and help for you at every turn.

There is information to help you deal with writers block, to help you find a place to study, to help when kids keep interrupting, how to write during the Thanksgiving holiday, what to name your main characters', nieces' friend. Its great to get on there and find help in whatever area you need. What's even better is to see others that are having your same struggle. You feel like as my dad would say "fellows in the same ship" and all of a sudden you don't feel alone in your fight.

One day step-parenting, and second marriages, and single parenting and all of the other "taboo" things that trip us up and cause us to stumble will be talked about so openly that people will be able to get help and not feel so alone anymore. Until then we have to use blogs, articles, stories and the like to lift up one another, encourage and tell the truth about our situations so others can pattern us and have hope.

For example, My husband and I just went in for a counseling check-up session to make sure that we were communicating properly and to hear innovative ways and suggestions to do it better. Most people would not talk about counseling or admit that they do it, but maybe if a couple hears that we regularly check in and stay on top of our issues that it will encourage them to not fear it, but embrace the fact that we are imperfect people, married to imperfect people, raising imperfect people.

As I get prepared for NANOWRIMO (National Novel Writing Month) I look forward to the camaraderie as much as I do the writing. The novel writing is fun. You are writing off the top of your head and its exhilerating and interesting as you see raw ability being pushed to the limit. Its also just a fun to log on on a day that you can't go any further and see 20 people send you a message in 2 minutes encouraging you and helping you to push forward. I hope that all areas of my life will be encouraging, fun, supportive and motivating like that.

At the bottom of the cliff

2009-10-05T15:54:00.004-04:00

I am rereading a book called The Influencer. This book starts by explaining that we have the tendency to prepare for the worst or spend alot of time learning "how to cope" that we spend very little time dealing with prevention. We feel powerless to change our plight, our situation, our relationships, our outcomes, so we read books on how to DEAL with teachers...or how to DEAL with diabetes...or How to DEAL with a bad marriage How to DEAL with having a bad attitude etc...I'm sick of "dealing"...coping...its time for influencing change.

The example the book gave was phenomenal and I also shared this with my "mentees". Lets say that there was this extremely steep mountainside and every car that comes across that area falls over the mountain crashing into the valley below. A community organizer sees the carnage of tangled metal and corspes and springs into action. They are so frustrated that noone was "doing anything". So they quickly raise money, jump on the phone for help, makes a website, gathers the best and brightest ambulances, EMT's and trauma medical staff people and he and all his resources go into the valley to wait for the next person in the car to come over the cliff, and the next person, and the next person, and the next person to come over the mountain and then they can deal with the injuries of any survivors.

WHAT ? Yeah...don't laugh...they are just like you and I. They have effectively learned how to cope with the accidents. They have also filled their need to "do something". But of course it makes more sense to go to the mountain where the issue is and build a gate to prevent the accident in the first place?

There are somethings in our lives that are preventable. Period. You eat and feed your kids an ongoing diet of junk food, salt and sweets they are not going to be healthy thriving kids. You have unprotected sex with someone with HIV, you will probably get it to. You smoke packs of cigarettes a week, your chances for Cancer have increased. You don't exercise regularly or eat a balanced diet-you will probably be weak and fat. Those, we understand.

On a more personal note, there are things in your life that you see over and over in your attitude, your demeanor, your reactions, your responses, your actions, your dress, your vocabulary that you have learned how to "cope" with instead of working to change. You have learned how to pretend, how to manage and how to perpetrate being who people think you should be. But standing in that valley isn't changing the issues in your life. You will just keep watching the cars come tumbling down. Only climbing to the top of the mountain and doing what's necessary to prevent the disaster will bring about the change and growth you need to go to the next level in your life.

How you say...read the Personal Board of Directors post. Also, recognizing when you need help and being honest about it. Humble yourself and ask significant others in your life to help you. Teachers don't come looking for students. Students seek out teachers. Study, study and study. Exposure and information changes the seasons of your life. Actively pursue, confess and put change into action..one thing at a time. ex. This week I will NOT eat or feed my family junk, Or (if youhave problem with negativity) try... this week, I will say one thing positive to at least 5 different people every day...etc.. baby steps...small steps...will eventually get you out of your valley experience and get you to the mountain top where you can really see further, clearer and achieve all that you need to accomplish.

Monkey in the Middle

2009-09-22T11:47:00.004-04:00

Wow...found this blog entry from 9/6/07 and I will be doggone if this same thing isn't happening today too...uh huh..I see a pattern here, devil!!

Monkey in the middle was an interesting chiild's game that we used to play. It's now a board game...but back in the day...it used to be that people on two opposite sides threw a ball back and forth between them and you "the monkey" would try to catch it by intercepting it. Unfortunately, you end up running back and forth between people constantly. You jump up only to find that they threw it low that time...you dip only to see it fly overhead. By 20 or so passes you are tired and you want the ball...but after awhile you don't care...it doesn't seem worth it.

Today, I am the "Monkey". I am running in between issues, people and problems trying to make and keep everyone happy...while I "make do". I make do with feeling neglected, I make do with feeling misunderstood, I make do with not having what I need. I try not to complain, cause in some areas (but not all)...I have more than I have ever had. But the running, the missing, the jumping, the dipping...has worn me out. I want to scream to the world...I'm not perfect...I can't hold your weight and mine too...BACK OFF. However, in the midst of it all..I have remembered to take of me. That's right...no over eating...no eating a ton of junk...no drowning my sorrows in food or shopping. I am valuable even and though I feel like crud...feelings are an unstable source of information. I am not perfect, but I am loved...by ME.

TODAY 9/22/09:
The enemy thinks he's slick..I will not be fooled another year, I betcha that!

Always darkest before the dawn

2009-09-22T11:31:00.003-04:00

I wrote this in an older post on another blog 9/17/07. I am absolutely floored that it is still applicable and accurate for my life...a whole year later...

___________________________

Whose knows who said it first...but it seems to be true. It gets SOOOOO dark in your life right before the "wonderful" or the "awesome" thing happens. Or does it? Maybe it's just been so dark that any glimmer of light no matter how signficant brings hope to a seemingly hopeless situation. I am looking for glimmers. On the surface everything appears great, but deep down there are some inner struggles, some issues and disappointments that I struggle to keep at bay. There are some hurt feelings, some trampled emotions, some ignored needs that keep kicking me deeper into darker places that when I get a ounce of good news, I jump at it and grab it for dear life.

That's not living...at least not the level of living that I am believing for. I want JOY and happiness. I want peace, simplicity and to diminish the need to explain or defend myself all the time. How do you climb to a life like that when every rung is met with fear, disappointment, a mistake, judgement.... You keep on walking. Past the critics, past the heartache, past the needs...you keep on stepping. You can't linger anywhere too long-even in your mind. If you are working out an issue, work it out in your head, or on paper then let it go. If someone doesn't understand you, oh well! If they are not someone of influence in yor life, or a credible authority on the subject matter that they are criticizing you about, reject it and move on.

I guess in a way peace has to be pursued, joy has to be a choice. It sure won't fall in your lap. There are glimmers of light everywhere. Look for and be grateful for small things. Because when it's dark is when light shines the brightest.

Duck and Roll

2009-09-15T10:00:00.004-04:00

My children will battle all day about who the greatest superhero is. They will call out pairs and try to determine things like "If Thor fought the Incredible Hulk, who would win?" They base their hypothesis on what specific powers each of them possess and which power would overcome the other.

My absolute favorite hero (next to Superman, obviously) is Wolverine. Ok, yes he is a tad rough around the edges. He isn't quite the most "polite" hero and those claws are FIERCE! But its his other power that I admire and its what I believe gives him the edge over his enemies...its the ability to absorb a knife cut, a wound, a bullet, a bomb, a scape, scratch, or bruise and within seconds..be healed of the pain from the inside out and have NO scar to show from it.

If I could only choose one superpower, that would be it. Why? Because complete healing gives you the ability to persevere without fear and the wherewithal to keep fighting indefinitely, healing inwardly along the way. I can't imagine all I could have done, accomplished or changed if I didn't have to stop along the way to lick my wounds or take a "season off" to get over an offense, or what someone did or said to me or assumed about me.

How is that possible you say? How can you not allow hurtful things, not to deeply hurt you? I tell you how I am doing it, and others may have different ideas....but as for me I "duck and roll".

When I notice that something is going on that can potentially be determential to me (a negative conversation, an inappropriate tv show, a nasty attitude, verbally abusive, or even physically) my first response is to move me. I move me mentally, physically if necessary, emotionally most certainly. My first goal is to protect my heart from foolishness. To "duck" if you will from anything that can potentially damage who I really am and what I am really about.

Secondly, I "roll"! If something has managed to hurt me, I learn to shorten the turn around time until I get over it. In other words, let it roll off quicker which allows me to get back in the fight and ensures another chance for success. Whatever I have to do, whether its pray, cry, listen to a song that inspires me, run around outside, watch something funny on TV, write, whatever I need to do to work through the effects of a blow, I do it, I do it quickly and I move on.

To be able heal from issues quicker is not only better for you mentally but physically. You cut down on heart issues, stress, ulcers etc.. I have discovered its not worth it. I have some issues and other people have some issues but NO issue is worth altering my destiny for. Don't internalize everything or take others problems personally. Don't own other people's issues.

Heal "Wolverine style" from the inside out, and heal quickly. Don't let offense, hurt, mistrust or fear rob you from love, relationships, or the mind blowing plan that God has for your life.

Personal Board of Directors

2009-09-06T16:19:00.003-04:00

In the book Mastering the 7 Decisions by Andy Andrews, I was reminded of the importance of having a Personal Board of Directors. Since I also work in Governance, this parallel rings very real and purposeful for the next seasons of my life. On the Board of Directors at my job, we are careful to select people with specific backgrounds, expertise, education, cultural backgrounds, family makeup, economic levels and social circles that will benefit the corporation. Everyone doesn't come from the Auto industry, everyone isn't a teacher, everyone doesn't understand finances, everyone isn't African american, everyone isn't a parent, and they don't all go to the same church, there are dfferences so vast that the corporation benefits from a wide scope of ideals, connections and experiences.

You need to have a "Personal" Board as well. People that you can turn to and count on to give you sound advice, true experiences, encouragement, correction and connect you to the right people and places so you can achieve your goals and vision.

My Board is very diverse, everyone serves their purpose and I tap into them for their specific limited scope for the different catagories of my life. Since I am married, my husband serves as the chairman. As a steparent, I have a two very "successful" (very important) stepmothers that I can go to, to glean wisdom from. As an author, I study and seek out the style & experiences of Andy Andrews & John Maxwell. As a wife, my godbrothers' wife is my sounding board and she will encourage me when I am on target and slam me unmercifully when I am not-lol. As a believer, my pastor, by nature of his role would be considered a Board member. As a future multiple stream- business woman, legacy builder and billionaire, I have a mentor and motivator that I have tremendous respect for that takes time to talk to me, answer my questions and push me. To learn grace under pressure, class and ladylike demeanor, I watch Queens, Princesses, The first lady of the US, and my founding pastors wife. For my professional career, there are two attorney's and a roundtable of trusted co-workers that I use to bounce things off of. For everything else, there is my mom/dad, sister and brothers and my e-mail crew from my 1st church home-"The Cats".

You might think wow....that's alot of folks to get advice or direction from. Actually it isn't. You have neve heard of a multi-million dollar corporation having 2 board members? I am much more valuable than that, so I need wisdom from all directions. The bible even teaches that in a multitude of counsel there is safety. All of the counsel I get is submitted to the ultimate authority-God and he has always caused the things I need to know to be in line with what I have been told and His Word.

So give it some thought. Your dream, your vision, your family's destiny is much to big for you to carry it alone, isn't it? You are going to need help. You are going to need answers. You are going to need support. The people on my board never attend a meeting or come to a board retreat. They may not even know I consider them a board member in my life, its not about formality. Its about the sincerity of looking at their life, desiring a trait or characteristic they have and being humble enough to learn from them. I have young ladies that have come to me directly and asked me to mentor them. Honestly, the 1st few I told them no in so many words. I didn't feel that I was "perfect" enough to do it. I didn't get it, now I do and as I get mentored, and learn from my "board" the more wisdom I will have to share with them.

Its time to round up your board-WHO IS IN YOUR CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE and WHY? Where are they taking you and is it where you are supposed to be going?

The Tug O' War of Today

2009-09-04T19:07:00.004-04:00

We played the game of Tug of War when I was growing up. The coaches always tried to be sure that the teams were even in size and number. We would pull and pull and pull until finally one side or the other would end up letting go, getting scared of the other side or lost their footing and are then pulled over onto the winner's side. Tug of War has strong archaeological roots going back at least to the 12th Century AD. In other words, its been around a long time.

Regardless of whether the game is played in school, on the playground, on Cardoni street, in the coliseum, or in the Olympics, the fundamentals of the game are still the same. One side either let go of the rope, got fearful or the other side pulled hard enough to cause them to lose their footing and be pulled across the line.

Life today was a major game of tug of war for me. I am not sure if I was on one side or the other or if I was the rope. I had appointments, meetings, deadlines, unexpected calls and issues and of course it all happens within a 45 minute window. I am still detoxing from the drama of the day and I have to admit, I made it without loosing my cool, almost without loosing my patience and for certain without throwing up my hands. There was grace to handle everything. Now everything that I wanted did not happen and I still don't know how I am going to take care of what's ahead, but I learned three things:

1. Don't let go. Do not just throw your hands up and allow the issues to just "be". Do all you know to do. Bishop Jakes says Do all you can, leave NOTHING out. Even if its not enough, you will have an assurance that you truly did all you could. We have great confidence in what God can do, but we don't believe that we have been given the power to do anything. When you go to God and you turn it over to him you should be able to say with confidence that Lord I did everything within my power to do. I did all I could with what you gave me. I need you to take it from here. I refuse to let things just "happen" to me and I just lay there...I am SO the warrior! God equipped me to be a fighter so I can do battle and win. With me, its not likely that the issue will continue to survive as long as I am steadfast in the things of God.

2. Don't lose your footing. You have to know who your rock is and what you are rooted and grounded in. You have to release anything that is flaky, insecure and wavering-be it people, situations or relationships. Its easy to want to try this and try that in order to get this, but in some things you have to simply get back to basics. For example, you want more money? You can fast until you are blue in the face and 57lbs, put oil on your checkbook and pray 17 1/2 times a day but the Word says GIVE and it shall be given unto you. So all of that stance is fine and good...but if you are not bringing in multiple streams of income, tithing and giving out of what you have..prawlly NOT gonna happen. Don't lose your footing and get caught up. Do what you KNOW to do.

3. Don't be a punk and get fearful. People really made alot of assumptions when my husband was attacked the other day. One of the biggest assumptions was that I was SCARED. Was I concerned for him, you better believe it, was I angry that he was hurt-that's a certainty, but scared? Like I told my daughter, I ain't never scared-bad english but true none the less. I may not like the situations that are happening to me..but I am not afraid of them. I am a seasoned, decorated war hero who is not afraid of battle because I remain equipped to fight at all times-at any time.

So if you find your mind, your life, your relationships in a Tug of war, don't be afraid. Dig your heels in and hold your ground. Don't let go and I am a witness who made it through the craziness of today that you can outlast any enemy!

Out to destroy me??

2009-09-03T14:35:00.003-04:00

(Picture from recent Tennessee Vacation)

Most of you who follow us know that just recently my husband was car jacked at work. Outside of the inconvenience of replacing everything, adjusting here and there and your occasional anxieties, we have come through this fire without even smelling like smoke. He’s fine, I have him, so I’m fine. All Praise to God.

Yes, we dealt with the "Spirit of Stupid" as there were idiotic rumors going around about what happened with people who don't even know him anymore. I really wish wisdom would have prevailed and that kind of irreverent garbage would have been kept out of my husband’s space. He had enough to contend with without having to take precious time to squash plain ole dumb stuff. He laughed it off as is his nature, but it was SO not funny, not appropriate and mature believers should know better, just the enemy using them and their immaturity to take another swing...BUT-Anyway…we came through that as well.

However, although grateful I am still deeply and thoroughly annoyed. Why? Because my husband told me that although this incident happened physically to him, that the enemy wasn’t out to get him, he’s actually out to destroy me. Now THAT ladies and gentlemen ticked me off, probably because I knew that as soon as he said it there was a ring of truth to it.

The enemy, my friends, family, co-workers, and even my hairdresser knows that if you want to send me swinging or see me drive a minivan through your living room window, mess with my husband, Stevan, Jerica, Bryan, Jaivon, or Jordan. That my dear, will get you injured. I am sure there is a more spiritual, politically correct way to say that but rather than try to comprise that, I think truth speaks loud and clear.

Now mind you that there are others that are important to me, there is my mom and dad, my siblings, My husband’s family, my nieces and nephews, my goddaughter etc.. Trust me the enemy knows my protective nature of those I care about, am committed to and are committed to me. He also knows I have been attacked directly so much and so often, and in so many ways, I suppose I have developed a blasé immunity to how an attack against me directly effects me. Armed with that kind of information about people you are planning an attack against seems to be a major advantage.

Thinking about my husband’s statement, I think what does the enemy gain by taking me out? And furthermore “How can I win against a foe that knows my most targeted vulnerabilities”.

I’m going to think about that…and get back with you.

More vacation pictures......

2009-08-20T07:36:00.009-04:00

More pics from the cabin...when we go into town today I will get some pictures of the city...This place has everything on one LONNNNNNNNNg street...its like a country style vegas with no gambling and a Walmart!

We're here!!!

2009-08-19T08:08:00.004-04:00

After some research, planning and praying...we finally made it.. John and I are officially on vacaction this week. We are up in the Smoky Mountains in an awesome secluded cabin that looks out over the mountains and lush forestry. I woke up this morning in disbelief that we were actually here. Yesterday...we checked in..went to Logan's for dinner and then headed to the supermarket for things we would need for breakfast.

John is sleeping and I am up watching Hillsong TV and drinking coffee...THIS is living :-). Today we have NOTHING planned...and that's how we like it. We may drive into town...we may not..we may go for a hike in the mountains...we may not...choices...options..what a wonderful thing. Tommorrow we are supposed to go see a production called "Miracle" and then Friday its SHOPPING (well...I mean really we got bring back t-shirt..or something)...Saturday, we head back home refreshed...relaxed and ready to face our brood once again. I will be posting pictures all week...so tune in for our adventures..I just got a text from my "sis" in law Cheri..saying "soak it in"...I'm so trying to do that..I am so grateful to be here...not just "here" but just my place and position in life right now...I have much to be thankful for. I have a great husband..awesome children and stepchildren...brothers...sisters...people who love me..a good job with benefits.. the knowledge an revelation of Jesus Christ, and some sausage and biscuits in the refrigerator...man....you can't beat that with a stick!

Nearing the end of an awesome summer...

2009-08-09T19:07:00.008-04:00

Hey all;

Hope you like the rare pic of me in my glasses...hayfever season-UGH!

I haven't written much lately (for about a month), because I have really been devoting my attention to some activities that I have been working on for the goals for this year. I stated near the end of spring that I was not going to keep up my current pace, so I started cutting out somethings that was taking up alot of time that I no longer enjoyed. First to go was the Media Dept at my church. I let go all of my responsibilities there as of May 31st. Great dept, served faithfully there for almost 8 years-it was time to go. Then it was Junior League. There were a few things that I was going to do over the summer that I decided against...so I did not quit but decided to just be off totally for the summer. Then there was acting. I just finished Sweet Charity in May and usually you want to get right back out there and do something else in theater...I decided not to audition for anything else this year. Instead, I will help out backstage and that's not until late fall. Soooooooooooooo with all that free time what's been up?...I'm glad you asked...

This post will be about June and the 1st half of July!

In June-

Jerica (J) graduated from high school. Her graduation was very nice and there were many graduates (which is always a blessing to see). Most of her immediate family was there. Her grandmother wasnt able to make it-but all of her brothers and sisters were there, her aunt and uncle, cousins and nieces.

Jordan (the girl) went to Wildwood ranch horsecamp in Howell Michigan. It was a week long and she was in the canter and post division. She really enjoyed it and hopes to do it again next year. She doesn't realize yet what a blessing it is to be exposed to that environment. Most children in her circle don't have any idea what equestrian is...I am happy for her-she is and is going to be, a phenomenal, well rounded young lady....

Jerica (AKA sister) was here. I talked about her visit in the last post. Since that time...Jerica has faced a tremendous faith fight. Her roomates left her high and dry in Florida after deciding (without telling her) that they were coming home and staying, when they too came home for the holiday. So Jerica returns to Florida and expected her roomates to do the same and they didn't... leaving their bills and junk behind. Jerica was stuck with a three bedroom apartment, rent that they left unpaid and a overdue lightbill. But GOD took her little job at McDonalds and blessed it. She got favor with the landlord and time to work on the debt without being evicted. My parents and my aunt gave her money to help. I was able to help her and soon she was able to move into a beautiful newer one bedroom apartment. Rent is paid. Lights are caught up, she has food and a friend who was moving away to Alabama gave her furniture, kitchen supplies, food and others things she didn't have. She attributes it all to Christ and although I cried many nights praying and believing God with her and for her...I am so grateful for the experience. She's a better young lady now because of it and I know her faith is strengthened! I feel so sorry for the other two young ladies...they have no idea what they hav done to one of God's own. They are in BIG trouble.

Fourth of July- was low key...thank God. Jay was home...we grilled a little and kept everything kinda laid back. Jay enjoyed his time at home. He really misses his brothers and sisters alot. I told him that I would work on getting us all together for the holiday! He was able to go to church and see his friends there and he saw his grandparents. He has a great testimony about what happened to him on the way back-you will have to read it on his blog http://www.jaivonanderson.blogspot.com/ .

By MidJuly- I am in full swing...Jordan is in ballet intensive-so she goes every week day...yes EVERY. So I am driving back and forth to the opera house every evening in July. Its ok..I got alot of reading done and some writing while waiting for her. Allergies are rolling...glasses on =contacts out. Preparing for the all girls conference that was held yesterday...this pic is of me studying and mapping out my handouts a few weeks ago....More on the conference and AWESOME AUGUST next post..

My daughter came and went...

2009-07-01T21:09:00.006-04:00

Jerica (my Florida baby) was home for a few days. She really missed being here and needed to "visit"! It was great having her home. She got to see her brothers and sister...my mom and dad...her aunt and all of her stepsiblings, cousins and friends. She did her sister's hair too while she was here-which was a REAL blessing.

(pic from this morning at the airport)

I had the chance to talk to her to and from the airport...and its great to hear the maturity in her character as well as hear the little girl who still has alot of questions and apprehensions.

I am so proud of what she has stepped out to do on her own. She is learning life lessons that are more valuable than any formal education that I could have paid for. She is looking at starting school and she has already been promoted to manager after only being there a few months.

She is so me...but not me. She has seen the struggles in my life and the disappointment, sacrfice and the heartache. She has learned from my mistakes and my triumphs and she is planning a few victory laps for her own wins! Its tough to change from the mom that fixes everything, makes the calls for you, absorbs the cost, takes the hit ...to the mom that has to stand down and allow a few hits to get through to allow her to get some faith fights for herself.

The mom role for me is daily changing...evolving and developing. I can't say that it is easy. Its a pruning, tough process...but its for my good. Its for their good. I've done what God has called me to do by them and now its time to let those seeds grow so I can see what I got and what I need to pray against..or pray through. New levels, new devils as they say..its a new role but I am equipped and ready for when they come and when they go...mommy reporting for duty.

Oh my Oklahoma baby will be home for the holiday tommorrow...so I get to start adjusting all over again...:-)

You need to know that know that you know...

2009-06-29T20:24:00.006-04:00

Bishop Jack Wallace used to say that statement every Sunday.."you need to know that you know that you know"....There are somethings that you may be unsure about..but somethings you need to know and be steadfast on.

Influence is a VERY powerful thing. Its power can change the mind of Kings. Its persuasion can alter courses and cause billion dollar mergers. Influence can also cause you to question what you know, even when you know that you know it. THAT alone makes it a very powerful tool...one to be handled with character and responsibility.

A few months back I asked my husband ahead of time to pick up my daughter from the camp dropoff point in a few days because I had to pick up our goddaughter from school at the same time that day and they were on opposite ends of the city. I proceeded to tell him where it was and he began to debate with me profusely that it wasn't there...he continued stating that it was on the corner of this street and he would be happy to get her. I told him no, its here and I need you to be there at 5:00. He again continued to debate with me as to where it was and he then went on to tell me how his brother use to go there so he knew exactly where it was. This went on until I was totally frustrated-so I just stopped the debate. It made me wanna holler, throw up both my hands...lol

A day or two went by and all the while I begin to question inwardly what I KNEW that I KNEW. I had been dropping off and picking up my kids from this location for about 15 years. But maybe it is where he says it is? Maybe I didn't notice the street signs? Maybe the location changed? I had just dropped off my daughter a few days ago...why in Jesus name am I beginning to question myself and believe him? Influence. Because he is my husband, I'd like to think that he has wisdom in some areas that I may not (and vice versa). I'd also like to think that he is smart and knows things that I may not (and Vice Versa)..and since I TRUST him and value what he thinks and says...I begin to alter my thinking to line up with what he is thinking. That's the power of influence.

By Thursday I had to catch myself-.....sorta went like ...wait one dog gone minute...I am not stupid....absentminded, forgetful or trivial. I know this pick up point. I know where I left my child. I know like I know my name where she is supposed to be picked up from. Why am I allowing someone to tell me otherwise. I do not care what he thinks he may know-but on THIS-I know that I know that I know. I didn't remind him to pick her up. I left work early and jetted across town like a mad woman but I picked up my goddaughter on time and I picked up my daughter. She was right where she was supposed to be...and for whatever reason I breathed a sigh of relief-like maybe she wouldnt be there and I had lost my mind.

So my husband-God love em' -was wrong. I don't believe that he was intentionally trying to mislead me, he just didn't know and since my perspective on that matter is not an INFLUENCE for him he stood on what he believed to be true. Wrong or not. Since what he says was INFLUENTIAL to me..I begin to waver on what I knew to be true...just because it was from him. I never even mentioned this again to my husband. To him it probably really wasn't a big deal. But to me-wow- it taught me an extremely valuable lesson.

Influence is powerful in marriage, in parenting, at work, in church, in relationships...and in life. Be mindful that you have people that you influence just based on who you are to them. Sometimes we are right and our influence wields a great return for us and for others. But sometimes we are wrong and if we are not humble enough to see our error and go back and share with those we influence-they could be headed to the wrong pick up point and miss their blessing.

Boot Camp..On Purpose

2009-06-24T19:12:00.007-04:00

Well, one of John's major desires has been for us to work out at the gym together. We hadn't been able to manage that much since we have been married...His gym (powerhouse) was too "guysweatyish" for me..and my gym (Bally's) was kinda "fu-fu" to him. So, we did guest passes every now and then but never consistantly.

We enrolled in a Fitness Boot Camp at Better Life Fitness three times a week from 5:45 until 6:30 PM. It surprisingly has been fun working out with him there. He is a great encourager and he watches to be sure that I don't hurt myself and that I do things correctly. The boot camp is TOUGH. We do weights, circuit training, boxing, crunches and more. They teach us how to eat correctly and they really push you to do your personal best. (http://www.randywoody.com/).

I have to say I have already seen a major difference in my ability to do a little more each time. I also know that I do work harder /better in a group setting versus alone. Is is the competition? Is it not wanting to let your trainers down, Is it seeing the others in the group and being encouraged by their persistence? Everyone there is single focused and ON PURPOSE with getting fit, loosing weight and having fun.

Whatever the reason...many of us are like that in many areas of life. We need trainers, coaches, siblings, parents, friends and just people along side of you sweating, aching and striving just like you. Seeing others achieve a mutual goal pushes you to go after it harder. Where do you find "like" minded people in specific areas? Where do you seek out mentors that truly have your best interest at heart? How do you "edit" your circle so that everyone around you is on purpose? It starts with prayer and really looking at the lives of those around you. Are you mindlessly following someone you don't want to emulate in ANY way? Ms Brenda (the trainer) is a former bodybuilder and it SHOWS. She looks like a fitness mag model. Now, although I don't quite want to look that ripped, it would be foolish of me to train with a woman who was 450lbs and couldn't lift a weight. Brenda has shown outwardly and inwardly that her expertise in this area is to be respected. Now, would I go to Brenda about advice for my children...nope. Why? She doesn't have any lol (her dogs don't count)?

I supposed I said all of that to say that in the gym I believe that we pull from each others encouragement, strengths, weaknesses and triumphs. We are all there for a reason and we sweat, grunt and do whatever it takes to get through that goal. Just make sure that in your life you have some ON PURPOSE people, ready to sweat and do whatever it takes to reach their goals and encourage you to reach yours. Also, make sure your "trainer" has been where you trying to go...and if you are blessed to have a spouse there is nothing like sweatin' something through with them by your side.

Good To Great

2009-06-11T09:51:00.007-04:00

There are many stepfamilies in our circle. We know them from school, work, church and even in our individual extended families. We are good families. We navigate through the land mines of step hood with the grace of a ballerina. Things blow up, but they don't destroy us. We are good. But how do you go from Good to Great? How do you go to the next level, where things aren't just maintaining, but thriving and moving and growing...

We are studying the book "Good to Great" in my professional circles and I have learned that some of the same principles that apply to moving businesses in this direction can apply to the complex "business" of stepfamilies.

One of the methodologies they cover is the Level 5 Leadership concept. Level 5 leaders (in our case John and I) have to be humble on a personal level but possess a great drive and desire to succeed. The success is not viewed as personal(he and I ), but corporate (family). Level 5 leaders are not "rock star" or celebrity leaders, whereas the boat will fall apart after they are off the scene. They empower others to lead and to grow. They are diligent and hardworking and lead by example by being in the trenches rather than barking from the balcony. I am seeing the importance of this now as my children are living on their own. They haven't fallen apart because they aren't with me. They are thriving. They are doing what I taught and trained them to do.

Another important concept is to "confront the brutal facts, yet remain in faith. " GREAT companies (families) have the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of their current reality, whatever they might be, yet maintain unwavering faith that they can and will prevail in the end regardless of difficulties. So, if you have a child that is slothful or talks back to much, don't ignore it, act like it will change on its own or they'll "grow out of it". Instead, deal with it head on. Discipline, show, teach, and structure remaining positive that with work they will develop the character that you are trying to grow in them.

The last one that I'll mention is The hedgehog concept. You need to identify three things to make a transition from good to GREAT.

1. What are we deeply passionate about? God, Family, People and relationships

2. What can we be the best in the world at? Drama, Performing Arts, Writing, Art, Dance

3. What drives our economic engine (what can make money)? Diligence, administration, unique talents, unique makeup

I did this with the Superfamily, before really knowing what it was. I begin to "market" us if you will. We were not just the Jamersons, or just the Andersons or the Stephens'. We are a new entity alltogether- The Superfamily which is comprised of many parts. We are gifted in performing, cultural, musical and dramatic arts. So, I begin nuturing creativity by developing a newsletter, buying instruments, going to auditions, and seeking opportunities for us to shine as a SUPERFAMILY. As a result, we have been interviewed by people in NYC and as far as Austria. We have this blog. We take a yearly trip inviting extended family and friends to go with us. That's just collectively-individually we have people studying ministry, ballet, communications, engineering, equestrian, vocal music, instrumental and theater.

Please know John and I have to refocus often. What are we about? Who are we about? Then, we kindly delete the rest. Its easy to get sidetracked from each other, family, our vision and your goals if you lose sight of what they are. You will allow the silliest things to get in the way. Just this past week, I was talking to two ladies and I made a comment about my family that drew the most stanky look from one of them as she glanced knowlingly at the other one. I know where it comes from-they have a difference in view and that's ok. But I let it bother me for awhile, before I started to look at what I'm about, refocused and let it go. I finally determined that they have bigger problems if at their age they aren't ladylike enough to use more discretion and courtesy when in disagreement. So, I could effectively delete that whole issue and moved on.

So, anyway- everyday we are growing, deleting and developing and gaining momentum. But its a PROCESS, not a date on a calendar. I know people may think I am over the top and unorthodox. Good. Most people that are just Good are pretty status quo, normal and fall in line with whatever the comfortable thing is. That is not our goal-our goal is GREAT.

Should I have just stayed home?

2009-06-08T10:53:00.004-04:00

I am sure that you know that pressing through regardless of circumstances can really pay off in the long run. Sometimes it is simpler to give up, go home, stop or let something alone than it is to work through it and press on to (as the old folks say) "see what the end is gonna be".

This past weekend I had my 4 year old godgrandaughter over to spend the weekend with me while her mom was out of town. I had the weekend all planned, starting with a trip to Lansing to a women's workshop. We were up, dressed and packing the car when all of a sudden I was out of time..and it was already 15 minutes later than I wanted to leave. I thought as I ran around the house-skip it, I can just put her back to bed and plan something else, but I pushed that aside. So with the portable dvd playing doodlebops and the baby strapped in, coffee in the holder.. 15 minutes later we trudge out. Of course I have to stop at the gas station, because I told myself the night before to do it and I was too tired (equals=lazy) to do it then. So, now I am running late, but since I give myself a good travel cushion I can still make it in time for the workshop-I just may miss getting breakfast. This was the 2nd time I thought-oh forget it..I am just going back home". But I was organized enough to have something for the baby to eat and I had cut up fresh fruit and had a water for me...so-I press on, we're good..and on the freeway.

An hour into the drive I start looking at my directions again because we should be close. I look at the exit sign and note that according to the numbers I am only two exits away. I look at the clock and I am impressed. We got up there in great time and I now am excited that we are almost there.

THUMP THUMP THUMP...the car begins to wobble and shake..I know that feeling. I have had it before. Its a flat tire. So, I am on 96 Freeway in a skirt with a four year old, a flat tire and 10 minutes to spare to get to ther workshop on time. My first frustrated instinct was to well....cry. I am sure most of you would have said pray and I ain't mad at cha..but I didn't start there. I didn't cry but I pulled the car over safely and just sat for a minute to collect myself. I thought (almost audibly) WHY didn't I stay home?

So then, I did pray, asking God what to do next. My husband is almost 80 miles away and at that very moment probably singing on the platform at church . My brothers, brother in law, sons and dad are even further. So I hear almost instinctly-Change the tire-now. Duh, talk about supernatural revelation. First, I text my husband so he would know what going on (he won't read it until way later), 2nd I change the movie for the baby and get her something to snack on and drink. Then, I go to the trunk to find the tire (ok that took a minute, I had to get the book and everything). So, in my light khaki colored skirt, I crawl under the car to get the tire and then lift it to the front of the car and start working with the jack when out of nowhere another car pulls up. This awesome couple jumps out and helps me put the donut tire on and then follows me to the gas station so I can get air. They said they thought I was ok until they saw the extra tire in the front of the van. The flat was on the side away from view of the freeway (so, if I hadn't got that tire out when I did-they may have kept driving-when God says move-move)

Although, I was excited and grateful to have the tire on I was so frustrated. My skirt was dirty, my makeup smeared and I was just exhausted by the adrenalin of it all. So, for the third time I thought-I am just going to put the air in this and go home. I can only drive so fast on this tire and its gonna take me forever. The workshop started an hour ago. By now I had talked to my husband who told me to call him back when I was on the road and then every so often to let him know where I was. I told him I was going to find a nearby restuarant, feed the baby, let her walk around a bit, and use the bathroom before I head back, since it would be a long slow trip.

But instead....I thought I came here to go to the workshop and I am going. If its over I will buy the CD, get the notes and THEN go home. But I came for a purpose and skip it I wasn't leaving until I got what I came for. Then I called the church..and that's another long awesome story...but anyway.

I get to the church. I am sure I looked a mess. I walked in the door and I cannot tell you how tangible the peace of God was there. The lady in reception was so pleasant and asked my name and as soon as I started into my story I heard the conference host take the podium. She had JUST started speaking. The assistants were like you didn't miss it..come on we'll get the baby in child care just in time for the puppet show and they will feed her breakfast in the room. Within 6 minutes of walking in the door, the baby was situated, I was in a seat bible open and pen out. AMAZING.

The workshop was incredible. I will my 7 pages of notes in a separate post. But its main theme was about attitude. My attitude this weekend was TESTED. I could have flown off the handle, mad at me, mad at my husband, mad at the world, but staying focused on the goal and keeping my emotions, attitude and demeanor in check paid off.

I got home in good time. The ride home was peaceful. The baby slept, I had the windows down enjoying the quiet....and thinking of all the things I learned at the conference and BEFORE the conference.

The Drawbridge

2009-05-29T11:27:00.003-04:00

Guest post adapted from Henri Nouwen-

Very powerful parallel.........

You must decide for yourself to whom and when you give access to your interior life. For years, you have permitted others to walk in and out of your life according to their needs and desires. Thus you were no longer master in your own house, and you felt increasingly used. So, too, you quickly became tired, irritated, angry and resentful.

Think of a medieval castle surrounded by a moat. The drawbridge is the only access to the interior of the castle. The lord of the castle must have the power to decide when to draw the bridge and when to let it down. Without such power, he can become the victim of enemies, strangers, and wanderers. He will never feel at peace in his own castle.It is important for you to control your own drawbridge. There must be times when you keep your bridge drawn and have the opportunity to be alone, or with those to whom you feel close.

Never allow yourself to become public property where anyone can walk in and out at will. You might think you are being generous to anyone who wants to enter or leave, but you will soon find yourself losing your soul.When you claim for yourself the power over your drawbridge, you will discover new joy and peace in your heart and find yourself able to share that joy and peace with others.-

Big Week !!

2009-05-26T11:24:00.008-04:00

Hey all-

We had 4 major things going on in the Superfamily last week!! First...I finally graduated into Junior League of Birmingham Michigan. I still am quite surprised that I made it. Not that they would'nt accept me perse'...but it was certainly outside my comfort zone and cultural arena. I was exposed to many new things...made some great friends...went on a few good, educational trips and widened my circle of influence all while volunteering and helping my community! This summer I will be on hiatus but in the fall I will start as a member of the Government Affairs Committee. Our Graduation picture is below..

Secondly, my son Bryan escorted Clarion (a young lady of high interest:-) to her prom at the St. Regis. They looked absolutely darling..nothing over the top..outlandish or inappropriate-PRAISE GOD...She looked happy and they told me that they had a good time.

Thirdly....I went to an AWESOME International Women's Conference in Lansing, Michigan with Dr. Stacia Pierce. ( I will share more on that later...but for now...) I met some incredible women there and had the chance to meet Ariana Pierce (who is a gracious absolute Princess), IROCC Williams, DEL and Quincy Brown (P-Diddy's son)..I have a few pictures of that below:

LASTLY-and probably most importantly...we went FURNITURE shopping for the living room! Most of you know that we don't have living room furniture yet...we just never were in a rush to furnish that room. It has new carpeting and I think we painted it...but just no furniture...so John decided we would go LOOK...and we did. We actually found one that both of us like...so we'll see...

Home; A peaceful place to be...

2009-05-20T09:51:00.010-04:00

Not many people can say that about home...that's its peaceful. But I woke up this morning and the weather is finally breaking... I went out on our back upper deck and it was such a peaceful time. It wasn't quiet mind you, but peaceful. You could hear the rippling waters of the creek in our backyard. The chirpping of the birds and in the faint distance you could hear children making their way up the road to get the bus for school...but even though it wasn't silent it was peaceful. I had to take pictures, so on the days it gets a lil nuts, I will remember mornings like this and what mama says.."Trouble don't last always".

Alot of people ask me...oh my GOD I bet your house is loud all the time..and the answer is 93.4% of the time yes, the house is loud. The TV's are going, the computer is going. The kids are talking, laughing & screaming. The washer machine is humming the dryer is flipping. Cars are coming in and out of the driveway and doors are opening and closing constantly. The dishwasher is swishing and we have a revolving door of visitors that add tremendously to the volume level. But on a rare occasion-like this morning it wasn't loud at all. There was quiet...which has a new definition for me-The absence of chaos or unnecessary noise.

It was also peaceful. But peace is different from quiet...thus the term "PEACE & QUIET'. Peace is an inner decision and quiet is controlled by circumstances and volume. I had peace this morning, not because everything is perfect-Its not. It was not because we don't have issues to face or obstacles to overcome-We do. But for that moment I decided not to let all of that to forefront. I will have to eventually go back and get it (the issues, the obstacles etc..) and face them but for that moment I sat in my chair and chose peace....and it was an excellent choice.

The Rallying Cry for May-June ORGANIZE

2009-05-19T11:48:00.006-04:00

In the book "3 Big Questions for a frantic family"...one of the BIG questions is "What is your "rallying cry"? What is the specific plan, purpose and procedures for your family for the next 3 months? Not the overall goal in life...just what is the focus right now. What can get everyone on the same page and headed in the same direction...for us lately it has been CLUTTER REMOVAL. You can't think clearly if you are surrounded by clutter, garbage and excess. In most cases of creativity..less is more. Our family is very creative and innovative...so the best way for me to nuture that, is to make sure that the atmosphere is readily conducive for thinking and ideas.

Sooooooo... we started with getting rid of old clothes and shoes and bringing them up and out to the living room. The pictures show the 1st phase of drop offs. By the way, as you will note Our living room is void of furniture right now...so its the best place to spread out, sort and organize things..(I have no idea what we'll do if we ever buy furniture...I really like that room)

Anyway... boy did the clothes start coming...clothes I hadn't seen since we moved there. Shoes that were missing shoestrings and had scuffed heels and toes. Some of the items were salvageable and in good enough shape to donate to worthy cause. So I dragged the laptop onto the living room floor (always the multitasker) and after sorting, and reviewing and listing...we had about 5 boxes and 3-4 large bags ready on the porch for pick-up.

Then I focused my attention to my bedroom. I wanted my dresser space cleared and the pseudo office area that John has the laptop set up in cleaned up and organized. I got those areas de-cluttered and my next project is the back closet off of the garage...UGH...I will have to look up some ideas for that area. Its my least favorite place in the house...

Acres of Diamonds

2009-05-18T11:07:00.008-04:00

Before "Who moved my cheese" or the "The Travelers Gift" their was a great book written in back in 1915 called Acres of Diamonds. Its author Russell Conwell was a union soldier in the civil war. He later became a baptist minister. He later became known for a speech that he gave more than 6000 times which later became Acres of Diamonds. The title of the speech speaks to the parable that was given at the beginning about a young man who desired great wealth. His goal was to find diamonds. So, he soldall of his belongings including a productive farm to pay for his "diamond journey". He left his family behind searching all over the world for this jewel. Eventually he spent all he had and was left with nothing. He became distraught and desperate and threw himself into the sea ending his life.

Later, we find that the new farm owner finds a odd looking rock that flows in the shallow stream on the property. Of course, we discover that it is a diamond. So if the young man had just stayed home, and took the time to see what of value he already had, he could have gotten unimaginable wealth without ever leaving home. Instead he lost his property, his time, his family and ultimately his life.

I shared that to say that sometimes the things we seek aren't "out there" somewhere...sometimes the wealth you seek, the love you seek, the wisdom you seek, the honor you seek, the value you seek..is right there in your house. Its with your family, husband, children, wife your loved ones, your parents or sibilings. Its in your garden. Its shows up when you take the time to cook a meal or clean your windows. It stops by when you work on your car or fix a leaky toliet. It sits next to you when you check homework or check for a fever.

During this hectic, busy time for me I had the opportunity to reevaluate what is and is not important and who has the right to decide that. I cut off some things that I no longer enjoy to exchange for somethings I need to get done with those that matter most-My husband & The Superfamily. I am finally aimed at legacy building, organizing my home, and focused attention on strengthening the dreams and drive of those around me. I'm sure to find a diamond or two in there somewhere..

WHAT A FEELING!!!

2009-05-13T10:52:00.005-04:00

This past weekend was The Blessing of the Bikers! It was an event birthed by my spiritual father Bishop Jack Wallace. The event gathers bikers from all over southeastern Michigan to bring their bikes in to our church parking lot where our current pastor (Pastor Ben Gibert) prays over the bikes and prays that they have a safe riding season. This year, I believe we had about 500 bikes and at least 20 vendors selling everything from Dunkin Donuts and Subway to Bike Helmets and Patches.

What A blast! Not only did I see some incredible bikes, but I also had the chance to really "outreach" with people who would NEVER if ever just waltz into a formal church setting for general principles. That is SO fun! Sounds weird I know...but when you are wired to reach the lost and get a joy out of seeing people make life altering decisions..something inside you just gets PUMPED when you have the opportunity to serve.

Anyway, my brother in Christ, Pastor Robb Stancer did a remarkable job in pulling all of the days activities together. He is a organized chaotic superstar for Christ! His volunteer group is second to none. They are first rate and all of his captains operate like he does-with enthusiam, energy and excellence. I am so proud of him and his wife Cheri and their kids whose hands-on support was incredible. The whole family was working in vendor stations, with prizes, helping at the food station. They were all in the trenches with him making this happen.

I miss opportunities like this. So, when they happen I am so appreciative of the chance on a larger scale to reach people and give them an idea of what life in Word is really like....Kudos to my church home (DWO), my brothers church home (World Changers Ministry) and all of the volunteers who helped.

Superfamily Kids in the News

2009-05-06T10:30:00.007-04:00

I usually wait and put stuff like this in the newsletter...but I am not sure how long these stories will be available online so I thought I would share them with ya.

Mom's not the only one in the media !!! We also have two kids in the NEWS !!

Jordan-Ballet Renaissance

Link: http://www.detnews.com/article/20090425/METRO/904250358/1033/ENT/Arts+groups+barter+to+save+money

And Jerica (J) Dreamgirls Performance (in the red dress):

Link: http://www.hometownlife.com/article/20090430/NEWS20/904300529

Congrats to our two starlets for taking over the media!! 1st the media and next the WORLD!!

Annual Superfamily Cedar Point Friends and Family Fellowship Day!!

2009-05-05T15:16:00.016-04:00

Spread the word...it has been decided! The Annual Superfamily Friends and Family Fellowship Cedar Point trip will be June 27th !! Get your deposits in early. PP $60/$50 This price includes your round trip bus ride and your entrance into the park.

This is a great price if you realize that admission to Cedar Point is now almost 45.00 for a regular ticket! We hope all of you can join us this year...last year was SO fun!

You don't wanna miss it!!

The Party continues.......

2009-05-05T15:03:00.003-04:00

More pictures from my birthday celebrations!! The cast of Sweet Charity surprised me, nancy and melody with a birthday cake. Our birthdays are within days of each other. It was really cool of them to do that in the middle of all of these performance. As my former pastor used to say..Its nice to be nice..and remember that cause people don't HAVE to be nice.

Here is a clip from a newspaper article that my picture was featured in regarding Sweet Charity.

http://www.hometownlife.com/article/20090416/NEWS06/904160577/1023/rss05

An yet another...

http://www.hometownlife.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=200990504006

WXYZ Channel 7 News...Anchor "Diana Lewis" actually came to see the play...She is absolutely fantastic! I can't WAIT to interview her for my book.

Today is MY BIRTHDAY

2009-04-30T11:12:00.006-04:00

Today is my birthday! This pic is the cool sign my co-workers had on my file cabinet when I came in today. I am grateful to God to have another year. The alternative to another birthday isn’t very promising so I have learned as the song says…flowing from my heart is gratefulness..

My birthday is also time for my lists. The lists of things I have learned, things I want to do this year, things I screwed up last year, things I got accomplished, things I have changed. I thought I would share some of them with you. I usually write them in my journal but maybe someone can glean something from my experience…so here we go.
A few things I want to do for me at 42Cut my hair again (I already have the style picked out…C.U.T.E.)
Lose 8 lbs (ok that seems more attainable than 10)
Get a bike ( a 10 speed not a motorcycle)
Plant a garden
Read at least 5 books
Stop e-mailing and texting people that I care about and take the time to actually call them, visit or handwrite them a letter. E-communication is getting so old.
Go on a weekend away to finish my book
Re-Organize my closet again
Get a Sunday School book and study my lesson every week like I used to.
Audition for another musical (what am I suicidal?? lol), but it is so fun..I know I will miss acting when its over…so we’ll see
Things I got done for me at 41Got over the fact that I was over 40
Read over 5 books
Lost 7 pounds (the goal was 15-UGH)
Co-starred in a musical (sing, dance and act)
Changed personal style
Joined a volunteer organization to sow community service (Joining the Junior league was a biggy-I am so glad that I did that)
Got a mammogram
Organized prayer and purpose planner

Things I learned being 41
Do not allow people to make you feel guilty for saying NO or that's enough.
Say no, more often, if necessary
Having critical, uncomfortable conversations is really important to get unstuck in certain situations.
I make time for what’s important to me, and so do others
Being a women comes naturally with gender and age…being a lady does not. You have to study ladyhood and work at it.
You don’t have to spend a lot of money to look nice or have beautiful skin. NOTHING works better on your face than plain Ivory soap, Noxema and Witch Hazel. A total of $7.43.
Be careful not to mimic, look, act or completing imitate someone else’s style, mannerisms, likes, dislikes, words, clothes, hair etc.. Contrary to immature belief, that is not flattery-it’s an insult to God who made me specifically to be me. If I am going to be “them”, then why does God need me? K-duh.
I am 41 not 14. Whereas I don’t deem that as old, I do need to be mindful that I am an adult and I should expect to be treated like one.
People do not have to be like me or think like me in all things in order to be right.

Things I miss
Playing jacks with my sister on the porch
Mr. Softee Ice cream truck
Marathon candy bars
Going to Marching band practice
Directing the choir

Getting letters in the mail

Indian brand Pumpkin seeds in the red bag
Vacation Bible School teaching
School

Going to the dollar store and then the dollar show with my kids on Saturdays
Modeling (some of it, like the clothes…the make up, the shoes)

CSI-Mommy Style

2009-04-28T09:53:00.006-04:00

Most of us know that CSI on TV is a criminal investigative show. I personally don't think I have ever watched a whole episode. But their acronym "C.S.I." is very popular in our home and most of the people that live there don't even realize it.

For me...CSI stands for Clever Simple Instructions. It is when I take obscure moments and use them as teaching opportunities for the family. It can happen during cooking, shopping, driving, ironing, laundry, flat ironing hair, reading...any moment can be used to double as an opportunity to share, to learn, to probe, to correct, to teach.

My mom was the master at this. She would personally iron all 25 of my dad's dress shirts usually on Saturdays. We would go to choir rehearsal and by the time we got back in the afternoon she would be all set up with board, starch and iron ready to go. She would begin by asking us about rehearsal and then while we were eating lunch and watching her iron the conversations would turn to school, the arguement with had with each other, our chores, how much money we had saved, who was the new girl in the marching band and what we were wearing to church the next day. She also of course use that time to teach us how do whatever it was she was doing. So if she was ironing...she taught us how to iron. So much so, that I though my mom is left handed and we are not- My sister and I both iron and wash dishes like a left handed person.

I won't forget moments like that. She would walk the aisles in the grocery store and make us add and subtract and figure out percentages. We were crossing off items on the list and looking for the best deals for meat at 10 and 12 years old. We were doing "what not to wear" episodes long before the show came out. At the mall, at church, walking down the street...my mom would see something and just give us that look that said "if you ever think about going out of the house like that..think again.

What made me think of that was just recently I was ironing a shirt for my husband and I sprayed it with lavender linen water. My daughter Jordan asked me why I was doing that. I told her it was because I care and noone cares for him like me. I care about how my husband looks and I care that the simplest things that I can do for him...a calming scent on a shirt...a crease in the pants are just little things that he may or may not notice to show him that I love him. I told her it was sort of like when I put hot cheetos in her lunch..and then she was like OH!!! I get it. (I HATE those fatty, salty things...and when they get them its a treat...an exception..a little thing that's a big deal). But she won't forget that...one day when she is ironing for her child, or her husband she may go the extra mile because of mommy's CSI moment.

The day seems to end before it starts somedays. But multi-tasking is a great way to sneak in moments of instructions and guidance. It may be seemingly easier to delegate things to other people or hire help but you are loosing prime opportunities to sow wisdom and instruction to those who matter most if you don't use your free time correctly. To the rest of us on earth who don't really have free time you can use what you have-"non free time" to get a morsel of teaching in. Plan Plan Plan...for example...When I take Jordan to Ballet practice it is prime time to talk about school and upcoming assignments. When I am cooking, it great to talk to whoever is around about health and wellness...and what certain spices are used for...and while I'm ironing...its a great time to talk about....well, Cheetos.

Oh yeah ...I forgot to tell you

2009-04-27T11:34:00.004-04:00

John has agreed to have a garden this year. We were going to do it last year, but we had alot going on and really weren't ready for it. To start things off...Jordan (the girl) is going to grow tomatoes. She wants to start them indoors, so I may find her one of those topsy turvy things to transplant it in later.

As for me...I am going to start with growing my own herbs indoors. I really dislike "canned" spices and seasonings. Unfortunately, they add unnecessary preservatives to everything! Another thing that I found out is that many canned spices have added "salt" for consistancy. Salt is an absolute NO-NO in our house. First of all, because there are 5 black men that live and eat there. To all of my non African-American friends and family members...The elderly and African Americans males are highly more susceptible to high blood pressure due to excess salt than others. Sodium is important for our body to function, but when you get too much, the kidneys work harder to protect you by passing it into the urine. Then when that gets to be too much it passes into your blood...which causes the rise in pressure. And most importantly, my brother in law is a cardiologist specializing in hypertension. So, if his brother and nephews OD'd on salt, it would be bad for his business :-).

So anyway...I said that to say that as busy parents I know that many of us don't feel we have time to slow down enough to care about what we feed out families, as long as they eat. But that isn't true. YOU have to care. You have to watch. You have to monitor. You have to observe. YOU have to make the choices that they don't pay attention to. They think fast food 6 days a week, a slosh of butter here...a 1/2 cup of sugar here....douse this with salt here...and it makes no never mind. That is not true and its a sutble way that the enemy uses to get us sickly, slow, overweight and spending resources at the doctor's office instead of in the kingdom.

Am I telling you to grow all your food..and never ever use salt again?...ummm no. I am saying PLAN, PLAN, PLAN. Plan your meals. Plan what you CAN do to ensure fresher food for your family. Grow a vegetable or two. Quit buying everything in a can or a bag. Go to a farmers market to get fresh fruits and veggies. Stop adding everything the recipe book says to your food. If its says butter, find a substitute. If it says salt, don't. If its says sugar, try a natural sweetner, like honey instead. If you need to use basil, parsley, etc...try growing your own...dry it out and you can't imagine the taste difference in your soups, stews, chili's etc..also the satisfaction you get for knowing that you cared for and nutured these things for your family with your own hands.

I am so excited that we are starting this garden this year. I 'm looking to plant tomatoes, broccoli, greens, carrots, onions, watermelon and herbs. I am not sure what John wants to plant yet, probably weird stuff like squash :-). I just hope and pray that we can enjoy the food before the deer, racoons, chipmunks and squirrels get to it :-). I'll post pictures and let you know how its coming.

Opening Weekend !!!

2009-04-27T09:57:00.005-04:00

Sweet Charity has officially opened! We had a great opening run. We had a sell-out crowd on Sunday and almost sold out on Saturday. I am having such a great time. I am tired than a mug...but its so fun. Its what I enjoy (almost as much as writing and reading).

Most people wince when I tell them that I have added a 15 performance run to my already busy schedule. But I know that there are abilities that I have in that area are God given and it is my desire to keep them sharp and up to par for whenever He wants to use them. We don't do major theater or musicals anymore at my church (I mean a mini-skit here and there...but no productions or theater quality performances). So, unfortunately for me, it left me with a talent void to sow this back into the kingdom. But supernaturally God opened doors in other places for me to help with productions at my sister's church. I also helped edit scripts for another church. I had the chance to do make-up/costuming for my brother's church. Then came Southfield Theater and now Farmington Theater..God always has an opportunity for me and I honor Him for that.

So, a few weeks ago I begin searching..wondering...now How is God gonna get the glory outta this? He has me here (in Sweet Charity) for a reason. I think I figured it out...it took all this time to get to the prinited program of the show. When people in the cast read my bio they found out that I was an author -that led to people asking questions about what I wrote and what was it about...and TA-DA "an opportunity to witness". People have asked for the link to my book page and have asked to buy it. WOW, go figure...all of the auditions, rehearsals, dancing, singing, messing up, learning lines, blocking, make-up, frustrations, time away from home, exhaustion...was all pre-meditated for this moment. The simple opportunity to share Christ and my testimony indirectly with someone that may need Him.

What if I hadn't pursued this...what if I had of just sulked that opportunities were no longer available to me instead of seeking them out? What if I decided that I will keep "my gift to myself"? Then this soul opportunity would have been lost..and as my Bishop used to say...its all about souls.

So, I am sure more is yet to come out of this...who knows but God. We have almost a month to go yet.. But if nothing else does..its been worth it just to get the Word of God through my book into someone elses hands. Sweet Charity...is truly "Sweet" indeed.

Picture Day!!

2009-04-22T10:31:00.011-04:00

I am tired...... "Exhausterated" as my daughter would say...Sweet Charity (the broadway play I am in) is nearing opening night. So, dress and tech rehearsals are wearing me OUT. Its fun, exhilarating, rewarding and well...tiring all at the same time. My legs ache, my throat hurts, my back is screaming at me for trying to move it like its only 19 years old. So anyway...this is picture day. Just thought I would use pictures to show what's been going on lately...I'll write more later.

Jay came home from Oklahoma for Spring Break. The whole family went bowling.

Jerica (A.) moved to Florida to work and go to school. Here is a shot of her new house! I am so proud of her. She went through her first Florida tornado like a champ!!

Me and my Monster Lashes for the show...it feels like "bangs" on my eye. These lashes are like so Massive....I can't imagine why they made them except for theater..

The shoes I want to buy before my 45 birthday :-). Ok, I know that was random...but you gotta admit these Jimmy Choo's are BAD!

Not easily broken

2009-04-14T11:32:00.004-04:00

This past Easter I had the opportunity to sit still and watch a full length movie with my sister and brother, mom and dad and in-laws...without interruption. It was Not Easily Broken by Bishop Jakes. It was great! No knocks on the door, no phone calls, no texts, no notes under the door, no e-mail, no yells for help from 25 feet away...it was peaceful and I appreciated it. It was so peaceful that I was really able to glean some things from this movie that I may have missed trying to watch it at home. So, I have to believe that it was orchestrated for me to have the serenity needed to get what I was suppose to get from it...and boy did it have layers...

On the surface its your typical marriage gone wrong, tragedy happens, you grow apart, seek solace in others, listen to bad advice, realize you were an idiot, fight for the relationship and win...happy tie it all together ending and voila!! Movie. BUT...(my grandad used to say...there is always a but...) There were other "layers" to the characters of that movie that could each be a book by themselves (even the secondary characters). There was alot of blame to throw around in this movie...but the one angle I will approach is the bad advice and negativity that Clarice recieved from someone she thought she could trust-her mother.

Clarice's mother loved her dearly and her mom was truly a help in Clarice's rehabilitation after a car accident. She stopped everything, moved in and even checked Clarice's attitude when she treated the physical therapist and husband badly when they were trying to start her treatment. However, due to her own past hurts and founded fears-she convinced Clarice to give up on her marriage and protect herself. Her example in front of Clarice has not always been the best either which was proven in a statement that Clarice made "mama, you taught me how to be strong, independent and a survivor but you didn't teach me how to love, how to forgive, how to care and how to take care of my husband and my marriage." You see...in mama's marriage to Clarice's dad there was abuse, hurt, infidelity and bitterness and mama feared that Clarice was going to walk down that same path if she didn't protect herself.

Parents, we have to be sure that we teach our children out of our faith, not our fears. They should absolutely learn from our mistakes and know of our failings, but our instruction should be balanced and full of hope, encouragement and not shrouded in this fear that I was hurt here and so they will be too. Sometime ago I realized that bits and pieces of what I needed to know was missing out of what I knew, or at least of what I remember. There were people that I admired that I began to watch and learn from. I even interviewed ladies that I wanted to adopt characteristics from. There were books I read such as "The art and power of being a lady". (More on that topic later). Prefacing my statements with my kids, with "This happened to me but realize its my reality-not yours". Small steps such as these have helped me to be a little more balanced in my thinking and my training. When I get done, the goal is to have Jordan and Jerica have the grace & giving spirit of Princess Diana and the fight and tenacity of Xenia Warrior Princess. I want them to be a lil' bit June Cleaver, Clair Huxtable and ME.. slap there own personality and twist to it -all rolled into one...and viola! Whew, tall order for two little girls ...ok they are 21 and 12.

I suppose the best thing I can do for them is what I'm doing... #1- give them all I have and remind them that the Spirit of God is available to them to help discern what is the good, acceptable and perfect will of God for there lives....#2 teach them to live life out of their faith...and not out of their fear. #3 live a life before them that's wisely transparent versus fake and pretentious and #4 show love for my husband in front of them to show them how a godly marriage is suppose to look and operate.

I didn't get the job

2009-03-30T09:48:00.006-04:00

I didn't get the job I interviewed for...it was better pay, more work, more responsibility and hours, and did I mention better pay...but I didn't get it. So, why am I still smiling?? That's a darn good question. On the surface I have nothing to smile about...I mean I still have a job and I'm grateful. But this was an opportunity I wanted and I didn't get it. I am disappointed but encouraged...why...well because of why I didn't get the job.

I interviewed with the President (yes, it was THAT kinda position) and the interview went very well..we had common interests and talked about family, the position of the company, the economy...just a mirage of things. I sent a thank you letter and he was cordial and appreciative. Then I found out a few days later that I didn't get the position. HR called me later that day and said that the President wanted to talk to me about his selection. Frankly, I didn't want to talk to him. I just wanted to go home. I didn't really need to hear the "you were a good candidate but didn't fit what we were looking for speech". So I blew off the call from HR and didn't call him to set up a meeting (I know that wasn't right...but hey that's what happened).

But then 15 minutes before I was going to leave, the President walks down to my desk and and tells me to "be sure"to stop by his office before I leave. GREAT..just great. So I put on my coat, grab my bags and put my sunglasses on my head and prepare to trounce down to his office with an attitude. My co-workers (who I told what happen) are thankfully God fearing and wise. They took off my coat, took my bags, put my sunglasses in my purse, got my lipstick out and told me to put some on and go to his office like I had some sense. I hate them :-). So, I did...long story short he did give me the "speech"..but he went on to say that to put me in that job would be a complete waste of resources and as a matter of fact he said he talked to my boss a few days ago to blast him as to why I was doing the job I was doing instead of something else. In my head I thought-WOW...out loud, I said...oh. I was speechless.

He told me to be patient (he doesn't know that I don't have any extra patience to spare) but that he saw that I could be leading a couple of key projects and assignments. He has only been on board at the company a few weeks, but he is taking note and manuevering people to strategic positions based on their skill set and potential-not necessarily based on only what they think they can do. Could this be all smoke and mirrors and an evil plot to sweet talk me to make sure that in my bitterness I don't overthrow the company?? I suppose...but I doubt it. Its not something he HAD to do. He could just fire me. He chose to take the time to talk to me. He could have e-mailed me, texted, sent me a letter...but I had value in his sight and he felt obiliged to move his calendar for a simple conversation. The man sowed honor, so now he his due honor. There was a BIG God-lesson there for me. Somehow knowing the logic behind it (the lesson and his strategy), it made the tough pill easier to swallow. Ok, it still sucked...but you get my point.

I even sent the lady who got the job a nice congratulatory gift and handwritten card on my best stationery (aren't I a sweetie...?) Yeah whatever, I didn't want to...might as well tell the truth-but I had to. I needed to bless her in order to settle what happened inside of me and move on. So, I didn't get the job...that hurt-but I am on first name basis and on the radar of the President of the company. Unlike most here, I got to "present" myself and show him my value add to this company. It was a God given opportunity that seemingly got me nothing...but actually got me everything. So, hey at 4:00, when I walk past that person's office who got the job who is still working her tail off and I'm going home to my family...I smile and say God you are wise and I trust you and I moonwalk to the elevator and go HOME.

My nest is emptying...well kinda

2009-03-23T12:51:00.004-04:00

In this photo you will see five feathers..one that represents each of my children. Well, by the end of the summer that number may go down to just one. Yes, in less than 4 months...I could be down to one child, no more than maybe two of my children at living at home. Now mind you my husband's children will still be there...but for the most part mine won't.

Let's see, 1st there's Jay...my Oklahoma baby who is away in school and will more than likely- not come back. He would be honestly bored here. I hope he ends up on a mission field in Austraila or Zimbabwe...THAT would be a dream come true for him. He's single focused-get the world saved. That's it..that's his goal. He is the most like our spiritual father (who went home to be with the Lord). He has a compassionate heart...and wants to help hurting people.

Then there's Bryan...who has decided to join Jay in Oklahoma for three years of school. I am almost doubly positive that he for certain won't come back. He will probably find people of like minded spirits there in ministry and ta-da...his new home. He is the most changed...his testimony is incredible and he is finding his own place and his own voice.

My oldest is trying out for a football team and make it or not...its time for him to be on his own...so by the end of the summer-he will probably be making some moves. He's the most like me..passionately tempermental, but talented...a weird, wonderful combination.

Lastly there is Jerica..my daughter. She is moving to Florida next week to work and go to school...heartbreaker right there...she is my right hand girl. I can truly count on her and she is incredible with her younger sister. She's a risk taker and a planner. She doesn't want to come back. She will make her home in florida..and take her sister most summers.

In a few months that will leave me and the baby... that should be interesting.

There will be tears. Most parents, especially mothers who proclaim to be estatic with their kids leaving home are either lying through their teeth...don't have a good relationship with them...or their child is a hellion on wheels, full of drama and pushing 30 years old with no goals. I have a great relationship with my kids and as I stated in this post before...Before I married, I would rather be with them than with anyone in the world. It has not been without trial..I have made many mistakes concerning them. I was 19 when I had my 1st child and I have grown up right along side of them. They've seen me happy..and they've seen me devastated. They've watched me overcome crazy odds and they watched me cry in defeat. They know, for them I would give my last...and would give my life in their stead. I also know they would rip this earth apart strip by strip to save "mommy" if they had to.

They are equipped. They have all I know. They have the knowledge and power of God and they know the number one overarching family rule...Love God and look out for your sister and brother. When everyone and anyone fails you...they will be there. They will be there for marriages, babies, funerals, break-ups, fights, divorces, counseling, shopping, to fix a flat, to house sit, baby sit, loan money, pray with you...cry with you...answer prayer....God and your siblings...if you nuture those relationships right...will always be there for you...even when mommy can't.

They will possibly do things out on there on their own that will make me wonder if this was the same child that I laid on my back for and pushed into this world. But they will also do some things that will make me proud...like when Jay was in his school/church newsletter and they had a picture of him...worshipping no less... Or the day that Jerica and Bryan came home with cars that they saved for and bought...without any help from me. Or when Stevan thrived in a new school environment that could have turned out negatively.

I am sure I will slowly adjust. It will be new...I won't be a "supermom" anymore sorta...I will still have John's children around and a house to care for...and of course a new marriage to take care of....but I am not a mommy to those things...I am a wife..or Ms. Camille...my mommy days are wrapping up fast. Jordan will be 13 this year.... What was I like before motherhood...before all of these little people depended on me for everything. Before bottles, diapers, allowance, parent teacher conference, ballet, proms....first jobs, first cars...It will be interesting to rediscover that. I did an article for MORE magazine awhile back that talked about life rediscovery and how you need to determine and accept your new normals...I guess I need to read my own press. hmmmmmmmmmmm..I'll keep you posted.

The Secret Service-Mommy Style!

2009-03-16T12:07:00.004-04:00

I saw a photo recently of The "First Daughters" going to school. I saw their mom and then the entourage of secret service agents there to protect them from dangers seen and unseen. And rightly so mind you, their father just happens to be the leader of the free world. Their covering and protection is most certainly justified if I do say so myself. I thought to myself wow....they don't even realize that they are the most protected two little girls in the world. Or are they? What I mean is what makes my two daughters (or my boys for that matter) any less protected than Malia and Sasha? Sure, I understand that they have agents with major firepower and snipers on the roof of every building they walk in, but my girls have Secret Agent Mommy and the unmatched power of God...now that's some power right there. Mom's are in secret service mode all the time and usually the kids don't recognize it. You interrogate friends, teachers, ministry leaders, other parents, coaches, ballet instructors, siblings anything or anybody that will or may have contact with your child. You even ask your child questions that will give you the information you need. Like, "That new girl Casey, what church does she go to? What does her parents do? Where did you meet her? Where does she work? What are her grades like? What does she aspire to do? What does she know about you? What does she do when she is angry? Questions like these tell me plenty about a let's say a friend of my daughter and can lead to other questions for example:

Q: What church does she go to?
A: Bay Side Double Rock Baptist

Q: Is she saved?
A: Yes, and yes ma I asked her

(A no to this question would have led to a whole line of new questions, boundaries (to protect the child) and assignments to get her led to the Lord)

Q: Where does she work?
A: She doesn't work

Q: Does she volunteer anywhere?
A: No

Q: So how does she pay for her hair appts and cell phone bill?
A: Ummmmmmmm

(This could mean you are dealing with someone lazy(no motivation to take care of themself) spoiled(parents or other family members pay for everything with no accountability to earn it) and/or selfish (since they have free time and don't even use that to give to their community, church or shelter etc..) you can imagine that they are pretty wrapped up in their needs and don't regulary think about the needs of others.) Or worst case scenario she could be with a seedy, dealing young man who "pays" for her extracurriculum activities.

I think you get my point here.

As a Secret service agent mom...I watch EVERYTHING and forget VERY LITTLE. I remember who my children can count on and who they can't. I remember who doesn't set a good example and who does. I see which friends scramble to turn down inappropriate music when they see me coming. I know what family members are good for them to learn from and which ones are not. I go through drawers, bags, under beds, in clothes pockets, under matresses, anywhere I please at any given time, for any given reason or no reason at all. I'm the mom and understand this clearly: no non-rent paying child has privacy in my home except that which is allowed when I (or my husband) deem it so at that particular time. So, if its not supposed to be there...don't bring it in my house. If I see it, and its outta order, it goes in the garbage no warning, no explanations...I don't have time. Your protection is at stake and I am doing my job.

Some parents have a problem with "evading personal space" I don't have that as an issue. There is no such thing. I have been raising children over 20 years, trust someone with a clue and experience-TRUST YOUR INSTINCT!! That's what makes you a great "agent". Now couple that with the Power of God and you are unstoppable. God will give you insight, creative ideas and that "gut" something that leads you into what you should do next.

So the 1st daughters are pretty well covered and I pray for their protection often, but I also know that my kids may not have security driving them to school or black suit ear piece wearing guards at everyturn....but they are protected. and protected,well. The bible even teaches that God will set angels to be in charge over you. My kids angels must be cream of the crop. I have seen them delivered out of some messes that you would'nt believe. I have seen God tell me things and show me things that have helped them and saved them from foolishness.

So parents,
earpieces in (listen to your child, listen to God about your child, listen to people with experienced wisdom as to what to do with your child, listen to those who love your child tell you about your blind spot concerning them)

dark shades on(to increase your ability to see when everyone else may be blinded, look at everything....watch what they are watching, read what they are reading)

gun ready and loaded (set the parameters, put up the boundaries and fire when they (or those around them) go to far and shoot to kill! Kill everything negative that comes against them, kill negative thoughts that they have, kill influences from others who are, well, stupid- kill misconceptions about who they are and what they can do)

Secret Service agent always reporting for duty!

Gotta learn how to wait ??

2009-03-07T22:06:00.006-05:00

There is this song I love called "Not the time, Not the place" by an artist named Marvin Sapp. ..its lyrics are so powerful...there is this one line that irritates me though(my comments in parenthesis)

Not the time, not the place (cool...that's true)

Just believe keep the faith (very encouraging...I'm wit cha' Marvin)

gotta learn HOW TO WAIT (Excuse me ?? LEARN... WAIT... who do you think you are to tell me to WAIT and to say I gotta LEARN...as if its a subject in school)

LEARN HOW TO WAIT ??? (What kind of statement is that in a song that's supposed to be encouraging? Its too bad........he was doing so well til' that line :-)

Well, it is extremely irritating...but its true- darnit. The defintion for wait is to remain stationary in readiness or expectation. Waiting is an art form. It takes skill, patience, and the ability to do something and nothing. You do tons of waiting in a stepfamily. You wait for your attitude to adjust, You wait for your mouth to get under control. You wait for your marriage to improve. You wait for respect. You wait for honor. You wait for a reprieve. You wait for grace. You wait to not care about this issue. You wait for this not to matter, you wait for the kids to change. You wait to have a home of peace. You wait for rest. You wait for pat on the back. You WAIT............and WAIT.....................and WAIT.....................and WAIT..............and WAIT.

But HOW do you wait..."correctly" if you will? Or at least in a way that will please God and yield the most positive results for your spouse, and family. You wait like a good waitress at a five star restuarant...

1. You acknowledge the One that you are waiting on.

2. You meet the immediate needs of the One you are serving

3. You put before them the special of the day "what you have to offer..

4. If you don't know yet what They want from you, you suggest until you get a confirmation

5. You stand ready to meet any request within your power to meet

6. You clear away anything that may be in the way of them enjoying what They have ordered.

7. When you have met Their request, you thank them for the opportunity to serve them

8. You bring THEM the Bill.

9. You get what you need from them to cover what They ordered.

10. They leave you a tip for good service

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm waiting is work. Waiting is tough. But if you do well...I believe waiting pays off in the end. This hasn't been worked through the chambers of my own life yet...at least not to its conclusion. So, I can't speak with much unction about something I haven't fully experienced. I'm still learning as I am sharing with you. But as this revelation came, I felt obligated to share it.....so I'm waiting, you're waiting....we've gotta learn how to wait.

System Shutdown

2009-03-04T15:51:00.006-05:00

John and I have never really had an all out war argument. At least not the type I am accustomed to. However, we have had some severe disagreements about some major issues. Usually right before it spirals out of control or when it appears as if no solution is evident, something happens on my end. Its called the "shutdown". I just stop. I stop talking, I stop thinking, I stop manuevering, I stop internalizing, I just stop. Just like a computer, any work in progress will be lost. I won't want to bring it up again. John usually doesn't notice the shutdown right away because it is subtle and unannounced and he is usually talking or finishing his point and its happened and it slips right pass him.

The shutdown has probably prevented many of our discussions from escalating into arguments. Sometimes I just don't have the energy to discuss the same thing over and over again and since there are 178 other things on my list to contend with right now, I will just drop it and in mind move on to the next thing. But the down side is that it also prevent many issues from being settled and dealt with. Once I stop communicating, that's it. Discussion over, whatever you want- fine, I'm done with it. So, all of these unresolved issues just broil internally, constantly over and over again and nothing gets moved to the next level.

Well, somewhere in there it got noticed and John and I decided that we would work on it. It falls under our communication pillar of the relationship, but the strategy we use to work through this will give us a blueprint as to how to ( and how to not) handle future issues. What was interesting is the way John approached it. He asked me "what is it that I do that causes you to shut down?". I found that to be very comforting, why? Well, because even though it is I that does the "shutting down", he took joint ownership and repsonsibility of the issue. He didn't shove the problem in my lap and say "just fix...that thing you do."

In Blended families like it or love it problems in his family is a problem in your family. An issue with his kids, means an issue for you. A problem with your mom is a problem for him. The joys are shared but so are the problems. The shutdown issue is still a problem (hey we've only been on it two weeks, give us a break:-) But somehow it doesn't seem as hopeless as it once did, all because my husband turned the situation inward to correct himself first.

What things do you need to correct in you first? What problems are coming up over and over again that you know you play a role in that you don't want to deal with? Start inward and let your spouse know it (No matter who started it). You will gain a new respect from them and break down another layer of the barrier to your oneness.